


The Scavenger Hunt for Lance McClain

by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Get Hype, Keith low key falls in love with Lance through simply looking for him, M/M, Mystery, This one is DOUSED in Klance, Warnings are in a/n of Chapter THREE, chapter 1 and 2 aren't too intense, chapter 3 is when the warnings might be needed, same tho, things get a little wild people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-01-22 23:17:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 48,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18537478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle/pseuds/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Summary: “I’m sorry this is so sudden,” Shiro started and Keith jolted slightly at his voice. Were they not waiting for Sir Lancelot to finish whatever he had gone back to do? He almost opened his mouth to ask, but snapped it closed when Shiro continued. “We should have told you sooner, but…” He shook his head “Things escalated faster than we thought we could control.”“Lance has disappeared.” Allura said and Keith whipped his head around to look at her.“What?” He demanded before he could stop himself.OrLance has disappeared...Keith isn't quite convinced that he's gone. Luckily there are some interesting clues left behind to  tell them all they need to know.





	1. The Haunting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore the fact I haven't finished the Basically Series or the HP fic yet... I'm telling myself since I only have one more chapter of this left to write that it's okay to publish the first bit.

For a moment, Keith thought he was drowning.

His lungs burned as he opened his mouth, gasping for air as he his head tilted up, a gurgling sound coming from the back of his throat. Keith had felt pain plenty of times before – he had even felt it when death loomed precariously at his side. Yet somehow, the sensation of drowning in a pit of darkness was worse than any gunshot wound.

“End training.”

The darkness lifted and Keith choked, spitting out nothing and inhaling air noisily as everything sprung back to life.

“Ten minutes. Not bad.” Kolivan noted, glancing down where Keith lay. His hands still twitched as tried to shake away the last of the panic, his head spinning.

“Thanks,” He rasped and managed to sit up. “Out of curiosity, what would good look like?” He asked weakly. Kolivan scoffed.

“Twenty minutes.” He answered and Keith groaned, allowing another member of the Blade to help him to his feet. Now that the lights were back on he could see that there were at least ten of them in the room. He had either been in so much pain he didn’t notice their entrance, or they had been too quiet for his ears to detect.

“You have galra blood within you,” Kolivan started and Keith raised an eyebrow at the rather obvious conclusion of the experiment – er, _training_ “But it doesn’t make you quite as strong as we had hoped.”

“I’ll get stronger.” Keith shrugged. It wasn’t so much a promise as it was a simple fact. Even in the months he had been within the ranks of the blade his skills had improved tremendously and in ways he had never even thought of.

Kolivan said nothing, but a ghost of a smile tugged somewhere on his face. From behind him one of the other members tilted his head at him, no doubt filled with curiosity. Keith didn’t really keep track of who he had and hadn’t met before. He found it best to keep it that way with so many people dying and so many entering the rebellion.

“Get changed, we’ll meet for supper.” Kolivan dismissed and turned to the group before speaking in Galran. Keith nodded at his back. He hadn’t gotten around to learning Galran yet, which both a relief and a disappointment. On one hand, Keith was terrible at learning languages. He had proved that when he accidentally let slip he had taken three years of Spanish only to understand the phrase ‘Tú hables español?’ when Lance excitedly started rambling to him. He suspected Galran would be no different. On the other hand it would prove to be valuable to have some understanding of what Zarkon’s empire were saying or writing. For example, it would be nice to know when boxes were labeled as ‘explosives’ rather than ‘files’…As just one completely random example.

Trudging to his room he tore off his uniform in exchange for an identical one that already was laying on his bed. The Blade of Mamora’s quarters were similar to the Castle of Lions in its ability to provide almost anything for its occupants – especially when you had limited outfits. He had a few other things to wear – his old black t-shirt and jeans folded neatly in a drawer along with his jacket hanging in his closet. His old paladin armor was next to it, his helmet on the ground.

Within a few steps he picked it up, flicking on the comms as he sat on the edge of his bed.

“Hey guys,” He greeted and waited. Sometimes, if the team happened to be wearing their armor and had the comms opened up, they could talk to one another. Voltron was identified a trusted force by the Blade so they got passed the defenses fine. “Hello?” He tried again. No answer.

Fine. He would try again later. Not that it really mattered to him. It was typically Shiro and Allura who nudged him to keep in contact with the others. He didn’t mind being cut off that much. It made it easier to settle in when he wasn’t thinking about how Pidge was working on a new project or how Hunk insisted he had figured out the perfect cookie dough recipe with only space goo.

 _“I think you are supposed to miss those things,”_ Lance had once said to him over the comms. Keith had gotten back from one his first missions and wasn’t really sure how to proceed without a team to bug him. The other blade members just sort of…Left him alone. Keith still wasn’t sure what Lance had been doing on the comms so late when no one else was there. He had never asked. _“It means you think they are worth missing.”_

He really hated it when Lance went and said something smart.

Putting the helmet back down, Keith splashed some water on his face and began the trek down the dining pavilion with a small grimace. If Altean food was disgusting he would hate to see everyone’s reaction to what the Galra considered a delicacy.

“Keith.”

“Anton.” He greeted as the Galra removed his mask. Despite Keith insisting he had only saved him as part of a mission, Anton still seemed to find ways to repay him. Usually it was keeping other members from bothering him or making sure he was eating or sleeping enough (something Keith wondered if Shiro had actually put him up to at times). Now though, Anton’s face was scrunched with concern. His yellow eyes quickly flicked over him as a crease formed between his eyebrows.

“We’re skipping dinner,” He frowned “Kolivan said we’ve been summoned.”

“A new mission?”

“Not…Exactly.” Anton sighed and gestured for him to follow as he began to make his way through the maze of corridors. Keith lengthened his pace to keep up. He only came up to slightly above Anton’s elbow and his legs were practically twigs compared to his. Keith silently mulled over Kolivan’s request. They had just seen one another fifteen minutes ago. What could have changed within fifteen minutes?

Practically anything, he knew. A planet could have been destroyed, a hostage situation, lives lost – a number of awful things all had a chance to crawl out of space and into Keith’s reality.

What he hadn't expected was to see the Castle of Lions outside the base. Kolivan was navigating the two together, a click sounding as the ships melded together - forming some sort of door. Voltron needed their help? From the look of things, nobody was piloting the ship... Meaning Kolivan was orchestrating this visit.

"I received a call," The galra said, answering the silent question. "Voltron needs our help with a... An issue." He said and Keith wondered how much he knew about this issue and why he seemed to be taking the lead in this meeting if Voltron was the one asking for help. Of course, Kolivan was a huge proponent of Voltron. Most of the blades knew it was the weapon that would end the war and had unconditional support. Still...

Kolivan stepped away now that doors were fully formed and gestured Keith to follow. Right. He supposed there was no need for anybody to tell him what was happening. He walked over, readying himself to enter the ship.

“Keith,” Anton called from where he was at the controls. “Be careful.” He offered. He was still staring at the array of purple buttons, but his eyes weren’t moving as his hands gently trailed across them.

“Uh. Right. Thanks…You too.” He mumbled and wrenched open the door. It snapped closed the second he stepped through.

The light was blinding as they entered the room. Keith had forgotten the castleship's preference for white. It burned his eyes after months in the black and purple of the blades. Kolivan seemed similarly uncomfortable by the decor, raising his arm to shield his eyes as the doors zipped shut behind them with a click. 

He had half expected Shiro to be there to greet them, but the entrance was empty. Their footsteps echoed with every step, leaving Keith to wonder if they had actually been requested at all. He wouldn't be surprised if this was Kolivan's idea of a training exercise. Maybe the others had agreed to play along and he would walk in to find everyone loudly and dramatically crying for help in ridiculously loose bindings. He inwardly sighed.

As it turned out, there was no faux mission. In fact, the castle remained empty even as they entered the bridge. Not even Coran in sight. Instead was a large screen - the one Coran and Allura had used during missions to track the lions. Curiously, he walked up, noting the blinking dots trailing every which way. They were out on a mission then. Interesting. Keith looked at Kolivan, silently asking for an explanation. Had this been a call for backup...?

He stepped forward, tracing Blue's route to see if it was doing any defensive maneuvers. When nothing seemed amiss there, he glanced at the others lions to see if any of them had... Had... Wait. He did an internal check again.

"Lance..." He groaned and crossed his arms. It would appear Voltron was a lion short. Red was nowhere on the screen - though one swift glance to the right confirmed that he was still in his hangar. Keith grimaced. Lance had been known to miss drills and even stumble in late on actual missions due to his love headphones and playing his music too loudly to hear the alarms. "I'm going to go get him." Keith told Kolivan with a sigh. The galra frowned at him, opening his mouth to perhaps tell him not to bother, but Keith was already gone. He wasn't sure what everyone was doing out there, but it was uncomfortable for him to think they wouldn't be able to form Voltron if there was a reason they needed to.

Lord knows Keith had dragged Lance out of his room enough times when he was black paladin. This was not a new trick for him. In fact, he almost felt like he had never left as he typed in the old code Coran had given him to override the locking system for their rooms. Lance's doors jolted open and Keith stepped in, ready to drag the idiot from bed upon being back in the castle for exactly five minutes.

Well...Except the bed was empty. Keith frowned, looking around to see Lance's usual tidy room in disarray. Had he just missed him...? Maybe Lance realized he was running late and ran out before Keith got here. He glanced over at the other end of the room, noting the bathroom door was opened a crack and pushed it in.

"Lance...?" He called, looking around. The lights were off - telling him the paladin wasn't taking another hour long shower - but Keith flicked it on just to be certain. Nothing. "Lance!" He tried, just for the Hell of it. He went to turn away, but paused as a reflection caught his eye. While the bedroom was certainly messy, it was nothing compared to... This.

The mirror was cracked - a spider web of broken glass peeling off the wall. Red droplets on the counter and staining a towel thrown in the corner told him someone had probably punched it. A bottle sat tipped over on the counter, the gold plastic reflecting in the shards of glass. Keith walked over a few fallen hair products to get it - the only object not desecrated in the bathroom. There was no label. Only a gold container with a white cap that made it look like someone had picked it off of the street to store something not-so-legal in. Part of him worried what sort of thing Lance might keep in here (please, _please_ don't let it be space condoms). The other half considered it could be something he had picked up at another planet that could be of value (it must be if it was the only thing not destroyed). He flicked the cap off and looked inside.

...Glitter?

Honestly, what had he been expecting? Sighing, Keith poured a bit out on his hand, letting the small bits rub over his fingers. Lance would be someone who owned glitter. Keith honestly shouldn't be surprised. He scoffed and sniffed the bottle - it was even scented. It was...Strongly scented. Jesus. He coughed, inhaling half the bottle as he tried to ignore the pungent smell. Part of him was reminded of the cookies he and his dad used to make. It was a startling scent to say the least. Still coughing, he put the lid back on, wiping some of the glitter on his uniform.

"What are you doing in my room?"

For the love of -

"There you are!" Keith grumbled, spinning around. "What are you doing? What happened here?" He asked, gesturing to the mess. Lance was leaning against the door frame, watching Keith with one eyebrow raised high into his hairline. "You should be with the team."

"Calm your mullet," Lance snorted "The team is fine...And I just had a little accident on our last mission. I was _going_ to clean it up when I noticed an intruder." He said, tilting his head. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to snoop through other people's stuff?" He asked and Keith crossed his arms. Shiro had told him that... _Plenty_ of times.

"No." He said and Lance rolled his eyes.

"Well now you know," He said and gestured for Keith to leave. "Do you plan on spending the night with me or...?"

"Yeah, yeah." Keith muttered "I'm _going_. Why did you guys summon us over here?" He asked as Lance followed him out of the room, the doors snapping shut. "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Lance asked and grinned "No, no. Everything is _perfect_. I don't think I've ever been so happy!" He said excitedly and clasped his hands together "And you're here! I didn't know you were coming!" He added brightly. Perhaps he realized this almost sounded like a compliment because he scowled. "And I need to pick on someone else's hair other than Shiro." Keith rolled his eyes. Of course. From the distance he could hear the lions landing in their hangars, the rumbling of the castle shifting as they were welcomed back. "Oh - I think I forgot something in my room." Lance frowned, patting his pockets. "I'll meet up with you guys in a second, okay?" He asked. Keith turned to ask him what he had forgotten, but the boy had already disappeared around the corner. Keith sighed.

By the time he got back, the others were all gathered around. He expected to be in the control room, but instead everyone was sat around the dining room table. Shiro was at the end, speaking quietly with Kolivan who sat to his left while Hunk sat to his right. Allura was on the other end, whispering to Pidge and Coran who were either side of her as well.

“Keith!” Pidge smiled at him - but it was weak with only a note of excitement. “Hey.” She greeted and Keith offered her a small wave. His eyes roamed around the table again before he took one of the open seats between Kolivan and Coran. Lance was still gone. Typical.

“I’m sorry this is so sudden,” Shiro started and Keith jolted slightly at his voice. Were they not waiting for Sir Lancelot to finish whatever he had gone back to do? He almost opened his mouth to ask, but snapped it closed when Shiro continued. “We should have told you sooner, but…” He shook his head “Things escalated faster than we thought we could control.”

“Lance has disappeared.” Allura said and Keith whipped his head around to look at her.

“ _What?”_ He demanded before he could stop himself. Disappeared? He had just seen him like...Ten seconds ago. Allura nodded, folding her fingers in front of her. She was in her usual uniform, but her hair was was free from its normal bun. Her eyes flicked from Keith to Shiro as she nodded.

“We should have told you sooner.” She said and Keith shook his head.

“What…? What are you talking about? Missing since when?” He asked, trying to process. Was this a joke? Silence filled the room before Hunk gave a bitter huff.

“A month.” He said and crossed his arms “An entire month. Thirty-one days, twelve hours, and….twenty-six minutes.” He added as he looked down at his watch.

“Hunk-” Allura started, but was cut off by the yellow paladin shaking his head.

“I _told_ you we should have gone to the blade the _minute_ we realized he was missing! I said something was wrong, but you didn’t believe me!” He snapped, and Keith blinked. He had never seen Hunk so upset at another person before. Allura nodded.

“You were right,” She said “He was just so upset I thought he only left to cool off and would-”

“No. No. He wouldn’t _do_ that! Just because he’s piloting Red doesn’t make him Keith!” Hunk growled and Shiro interjected.

“We know, Hunk. This wasn’t Allura’s call – it was mine. We need to focus on getting Lance back.” He soothed and the yellow paladin scoffed, looking down at his hands as he glowered a hole through them. Allura bit her lip as she stared at him.

“I’m not understanding,” Keith interjected “I just saw Lance." He said and the entire table turned to him. Pidge's eyes widened and immediately everyone was shouting questions at him. When? Where? Was he okay? "I - he's _here_ ," Keith told them bewildered "In his room. I ran into him like ten minutes ago." He explained and there were more questions as people talked over one another. Hunk stood up, taking a few steps towards the exit, but stopped when Coran cleared his throat.

"I still don't see his heat signature in the castle," The Altean explained "I just rebooted the systems...I doubt they're wrong." He said quietly.

"But I _just_ saw him!" Keith objected. Hunk left the room. "I was in his room and he yelled at me for going through his stuff - he said something about being really happy." He added, thinking of the strange comment. Not that Lance was happy - the guy was a fucking ray of sunshine. He just had never...Articulated like that before. Shiro and Allura exchanged wary glances before turning to Coran who pursed his lips.

"Perhaps...The castle has collected memories of Lance? Much like with Alfor?" He tried weakly. Nobody looked convinced. Keith didn't understand. He wasn't lying - and he _definitely_ wasn't crazy. Before he could point this out, Hunk returned with his jaw set and gave a sharp shake of the head. _What?_

"You must be imagining things," The paladin told Keith as he sat back down at the table. "Let's get back to the briefing."

"But I literally just-"

"Well he's not here now, Keith!" Hunk hissed. He jerked back a little, surprised. Hunk never lashed out - and never at him. He was so caught off guard he didn't reply when the conversation moved forward. "We've already wasted enough time."

"To be clear," Kolivan spoke up "The child has been gone for a month and you were...?"

“We were looking for him of course!” Pidge piped up. Her eyes were red, enlarged by her glasses as she looked at him. “We’ve been looking for _weeks_. We just thought we would have found him by now.” Her voice trembled slightly over the last few words, but she bit her lip to stop anything else from coming out.

“When you say disappeared,” Kolivan started “Do you mean kidnapped or left?” He asked and Coran made a noise of frustration from Keith’s left.

“We don’t _know_. We have reasons to think both are likely… All the lions and pods – everything is accounted for except for one shuttle that wouldn’t make it very far. We might have even lost it during a battle, we can’t be sure number three even took it.” He started, rolling one end of his mustache between his fingers “But there’s also the fact Lance was…Very upset before he disappeared.” He added on and Kolivan rose an eyebrow.

“It would be best if you didn’t withhold anything.” He said and Pidge crossed her arms over her chest with a glower.

"We got in an argument before...Before it happened. He wanted to go take Red somewhere on his own. I told him he should go ask Shiro and he said it would only be a few hours and... I don't know. Something didn't feel right about it. He kept arguing with me and I told him if he left the room I was getting the team." She said, wringing her hands together "Anyways, it escalated and we said some unkind things to one another. Towards the end I forgot what we were even arguing about so when he left I didn't even think twice about it," She sighed, taking off her glasses to pinch the bridge of her nose. “I knew I shouldn’t have let him just walk away, but I was so _angry_ and-”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Shiro cut her off and Allura gave a reassuring smile. “Our biggest problem right now is that Red has no pilot-”

“ _That’s_ your biggest concern?” Hunk challenged “Forming Voltron?”

“Finding Lance is, Hunk.” Shiro responded easily “Red knows where Lance is at, but none of us have a connection with her.”

“Red doesn’t know! If he did he would have told us _sooner_!”

“And…That’s another reason we think he may have left,” Allura jumped back in. “Red hasn’t done anything about this.”

“Black didn’t-” Keith started, thinking back to Shiro’s disappearance, but was cut off by Allura.

“ _Blue_ told me.” She said “Blue has been…Agitated ever since Lance disappeared. It’s been getting worse. I can feel it through my bond – she still cares for him deeply. I couldn’t understand why she was getting so _angry_ over it until she started showing me images of Red.” Allura explained “Red must know where he is and won’t say.”

“No offense, Allura, but your bond with Blue isn’t as strong as hers was with Lance.” Hunk clicked his tongue “Perhaps you’re reading the situation wrong.”

“We should still try,” Pidge murmured softly “Keith is here now. He could tap into his old link with her and ask.”

“And you also conveniently have a new pilot for Red.” Hunk snapped back. Keith swallowed, watching the conversation swerve and pivot like a crashing plane. He sometimes forgets who Hunk’s best friend is. He supposed given the yellow paladin’s protective nature it shouldn’t come as a surprise he is lashing out. Pidge, on the other hand, seemed to be struggling to keep her temper in check as red slowly rose to her cheeks. Their worry seemed to be cracking both of them in half.

“I want Lance back too.” She whispered hoarsely and Hunk’s fists unclenched slightly at that.

“We all do.” Shiro told them and turned to Kolivan and Keith. “That’s essentially why we’re here. Lance is missing and we need all the help we can get to find him.”

“Lance is…missing.” Keith repeated, still trying to wrap his mind around the previous encounter. It seemed like nobody was willing to listen to him. At any rate, he could play along until he found him again. “And you want me to ask Red if she knows where he is?” He asked slowly and Allura crossed her arms, lips thinning.

“I _know_ he knows where Lance is. I can feel it. Blue is upset with him over it.” The princess said and Keith looked at the others who were staring at their hands rather than at him from table. Kolivan gave a sharp intake of breath.

“This has something to do with the quintessence, doesn’t it?” The galra asked. Keith paused at the question. The fact Kolivan agreed to meet so urgently over a missing paladin didn’t escape Keith’s attention. It didn’t strike him as something Kolivan would classify as a top priority, but whatever he was asking about seemed to connect something Keith hadn’t noticed yet.

“Quintessence?” Pidge asked slowly and Allura tilted her head slightly.

“I don’t follow.”

“It could be another reason he’s kidnapped.” Kolivan frowned “Surely one of you has noticed?” He asked and silence only filled the room. Keith saw Coran shrug slightly at Allura’s slight shake of the head. Shiro only stared blankly back. Kolivan sighed.

“Galras – or most anyways,” He said with a small glance at Keith “Can detect quintessence easily. We see it within planets, plants, other galras, aliens, or anything that is considered ‘life’.” He explained “Your paladin…He has a large amount of quintessence within him. A strong life force, I suppose.” He mused with a shrug. “I noticed during our last mission that it had changed. Weakened. I had figured the war was simply weighing on him, but...Most Galras would probably love to find a way to extract that out of him. Humans’ quintessence is different than others so they could use it for different things.”

“Quiznak,” Coran muttered “So what? You think he’s been taken by Zarkon himself?”

“I wouldn’t rule out that possibility.”

“For fu- Okay.” Pidge stood up and glared around the table. “I’ve been running the same program I used to find Matt. I’m updating it to get any signs of Lance. Kolivan, could I hook it up to some of the Marmora’s stuff?” She asked and Kolivan pursed his lips, but nodded.

“Have Anton assist you.” He said and Pidge only gave him a wave before pushing away from the table. Hunk stood up, muttering something about helping as he followed her out.

“Hunk?” Allura called back and the yellow paladin paused. “We’ll find him.”

There was a beat of silence in which Pidge glanced warily back between her friends before Hunk smiled back at her.

“I hope so.” He sighed and went through the door.

“Kolivan, could you and I talk more in depth about the quintessence part of this?” Shiro asked and Kolivan nodded before the black paladin turned to look at Keith. “You and Allura go talk to Blue and Red. Figure out as much as you can.” He said, pinning him with a hard look. Keith almost recoiled at it. Shiro’s gaze softened.

“I’m sorry.” He said and Keith swallowed. There was something that bothered him...Even if he was certain that Lance was simply playing a very dick-game of hide and seek somewhere in the castle there was the fact everyone had thought he was missing...

“A month?” He asked quietly “Shiro, we’ve spoke twice this month.”

They hadn’t told him. Why? Was it because of their ‘rivalry’? Because Keith wasn’t part of Voltron anymore? Why had nobody bothered to tell him? Did they not think he would care?

 _Did_ he care?

He wasn’t entirely sure. Even if he _had_ gone crazy (he hadn't) and Lance really _was_ missing...The shock of it all was still setting in. He felt like he had been chewing cotton and his stomach had twisted itself into an uncomfortable knot. Lance could be (maybe - he wasn't convinced) gone. What did that mean for him?

Keith would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. He thought about all of his teammates disappearing – usually dying, if he was honest. He had replayed Lance’s death often when he was on the team. It was like a non-stop movie every time they came back from a mission. If that one shot had been a little closer or the blast was just slightly bigger.

Poof. No more Lance. No more bad pickup lines or jabs about his hair. Nobody purposely goading him or doing things to annoy him. Keith had always figure it would happen sooner or later. He knew wars had causalities.

But now that it was ( _potentially_ ) happening? He couldn’t seem to remember if he was supposed to feel relieved or sad or upset. He was just…shocked.

“You heard Hunk before,” Shiro told him “I didn’t want him to think I was more concerned with forming Voltron than finding Lance.”

“So that means I just didn’t get to know?”

“I’m so sorry, Keith.” Shiro sighed and he _did_ look sorry. Sorry and tired. Keith wondered how many sleepless nights he spent searching and worrying. There was also the fact that not being able to form Voltron was a big concern. It was rare to go a month without a serious attack – time was ticking until would need Voltron. With or without Lance.

“Let’s talk about it later.” He sighed and stood up. Allura and Coran rose with him. Shiro only nodded and Kolivan clapped him on the back as the walked out towards the hangars.

“Keith?” Allura asked when they entered the hallway. He didn’t turn to look at her, but gave a low hum of acknowledgement as they made another turn towards the hangars. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.” He replied easily and felt a nudge as he got closer to Red. He knew he was here. A low purr sounded throughout the castle. “Hey, boy.” He murmured and Allura gave a soft smile.

“He’s missed you.”

“Apparently he doesn’t miss Lance.” He told her (because why would he miss Lance? He was right here). Allura’s smile disappeared. They had entered Red’s hangar. His eyes glowed as he looked down at the three of them, a warmth flooding Keith’s body.

“Hello sir Red.” Coran called with a wave “We’ve brought you an old friend!”

Red gave another purr and Keith walked forward to put a hand on his paw. From somewhere to his left a growl echoed throughout the metal chambers.

“That would be Blue.” Allura sighed “She’s angry.”

Keith felt a tug of annoyance from Red at that and the other lion growled right back. Blue roared from her hangar. Allura gritted her teeth at the sound, her hands flying to her temples.

“Princess!” Coran frowned and gripped her elbow as she stumbled a bit to the side. Keith turned to Red with a tilt of his head. Red mimicked the motion as he looked down at him.

“Why is Blue upset?” He asked him and immediately an image of Lance flickered in his mind. Keith nodded. “Do you know where he is?” He asked and Red’s head jerked back up. “Hey, everyone is worried about him. He’s your paladin, if you know something-”

Red growled and Keith felt a stab of hurt through their connection.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He frowned up at him “I just want to know if you _do_ know something – is he safe?”

Red pulled back, their link suddenly weakening. Keith almost fell at how suddenly he was gone. His mind desperately searched for him again, trying to find a way to tug the connection back.

“I get it. You don’t want to tell me anything.” He scowled and Red shot a wave of irritation through his mind. “But could you at least-”

Then he was gone. Keith stared. He felt a stab of betrayal at how promptly he receded from him, his glowing eyes dimming. He reached out again only to feel a wall between them. Behind him, Allura groaned.

“Did he tell you anything?” She asked, swaying slightly. Coran had either arm to her side, ready to catch her if she fell. Keith could hear Blue whining and grimaced. He wasn’t sure how match pain she was in, but if Blue was _that_ upset then he would hate to be in her place. Maybe... Maybe Lance really _was_ gone. For the lions to be acting like this... Is is possible he just imagined the entire interaction?

“He blocked me out.” He told her and shook his head “You’re right though, I think he knows something. I don’t know why he’s hiding it though.” He added and glanced over his shoulder at the lion. He experimentally poked one more time at their link, but was met with nothing.

Allura’s fists clenched by her sides as she looked up at Red, lips pursed.

“You allowed my father as your paladin,” She snapped up at her “Would you have treated him with such coldness?” She demanded and Red’s eyes snapped back open, glowing brightly as he gave a roar that might have passed as a scream of anger. Keith took a step back, dizzying at the force. For a moment, he felt Red’s anger coil at the bottom of his stomach along with something else – something rooted far deeper.

“Wha-” Keith murmured and looked back up at Red with his eyebrows coming together in confusion “You’re scared.” He frowned at him and the wall was suddenly there again. It was as if their connection had never existed.

Despite an hour of Keith attempting to reestablish a link with him, Red did not respond again. Allura went to talk to Blue only to come back looking tired and upset.

“She’s in so much pain.” Allura told him “I can’t even help her. I think she’s trying to find him, but…” Allura swallowed and looked down at her hands. “That would mean she would have to have her old connection with Lance again…Which would mean-”

“She would cut you off.” Keith finished “Will she?” He asked and Allura shook her head.

“No. Not without my permission.” She sighed “She cares deeply for me too and… She doesn’t want me hurt.”

“I think Red feels the same way… He’s scared for some reason. I just don’t know why. If he knew about Lance, wouldn’t he tell us if he was worried for him?” He asked and Allura gave a weak shrug.

“Perhaps Lance asked him to keep silent.” She offered as they walked back to the kitchen. Hunk had told them dinner was ready. Keith wondered if Kolivan would be eating with them. The image of the huge leader trying one of Hunk’s cookies made Keith smirk slightly. Allura tilted her head.

“Sorry, just…Thinking.” He said and she only nodded as they continued to walk in silence. “Do you think he’s protecting him?” Keith asked suddenly and Allura paused.

“Who? Red?”

“Yeah. Kolivan said something about Lance’s quintessence. What if Red was worried he was in danger or something. Maybe she’s keeping him safe somewhere.”

“He would be safest with him.” Allura frowned “With _us_.” She said and closed her eyes. "I'm going to go get changed..." She murmured and put a hand on Keith's arm "It is good to have you back." She added and he nodded, letting her go off towards her room. He stood in the empty hall for a moment, mind whirring in confusion.

"Very brooding," A voice chuckled "You look very serious, mullet."

Keith whirled around, heart screeching to halt as he looked to find Lance sitting crosslegged on the floor. The boy gave a bright wave, smiling at him. 

"Where - where the _fuck_ have you been?" He hissed. He knew it. He wasn't crazy. "Everyone is looking for you! They've been looking for a month!" He yelled, blinding anger now settling in. "You've just been hiding out here?! What the Hell is wrong with you?" He shouted and reached forward to grab him - and possibly kill him. Who the fuck did something like this? He was furious. Lance didn't bother to move. Nor did he need to. Keith's hand went right through him.

A pause.

This...Was unexpected. Slowly, Keith reached out to grab him again only for his hand to once more disappear into Lance's chest. Lance didn't seem surprised.

"Of course I'm not missing," Lance said as if this was something super casual "I'm right here. Safe. Happy." He said with a shrug. Keith tried to grab him again. "You...You aren't happy." He said slowly "I don't understand."

"What... What's going on..." Keith murmured, feeling his distress rise. He was crazy. He was actually _insane_. Panic began to rise. "What is this?!" He demanded. Lance pursed his lips.

"I'm here! And you're mad about it." He grumbled, crossing his arms. Keith stared.

"Why can't I touch you?"

"Ooh. Do you want to?"

" _Lance_ ," Keith growled "This. Is. Serious. Tell me what is happening _now_." He said and Lance rose an eyebrow. He was standing now, leaning against the wall without a care in the world. It made the whole thing _more_ frustrating. The boy looked Keith up and down for a moment before sighing. "Are you a ghost?"

"No - I thought you didn't believe in ghosts?"

"A memory? Like Alfor?"

"Oh, God no."

"Are you _real_?" Maybe...Maybe something had happened and he just wasn't visible anymore. Maybe all Keith had to do was find the right magical quintessence potion to set things right again. The way Lance was looking at him though...There was something off. Sure, it was nice that Lance wasn't glaring or sneering at him, but... This didn't feel like Lance. At least not completely.

"...it depends," Lance said slowly "What do you mean by real?" He asked and Keith could have torn his hair out. Lance seemed to take a bit of pity on him because he smiled weakly and answered without prompting.

"You want to find me, don't you?" He asked and Keith stared. "I can help you! After all - who better to help find me...Than me?" He grinned, clapping his hands together. "It'll be fun! We can be like Sherlock and Watson...Except I'm Sherlock. Hands down." He added, scowling at Keith. "I have to be because-"

"Keith?"

He spun around again to find Allura standing down the hallway, looking baffled at finding him still just standing there. He waited (and hoped) she would react to Lance's presence, but...Nothing. He glanced over. Sure enough, Lance was still there. Allura just... Couldn't see him. 

"Hi," He breathed out "I was just..."

"Yeah, I know." She sighed, walking over "It's...A lot to process."

"Something like that." He said and Lance chuckled from beside him.

"You'll feel better after dinner," She said with a smile "We'll find him, Keith."

Lance nodded in agreement. Keith tried to return to gesture, but could only follow his friend towards the dining room with Lance humming merrily behind him.

And for a moment... Keith thought he was drowning.


	2. A Bit of Intuition

The situation was...Well, it was really weird. Super weird.

Keith had never been a position where he was seeing something that others were not. However, there is no doubt that Lance was there. Sort of. The guy did not shut _up_. Ever. He talked Keith's ear off all through dinner with side comments, bad jokes, and attempts to get the others' attention with little success. It made Keith want to just stare up at the ceiling and scream.

Nobody else had spoke for the most part. It was only when they had finished eating that Kolivan stood up, eyes locking onto Keith's before he spoke again.

“Am I right to assume you’ll be staying here?” He asked. Keith agreed, crossing his arms as he did so. The galra gave him a sharp nod, the closest to approval that the man ever gave. “I will see you soon then.” He told them and Allura thanked him as she began to lead him towards the castle's entrance where their ships were connected.

"Bye Kolivan!" Lance called "Thanks for your help! Also, the hair looks _fantastic!_ " He said. Inwardly, Keith sighed at the other boy. Maybe he should tell Shiro...Shiro wouldn't think he was crazy, right? Before he could consider more, Pidge shuffled up to him, giving a coy smile that had him already redirecting his worries.

“Uh... You wouldn't want to stay in your old room, would you?” She asked as she scratched the back of her head and Keith frowned.

“Um. Yes?” He frowned down at her and Pidge gave him a bright smile.

“Right. Well. Lance and I _might_ have turned it into a gaming room after you left because that’s the only room Shiro doesn’t check when he’s trying to get us to go to bed.” She offered with a not-that-guilty shrug. Lance giggled from where he was sitting on top of the table, attempting to tell Keith about the new video games they had gotten and how he would _demolish_ him in all of them. From the other side of the room, Shiro cleared his throat.

“You _what_?” He called sharply from beside Coran. Pidge shook her head in amazement.

“I swear the galra messed with his hearing too. Normal humans just can’t _do_ that.” She muttered, but shot Shiro a bashful grin anyways.

“Well where _can_ I sleep then?” Keith sighed and Pidge rolled her eyes.

“There’s a hundred rooms on this ship. Just pick one. Or try Lance’s room. Maybe he left some clues there or something. Hunk and I already combed through it, but maybe you’ll see something we missed.”

"That's rude as Hell," Lance informed her dryly before turning to Keith "Don't follow her example. My room is not for you to snoop through."

The prospect of sleeping in Lance’s room was a little weird, but Keith didn’t see why he couldn’t be somewhat productive while going through his usual toss and turn ritual at night. Rolling his eyes he shook his head at the youngest paladin, ignoring Lance altogether. Despite the boy's promises of help... He had not been very helpful.

“I got replaced with a _videogame_.” He grumbled under his breath and Hunk snorted.

“Don’t let them fool you. Pidge and Lance mourned you leaving by eating three batches of cookies while playing that videogame in your room. It ended with them trying to figure out what it would take for you to come back.”

"That isn't true!" Lance pouted "Don't listen to him, mullet! You aren't that special."

“Shut up,” Pidge sniffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “And for what it’s worth neither of us suggested _disappearance_ as a good way to bring you back.” She frowned and Keith gave her a soft smile, ruffling her hair. Normally his hand might have been bit at, but Pidge seemed to be feeling generous because she only rolled her eyes. From beside her, Coran looked up from his and smiled softly.

"Let me know if you need fresh laundry. Lance used to insist that he did his own...Something about using softener." He mused and Keith nodded - though he wasn't quite sure what the Hell softener was... It could explain why Lance always used to smear food goo all over his clothes. Keith had walked in on the situation once or twice, but had never bothered to inquire on it. If his teammate wanted to rub stuff on his clothes that was _his_ business.

When nighttime did roll around Keith stepped into Lance’s room with the realization that he actually hadn’t been there before. Not for any longer than a few minutes to pull Lance out, anyways. He had never had another reason to be inside.

It looked fairly identical to his own (old) room with the bed against the wall and closet directly across from it. However, there were still some obvious Lance touches. Souvenirs from different planets, a few pictures of what looked to be children’s drawings addressed to him, skin care products scattered about. Despite Pidge’s earlier comment it didn’t look like anyone had been there since Lance. His bed was unmade and Keith could still vaguely smell the ocean breeze fragrance he had begun to associate with the paladin.

“Right.” He muttered to himself and kicked off his shoes. Now that he was actually here it felt…Wrong. Like he was sleeping with a ghost watching him. He changed quickly and tried not to think about it in those terms since there kind of _was_ a ghost...Even if Lance hadn't revealed himself yet. Keith didn't know what happened to him when he vanished from his sight. Walking over to the desk in the corner of the room he opened a few drawers. Altean books?

Keith picked one up and flipped through it. Lance’s handwriting was sprawled on almost every page – underlining words and writing rough translations in the margins some in Spanish and some in English. Had Lance been learning Altean? Interesting... Keith hadn't pictured Lance as a secret nerd. Though he found himself grinning at the image of Lance surrounded by books, sticking out his tongue a bit like he did when he was really concentrated on something. 

According to Lance’s notes it looked like he had become fairly good at it. Enough to understand the story anyways. Tossing the book to the side he moved to find Pidge’s headphones (hadn’t she lost those like…A few hours after they moved into the castle? It appeared Lance was a thief too) and his phone from Earth. Dead. Keith searched for a charger in the next drawer, giving a pleased grunt when he found it and plugged it in. A note fell to the ground as he did so and he curiously bent down to pick it up.

_Meet w/Soval on Jika  
_

Keith stared at the note before turning to find Lance on the desk, his entrance unannounced.

"Who's Soval?" He asked, making a note to ask Coran where Jika was - and what. Lance peered down at the note for a moment, swinging his legs with a hum before shrugging. " _You_ wrote this. I recognize your handwriting. You must know." Keith snapped. Lance shrugged again. "For the - okay." He grumbled and tucked the note away. He rummaged through a few things. It was interesting... To see what Lance kept. What he clearly valued more than others. Family pictures were kept in it's own separate drawer. Keith was a little confused as to how he had so many...Surely, he hadn't been carrying _all_ of these when they had been shot up into space?

He looked over what must have been the faces of his family. Children. Adults. Parents. Siblings. Keith paused at some of what looked to be childhood friends and...

"Who is this?" He asked, holding up a picture of sixteen-year-old Lance with his arm around a boy. It didn't look like much - the two simply grinning into the camera, making goofy faces...but Keith had a good eye for these things. Friend didn't seem like the right term to apply here.

"Hm? Oh, uh...Nobody." Lance said, frowning at the picture. Keith flipped it over. _Lance and Riley - First date!_

Well...That confirmed that theory. He pursed his lips. Interesting. Keith hadn't know Lance had been interested in boys. He wondered if Lance had purposely kept it a secret or if nobody had noticed. There was a pause before he slowly put the picture down. He didn't bother Lance anymore about it. He could feel the boy's eyes digging into him - waiting for a bigger reaction.

He went through more pictures - more of Riley showed up - and eventually (to Keith's surprise) some of Voltron. Keith didn't ever remember a single camera in all of his time in space, but apparently Lance had found one. They were all there... On various planets and surrounded by different people but there was a shot of all of them at least once. Lance smiled and pointed at the one in Keith's hand.

"Remember that? It was right after we saved the Balmera!" He said, pointing to one where Lance and Keith were in the middle of some sort of argument. Neither looked particularly annoyed though. If anything, Lance was grinning at Keith - who seemed exasperated by whatever Lance had claimed. He snorted.

"You were trying to convince me that dinosaurs could be roaming around the planet somewhere." He said and shook his head "How'd you get a picture?"

"Blue! The lions can do pretty much anything." Lance said, "Red shows me stuff that he saved for you sometimes."

Huh. Keith looked back down at the photo. On occasion Red and Black would show him images of the past...Like pictures or videos. He had only used it for training purposes though. Replays of various missions of trainings. It made his stomach twist a little to think that Lance would use it for something so... Well. Keith just hadn't really realized how much Lance valued the memories the team made.

Putting the last photo down he shifted it to what was beneath. Keith frowned, pulling out what appeared to be a pile of neatly written papers. There had to be at least fifty of them all folded and clearly special since they only shared the drawer with Lance’s photos.

_Rachel,_

_I swear if you stole my fucking nail polish while I was gone I will cut that ballerina bun right off your head._

Letters. They were letters to his family. Keith felt a wave of uncomfortable itching in his fingers, but ignored it. Maybe there was something in here he needed. Each letter was addressed to different family members with explanations as to what happened, how he was, what had happened. It was almost like a diary.

Except you don’t tell a diary you missed them or apologized to it. Not all of the letters were in English, but Keith read a few of the ones he could understand. He seemed...Well, he couldn't put his finger on it. He figured it made sense that the way Lance talked and acted around his family would be different than how he was used to seeing him. Still, it was strange to read such softness of words coming from the paladin. And such...Emotion that seemed to stray from ego and competition. Still, even with the differences Keith could still recognized him in the words.

_Space is beautiful in a cold way. It reminds me of snow...Which is funny because I've never seen snow. Oh! I need to update on the Keith status...Update: I am very good at annoying him. I should probably lay off a little. The guy clearly has a lot going on. He just can drive me so crazy so I feel the need to return the favor, you know? In truth, we could probably be good friends. I've seen him smirk at a few of my jokes. He can't hide from my hilarious sense of humor for long. I'll catch him laughing one day - mark my words. I guess he isn't totally awful to hang around sometimes. Only sometimes though. Don't tell him I said that. Also, it is important to me that you know I have discovered a secret the universe...Are you ready for this? Get ready...Space. Malls. They are amazing-_

"Space malls?" Keith snorted and looked up to where Lance was nodding eagerly "What's so great about space malls?"

"Uh - they're _malls_? In _space_?" Lance told him "Stop laughing! You know I'm onto something!" He objected and Keith bit back another grin as he put down the ridiculousness of Lance's ramblings to look at another letter. This one...Perhaps not as sweet or excited. 

_I'm so homesick it is ridiculous... I don't really have anyone to talk to about it though... It seems cruel to bring up in front of Allura and Coran with their planet being destroyed...Or Keith who I don't think has had much of a home. Shiro's home might have only been the Garrison. Pidge is looking for her family so it seems a little unfair to complain about mine when hers are in danger. Maybe Hunk...I already bother him so much though..._

_I miss be able to talk about things. Real things. Sometimes I find myself just saying things to speak...Which is probably annoying. I just can't stand silence, you know? Of course you know...I miss people who know._

God, why did his chest tighten like that? Keith tried not to dissect the longing in some of the letters - or notice the frantic scribbling in some of the ones that he couldn't read.

... _Socorro... Tengo miedo y ya no sé qué hacer. ¿Debo decírselo?_

Keith sighed, unable to use his limited Spanish to dissect more than 'I have'. He hopefully turned to Lance, holding it up.  


"Can you tell me what this means?" He asked and Lance leaned forward, staring down at the letter before letting his eyes flicker back up to meet Keith's. 

"It's nothing bad...Don't you need to sleep?" He asked and Keith bit his lip at that. Tossing it to the side, he looked at the remaining letter- and the most recent considering the date at the top. He carefully unfolded it and noted the that it was another to his brother. A common confidante of Lance's it would seem. 

_Luis_ _,_

_I have a problem. Well...Sort of. I didn't think it was a problem, but recent events have...Well. I just really need your advice right now. Something is wrong with me. I don’t know what to do. I want to tell someone. To tell the team, but… I don’t know if I can. They are already dealing with so much right now and I’m not sure I should add on anything else. I can probably deal with it myself, right? I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff by myself so far and… It’s been fine._

_I don't know. I guess I've been offered help in a way. Maybe I should consider taking it. It might cause more problems though... I don't know this person after all. Stranger danger and all that. Still, I think I can trust him... He did save my life. God, I wish you were here. I miss you. So fucking much._

_Love you,_

_Lance_

"Luis..."

"My oldest brother," Lance informed him, peering down at the note. "I always go to him when I don't know what to do." He explained and frowned "Are you done going through my stuff now? Surely you have at least a theory by now." He reasoned and Keith folded up some more of the letters, though he put the last one to Luis to the side. Another, smaller paper also fell out. Keith tried to read it, but it just looked like a schedule of some sort or...A math problem?

_30 = 3x2 weeks, 2x5 weeks, and 1x14 weeks - > 21 weeks = 4.8 months_

Right... Keith wasn't for sure what that was so he tossed it aside and went to back to the letter.

"You could just tell me," He said and held up the previous paper "What problem are you talking about here?"

"I don't know."

"You don't _know_?"

"No, Keith. I don't. Sorry." Lance snapped and crossed his arms. "Can you put those away?" He asked, gesturing to the mess Keith had made with Lance's pictures. "They were in a special order you know." He added grumpily and leaned down to pick them up. He paused, possibly realizing he couldn't touch them before sighing with defeat and moving back towards the bed. "Can we do something else now?"

"No," Keith snapped at him. "I'm...Okay. You were in trouble - maybe. Didn't ask the team for help... Offered help? Were you sick? Made some sort of enemy? Or...I guess, friend...?" He asked and reread the last paragraph, trying to make sense of it "Were you doing drugs or drinking?" He tried and Lance snorted. "What?!"

"Honestly, Keith. You think I would be so irresponsible? To do something that would put my ability to pilot at risk? To potentially kill myself? I would have to be in a pretty bad headspace to go down that road." He mused, crossing his arms. "So rude."

"I don't know, Lance." Keith groaned "We never knew each other that well."

"Well...My favorite number is eleven."

"You have a favorite number?"

"You don't?"

"This isn't helping." Keith grumbled and laid down in Lance's bed. The sheets were cold, but somehow softer than Keith remembered his own being. Lance must have read his mind because he grinned, leaning over.

"I convinced Coran to show me how the laundry works! I figured out if you put some space goo in it than it can be a softener! Neat, huh?" He asked and Keith blinked, looking tiredly from Lance to the sheets he was cocooning himself in.

"What's softener?"

"I dislike you immensely." Lance frowned and hopped on the edge of the bed. "Want me to tell a ghost story?"

"What are we? Five?" He grumbled and pulled the blanket over his head. "Give me some facts or let me sleep." He grumbled and Lance groaned. Keith couldn't see or hear him - but something deep inside told him that Lance had just dramatically sprawled out on the floor. Sure enough, when he peered down he saw Lance's form on the ground. He sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Tell me a stupid ghost story." He muttered and Lance popped back up, beaming.

"Yes! Okay. So once upon a time-"

"Do ghost stories usually start with 'once upon a time'?"

"Shut up and listen, mullet." Lance groused and crossed his arms "Once upon a time there was a boy who was kidnapped - in broad daylight no less. He was taken by mysterious people that nobody could see. You couldn't hear them...Smell them... And you could only feel them when it was _too late_." Lance whispered, wiggling his fingers at Keith...Who was deeply unimpressed with this story. "He was taken and after days and  _days_ of searching they finally found him... Do you know where he was?"

"For his sake and mine - I hope he was dead."

"Honestly, you ruin everything." Lance complained and crossed his arms. "Now I won't tell you the ending." He sniffed.

"I'm truly upset." Keith grumbled and rolled over. "Can I sleep now? I really want to sleep." He said and Lance sighed, hopping off the bed. For a second, he almost felt bad...Maybe this version of Lance couldn't sleep and was just incredibly bored. Keith still wasn't convinced that this wasn't just the real Lance that for some reason was lost to this world. Before he could he inquire about this he had already gone, leaving the room empty. Right. Maybe Keith could apologize later...Seconds later he found himself drifting to sleep...Dreams filled with missing boys and people who nobody could see or hear.

The next morning was a bit jarring considering Keith was waking up in Lance's room. For a half of a second he felt a moment of panic that maybe - just _maybe_ \- he had way too much nunvil and somehow ended up in a rather alarming position. It was only when he rolled over and realized the space next to him was empty that he remembered the previous day's events. Lance was missing. Except he wasn't. Well. Yes, he was. Keith rubbed his head and sat up. Maybe it had somehow all been...A dream and he was in Lance's room because he had hit his head really hard. Like. Really hard. It wasn't an unreasonable conclusion. More reasonable than Lance's freaking spirit or whatever prancing about.

"Are you thinking about me? It's looks like you're thinking about me."

Right. The real dream was those three moments of peace he had gotten right before Lance opened his mouth.

"I'm thinking about how the Hell I'm going to find you," Keith said, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. Lance was sitting cross legged on the floor beaming up at him with a shit eating grin. "Are you going to actually _help_ me today?"

"I was helpful yesterday!"

"Lies." Keith muttered and stood up. He re-evaluated the scene. He hadn't checked the bathroom yet... Foolish, considering that was where all the damage was. Walking over, he opened the door and glanced around. "What happened in here?"

"I told you before. Mission went wrong. I lost my temper." Lance shrugged, following him over "Surely, you can understand."

"You don't seem like the type to lose your temper."

"Yeah...Not _in front_ of people," Lance snapped back "Some of us don't openly wear out hot heads on our sleeves."

"That isn't how the saying goes," Keith murmured, rummaging through the debris to find something resembling a clue. The blood was dried and cracked by now, but it looked pretty clear to him that Lance's story wasn't that far out there. He got pissed off, knocked some things over, and punched the mirror. "What happened with the mission that was so bad?" He tried. Lance tensed. After a few seconds of silence, Keith turned to him. "Lance?"

"It was just - It doesn't matter. I don't remember."

"It doesn't matter or you don't remember?"

"Both." Lance threw back and Keith sighed, crossing his arms as he rose. He glanced over at the unopened drawers and flicked one open. As he suspected there were more beauty products. Face masks, face wash, moisturizer, and toner - whatever that was.

"I don't believe you. If you're going to be here you _have_ to be helpful..." He started, but trailed off at noticing something else in the drawer. An orange bottle with a white cap. Unlike the bottle of glitter he found yesterday this seemed more medical. Sure enough, if had Lance's name (his _full_ name even - it was outrageously long and part of Keith wanted to memorize it for the sole purpose of screaming it at Lance when he found him), date of birth, and...Well, whatever the drug name was. He shook it. Empty. "Is it even _worth_ asking you about this?" He sighed, half-expecting Lance to give another noncommittal answer.

"Oh - that's from Earth. I ran out." Lance winced "Which _sucked_ , let me tell you. I worked hard to adjust to that shit. Remember in school how out of it I used to be? I failed three exams because I refused to get off of it while I was still adjusting to it back in school... It made me so sick at first." He shuddered. Keith tilted his head. He... _Did_ remember Lance at the beginning of their Garrison days. Vaguely - but yeah. The younger version of Lance had always been incredibly...Different. It was part of the reason he hadn't recognized him when they recognized Shiro. The more recent version of Lance had never had even the slightest version of sickness since entering space. He hadn't considered medication playing a factor though.

"What...Was it?" He frowned "If you ran out shouldn't you have gotten more?"

"Probably," Lance sighed "I just didn't want to tell you guys about it. Not that it matters now. You can probably have Coran look up the name and it'll tell you all you need to know." He said. Keith ran his thumb over the label. Something cold settled in his stomach. He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all.

"You _were_ sick," He frowned "And you didn't say anything. That could have really gotten someone hurt-"

"And this is why you didn't get to know," Lance interrupted "I don't need people telling me what I can and can't handle. Just because I needed that doesn't mean I'm not able to do anything. Besides, it was only a temporary thing-"

"You just said you had it during school! That isn't temporary. Does this have anything to do with why you went missing?" Keith cut him off, holding up the bottle. Lance wrinkled his nose. " _Lance_."

"You're getting upset...Let's talking about something else-"

"What do you care? You _like_ making me upset... _Lance_!"

Before he could continue shouting there was a soft knock on the door. The pair froze, turning towards the sound. Internally, he prayed he hadn't been that loud. He stepped over the mess and hit open the door. Pidge was standing there, a plate of food goo in her hand and glasses slightly askew.

"Hi," She greeted warily and held out the plate "You missed breakfast." She yawned. Keith nodded and took the plate with a brief thank you. "Did you find anything?" She asked, rubbing her eyes. Keith held out the bottle, ignoring Lance's hiss of protest behind him. Keith would keep his damn secrets when the idiot actually _cooperated_. "What...Is it?" She asked, mouthing the name of the drug. "He was on medication? What for?"

"No idea..." Keith said warily "Could you look it up for me? I'm going to talk to Shiro."

"Sure, sure." She murmured and tucked the bottle away "Shiro is probably at the bridge - don't be freaked out if you see food and blankets there. It's the only way we can keep him alive. He doesn't leave unless there's a lead on Lance." She explained. Keith frowned. He didn't like the fact his friend wasn't taking care of himself. That was the last thing he wanted. Nodding, he patted her shoulder and left the room.

"That's not good..." Lance murmured, reappearing by his side. Keith felt a stab of irritation.

"No. It isn't." He snapped back "But he's doing it for _you_ so if you could be a bit more helpful that would be lovely." He drawled out. Lance flinched at his words and immediately Keith felt a stab of regret. Despite wanting to be angry...No, to be _furious_ at Lance for doing this - for disappearing - for worrying everyone he found he couldn't find it within himself to hold more than a whisper of resentment. Not without knowing what happened. Sighing, he went to tug at his uniform before realizing he was back in his old clothes - from Earth. He hadn't even realized he had changed into them. Coran must have thrown them in with the rest of the stuff he had brought over for Keith to stay.

"You look different." Lance said quietly. Keith paused before turning to him. "Even in your normal clothes," He added, gesturing to the red jacket and black jeans "I can't really pinpoint it, but... Yeah." He said and Keith couldn't help but notice the note of disappointment. He didn't comment on it though. He didn't really want to confront that... Lance had once alluded to him through one of their first calls after he had joined the Blade that he had been...disappointed in Keith's decision to leave.

Keith had furiously ignored it. He didn't care about Lance's opinion. Not anymore. Sure, while he was leading Lance had...Well, yeah. His opinion had been important. He was his right hand. The person who called him out bullshit. But the Blade was a completely different territory that the other paladin had no right to intrude upon. And Keith did _not_ feel guilty about it. At all.

"Shiro," He called instead as the doors to the bridge slid open. As Pidge had warned him there were blankets, remnants of food, and hundreds of holograms scattered about. The place looked like a bit like Keith's shack had after his friend had disappeared from Earth. He grimaced. "Hey...Where - Oh." He sighed, finding the black paladin sprawled out over the control station, fast asleep. He rose his hand - debating about waking him.

"You could go try to talk to Red again," Lance suggested "Let him rest a bit longer."

Keith considered. He experimentally prodded at the fading connection and waited. Red's growl rolled throughout the castle in return - jolting Shiro out of his slumber. Upon sensing someone else was in the room, the older man yanked out his bayard and almost pummeled Keith with it before freezing in recognition.

Wow. His ex-lion was an ass sometimes.

"Keith..." Shiro breathed out and lowered his arm "Sorry. Are you okay?" He frowned and Keith nodded, holding out a hand to steady him. "I was just... Lance." He said as a wary explanation and gestured vaguely around them. "I was looking into some of quintessence stuff Kolivan was telling me about," He explained and Keith curiously glanced at the holograms that were sprawled out "As it turns out...Lance would have been a sought after commodity." Shiro sighed "It's apparently...Malleable."

"Malleable...?" Keith repeated, a little alarm at what _that_ could mean. Shiro gave something between a grimace and sharp exhale of frustration.

"Easily affected. If it was extracted it could manipulated for...Lots of different things. It's part of the reason he was able to easily transition from Blue to Red." Shiro reasoned. Keith grimaced, thinking back to Lance's flying in Red in the beginning. He wouldn't call that an _easy_ transition, but he supposed Lance had adjusted faster than Keith had.

"What can I say?" Lance snickered "I'm a _flexible_ person."

Keith didn't deserve this Hell.

"It would have been nice to Kolivan to have mentioned that sooner..." Keith muttered, a stab of silent resentment coursing through him. Would it have been so hard to casually throw in 'yeah, by the way you're core being makes you a good target for abduction'. Could they...Take his quintessence _out_ of him? He glanced over at where Lance was watching him. That was certainly a theory on how he was hear now. Perhaps he was talking to a piece of Lance's quintessence...But then why could only Keith see him?

"Kolivan thought the Altean pods would have told us," Shiro sighed and waved his hand so some of the holograms fell away. "I keep looking for a sign of him...A report or something. Nothing even references a human on any other planet." He sighed, tugging at his hair. "Not since our last mission." He told him miserably and rubbed his face.

_"I told you. Mission went wrong. Lost my temper."_

"What mission was it?"

"Hm? Oh on Jika. It was invaded by the galra." Shiro shrugged and Keith felt the note in his pocket get heavier. Jika. He pulled out the paper and handed it to the paladin. Shiro frowned, glancing down at it.

"I found this in Lance's room. Do you know who Soval is?" He asked and Shiro frowned, brows coming together in confusion as he shook his head.

"No... We met with someone called Olloman. I wouldn't be surprised if Lance met someone else by himself though. We had a celebration a few days afterwards." He told him and bit his lip "Maybe he made a friend?" He suggested and shook his head "We should look into it though. Thank you." He added and handed the note back to Keith. "Soval..."

"Celebration?" Keith repeated "I thought the mission went badly?"

"Badly?" Shiro frowned "Why would you think that?"

Aw, fuck. He glanced over at where Lance was silently watching the conversation. There was no way he was admitting to that Lance's ghost or whatever told him.

"Uh...Just Lance's room. It was pretty trashed. I had assumed something bad happened."

"Ah," Shiro nodded "Yeah. Pidge and Hunk mentioned that. I don't think they stayed in there too long. This has been really hard on them." He murmured and tapped a finger on the edge of the control panel. "No, the mission was great. Lance did really well. He managed to evacuate the entire city while we held up the galra." He shrugged. Keith pursed his lips. Interesting. "I should talk to Coran about maybe heading back to Jika..." Shiro yawned and Keith quickly shook his head.

"No, no. I can do that. You sleep." He said and when it looked like Shiro was going to object, rose a hand. "Hey. You're no help to anyone when you're like this." He warned and patted his shoulder "We need you well rested. I can take it from here." He promised and Shiro looked at the bundle of blankets "Yeah...No. Go to your own room, Shiro." He added and the man snorted, ruffling his hair.

"Since when did you start telling me what to do?" He grumbled and Keith rolled his eyes, gesturing for him to leave. "Right, right. I'm going." He yawned and looked doubtfully at the bridge. "Hope I don't fall off..." He muttered, which should have been more concerning as he watched his friend trod across the abyss that connected the control center to the rest of the castle. Keith shook his head before turning to look at Lance.

"You lied to me."

"Says who?"

"Says _Shiro_ ," Keith hissed "You said the mission went badly! What the Hell are you actually trying to do here? Did someone send you to throw me off? Are you some image the galra came up with?" He asked and when Lance snorted, felt his ire flare up " _This isn't funny_ _!_ "

"You always did lack of empathy."

"Excuse me?" Keith snarled and Lance crossed his arms, unwilling to back down. "Empathy? What the Hell is that supposed to mean?"

"People can have different perspectives of the same event." Lance shot back "Maybe I didn't feel like it was as successful as Shiro thinks." He threw back and Keith threw up his hands. More riddles. Still no answers. Useless. _Useless_. He spun around, just wanting to walk away - even if he knew Lance could easily follow him.

Luckily, he didn't. Keith was alone as he stormed through the castle - winding through endless corridors and halls. It was only when he found himself standing in front of Red that he realized he had unconsciously made his way to the hangars. He sighed, putting a hand on Red's paw.

"Please. Give me _something_." He tried as Red's eyes dimly began to glow with recognition. "Tell me about Jika." He said and pushed hard on their connection. Nothing. He tried again, giving a small prod and pouring in some of the trust he used to share with the lion. He felt another wave of fear from Red before it softened into something more...Content. Light. Keith felt dizzy in it, confused as to the random wave of emotion that was flooding him.

"What...?" He whispered and tried to pull out a little, but Red didn't let him go this time. "Jika." He tried again and abruptly, Keith went cold.

 _"....run! Come on!"_ Lance's voice screamed and Keith almost jerked away at the sound echoing through his head. He looked around to find Lance, but he was alone in the hangar. He glanced up at Red, a smidge of hope entering his chest. He didn't speak, not daring to interrupt Red as he tried to push more of the memory into his mind. Slowly, the scene around them seemed to melt away until he could see a city of glass shattering around them. Humanoid aliens with orange skin were scattered about, dodging shards as they fell from the sky like perilous rain. A gunshot rang and hit one of the shards just as it was about to hit a child, knocking it away.

Lance.

 _"Everyone hurry - get into the ship!"_ He yelled, gesturing to where the castle of lions was landing behind them, shields up. _"I can't hold them for much longer! Go!"_ He told them and rose his gun once more to knock a galra ship that had broke away from the blue lion out of the sky.

 _"Quiznak. Sorry, Lance!"_ Allura's voice called from the comms _"I won't let anymore get through."_

 _"Aw, don't worry princess. I love a little challenge. Keeps the blood pumping."_  Lance laughed, and shoved an alien out of the way of another shard of glass.  _"I think that's everyone!"_ He called and glanced around. The scene was empty aside from Lance, Red, and the castle which was now flowing with aliens. He went to turn away when Lance froze. He held up his shield, blocking more glass, but spun back around. 

 _"Hello?"_ He yelled and looked around. Keith blinked. Nobody had spoken. Still, Lance looked convinced as he took a step away from Red, eyes flickering over the remains of the destroyed city. _"Who's ther- Fuck."_ He hissed and this time, Keith caught sight of an orange figure lying in the distance. They were trapped under a large piece of glass, silver liquid that was probably blood spilling freely into the ground. _"I'm coming!"_ Lance yelled and rose his shield again as he went to run in the direction of the injured alien. Before he could take another step, there was a flash of orange and Lance was on the ground, his helmet falling to the side.

 _"No!"_ A voice yelled and yanked Lance in the direction of Red _"It's too late! The galra are going to blow it up!"_

_"I'm not leaving anyone behind-"_

_"Yes you are!"_ The alien screamed and shoved Lance towards Red. The lion seemed to have already caught the gist of what was going on because he knelt down, allowing the pair to enter the cockpit despite Lance beginning to fight back against the alien. Once he managed to get it off of him, Red snapped his jaws closed, locking them inside. 

 _"RED! LET ME OUT!"_ Lance screamed, but was interrupted by a blast, sending them toppling to the side. He and the alien fell to the ground with a bang and for a second there was only silence as the dust cleared. Red had flown himself away from the planet - aligning himself with where the castle had managed to take the rest of the evacuated aliens. Lance groaned, holding his head. Silently, the alien who had pushed him in held up his helmet.

 _"Lance! Lance, are you okay?"_ Shiro's voice came from the comms. Lance shoved the helmet back on.

 _"Yeah...Yeah, I'm good."_ He whispered weakly and clicked off the comms before turning to look at the alien. There was a few moments of silence.

 _"Don't expect me to be sorry, kid. You can't save everyone. That guy was already dead._ " The alien told him and Lance clenched his jaw _"You saved everyone else. That's more than anyone was expecting."_

_"I could have-"_

_"No. You couldn't."_  He dismissed and clapped Lance on the shoulder  _"Tell you what. I'll buy you a drink later to make it up to you."_

_"Are you kidding me? Someone fucking died!"_

_"All the more reason to drink."_ The alien told him and Lance made a noise of disgust  _"Sorry. Bad joke."_

 _"Who the Hell are you?"_  Lance demanded, voice thick with anger. His fists were clenched by his sides. The alien said nothing at first, only looking at Lance warily before sighing and leaning back against the wall of Red's cockpit, sweat pouring down the side of his face.

_"Soval."_

The scene disappeared quicker than it had formed, jolting Keith back into reality. He took a few breaths, trying to reorient himself from the vivid memory of war to the safety of the hangar. Soval. That was Soval. The alien who had prevented Lance from going after a potential survivor and probably saved his life. Taking a gulp of air he stumbled away from Red. He should be grateful that he was given something but...Why? After he was so adamant about being silent before?

"Keith...?"

"Hunk." He gasped, spinning around to find the paladin curiously standing behind him. He wasn't sure how long he had been there...Nor did he really care. "We need to find Coran and get to Jika. Now."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Lance said and Keith whipped around to find him sitting next to Red. "You're not going to like what you find there."

Keith swallowed and nodded at Hunk. All the more reason. This Soval guy was Keith's top suspect and it was not going to be pretty when he found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to put the warnings here after the next chapter - I'll post a reminder where they are in the tags and the first a/n so you can remember to come find them if you need to. I just don't want to put them in a super visible place bc of potential spoilers and stuff.


	3. Soval

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Some stuff happens in this chapter so if you want to read the warnings for the fic go to the END of the chapter in my other a/n. The warnings apply from this chapter to the end of the fic. I tried to make them ambiguous as possible so they won't give too much away.

Despite being a place of recent destruction...Jika was beautiful.

It was like parts of Earth in some ways. Lots of grass. Blue skies (God, when had he last seen a blue sky? Granted, it was a different shade of blue...but nevertheless).

After Keith had updated everyone on what Red had shown him there was a unanimous decision to head back to the planet and track down Soval. Pidge had also gotten an update on the orange bottle he had found in Lance's room.

"It was an anxiety medication," She explained, tossing the it back to him. "It says here that he had four refills left of it back on Earth... I'm not sure when he ran out though. Based on the date it was prescribed I could maybe figure it out, but it would take me a couple days to do the math on what the date is on Earth." She admitted and Lance huffed from beside him.

"Nosy." He grumbled. Keith nodded, kneading his temples. Maybe it was the fact that Lance was always talking to him - but _God_ his head hurt. From beside him, Hunk clicked his tongue in disbelief.

"Why didn't he tell us?" He muttered, crossing his arms. "I'm sure we could have found a substitute."

"Maybe it was a matter of pride?" Pidge suggested "I'm not sure if this has anything to do with his disappearance though... Anxiety has no connection with Soval or Jika." She sighed "We shouldn't focus too much on it." Shiro shook his head as he thoughtfully fiddled with his prosthetic.

"Not necessarily - there could be a missing piece. We need to treat everything we find as a clue. Besides, understanding his mindset might help put some things in perspective." He said reasonably. Allura nodded at this, tapping her fingers on the table.

"What happened to 'everyone being allowed to keep their secrets'?" Lance complained loudly "This is some bullshit. Keith?" He demanded as if the other boy was supposed to take his side "Tell him he's a hypocrite." He grumbled, kicking at the ground.

"Grow up." Keith gritted out and everyone turned to him. Whoops. "I...Uh, sorry. Talking to myself." He shrugged and ignored the curious eyes that latched onto him. There was a pause as everyone seemed to be digesting the information. After a few more somber minutes, Allura cleared her throat, announcing they were landing soon. Keith grabbed his blade, ignoring Lance humming merrily behind him. They had planned to each take a section of the city to try and find information on Soval. While Keith was a proponent of just asking if anyone had seen Lance that wasn't a viable plan. Despite the fact people of Jika were allies there was the issue of well...The galra potentially finding out they were a paladin short. The last thing they needed was an attack to distract them from finding Lance.

"Lance liked it here," Hunk noted as they stepped out of the ship. Keith turned to him. "He said it reminded him of home."

"Maybe that's why he came back." Keith offered, hoping that thought provided some comfort. He wasn't sure it did. Keith didn't have a vast understanding of homes. There had been nothing permanent for him since he was a child. The way the others spoke of theirs though... They made it seem like a nice thing to have.

"Maybe..." Hunk sighed and smiled "You're in your Voltron uniform." He noted.

"Uh, yeah." Keith said, shifting uncomfortably. "It...Seemed more appropriate?" He shrugged. Hunk nodded, not pressing the issue. Instead the paladin just clapped him on the shoulder before hopping off the platform of the ship and into the grass. He supposed that was the end of the conversation. Hunk hadn't been much a conversationalist as of late. Keith figured it probably had to do with Lance being gone. His helmet beeped, letting him know the air was safe to breathe. He tugged it off, taking a deep breath of fresh air. It smelled like the ocean - hints of salt wafting through the air.

"We should find the beach later," Lance told him "I'm a beach guy, remember?"

It was true... Keith vaguely remembered hearing Lance mention the ocean and surfing during sunsets.

 _"At night...Sometimes the stars reflected in the water and it felt like swimming in the sky."_  Lance's voice rang through his head. He couldn't remember when they had that conversation, but part of him remembered the expression as he said it. A slight smile as he looked out a window, fingers thrumming on his thigh. Keith remembered thinking he had never seen him so calm or contented before.

The beach was definitely on the list. Keith stepped down and made his way to the first place on his itinerary. Allura would be meeting with the planet's leader - doing whatever diplomacy stuff she usually did. Keith walked down to see the a few aliens roaming about, looking at the castleship - some with recognition. He smiled in what he hoped to be reassurance. The last thing they needed was people thinking they were under attack again.

"Excuse me, do you know where -" He started, moving to speak to an alien, but froze at a form that shimmered in the background. A figure was leaning down to pick something from the ground. He felt his breath hitched as he practically shoved the alien aside to move towards the very (obviously) human figure. The man grinned as he looked down at a piece of glass from the ground and gestured to it.

"You should be careful in places have been rebuilt," He noted "Pieces of the war always stick around, huh?" He said and Keith tried to form words as he just stood there, processing. His head was pounding even more - chest now clenching in unison. The man tilted his head, dark eyes flicking him up and down with vague amusement. "You look a little shocked there, bud. Everything alright?"

"...you're...you're not real." Keith murmured absently. He turned, looking desperately for Lance. When they locked eyes Lance only smiled. "What is this?"

"Did you think I was the only one you could see?" Lance asked and walked over, holding out his hand "You must be Mr. Kogane. I'm Lance."

Panic clawed at Keith's throat.

"No. No - I...You _can't_." He said. Part of him was aware that people around him were starting to stare "Am I talking to ghosts? You can't be dead." He choked out. He had asked this before, but seeing his dead father in front of him made the option much more real. Lance frowned.

"Don't you want to see him?" He asked, gesturing to his father. Keith let his gaze flick over and felt his throat tighten. Of _course_ he did. His father's death was something that never fully healed in him. A fire that burned in his chest constantly. Swallowing, he shook his head.

"I already lost him," Keith said. This was a fact. He had been at the funeral. Seen the body. Screamed at the remains of the burning building. Lived and drowned and suffocated in that pain. "But you still have a chance. If this means that you're..." He began, cutting himself off in defeat. Dead. This could mean Lance was _dead_.

"It doesn't mean that," Lance said "Not at all." 

And just like that his father was gone.

"Da-" He started and cut himself, reaching forward without even thinking about it. "Where...Where did he go?" He asked and Lance frowned, lips puckering out in confusion as he walked over to stand by his side. His head felt like it was melting and part of his body seemed to involuntarily shake against his will. What was _happening_ to him? Was he dying? Had he been poisoned? Something felt wrong. He was sick.

"Whoa," Lance's voice called and he knelt down in front of him "Keith. Buddy, hey...Calm down, okay? You're fine. _I'm_ fine. Promise." He told him as Keith seemed to stumble forward, grasping at something to keep him upright. "It's okay... Just breath for second, alright?" He said as Keith tried to recollect himself. Everything hurt so bad... "I know it isn't fun," Lance added as if reading his mind "Just give yourself a moment."

"You would tell me if you were dead, right?" Keith asked, voice wavering slightly. The reality of it all was beginning to crash down. He thought back to the pictures in Lance's room. The letters. All the mementos hanging on his walls. Maybe they hadn't gotten along before but then again - they only knew so much about one another. He had a thousand questions to ask Lance. A million conversations. Keith hadn't been interested in any of it before, but the thought that the opportunity could be _gone_...It gnawed at his throat and twisted his stomach.

Lance paused.

"Yes," He finally said and looked in the direction his father had been "I thought you didn't want him here?" He asked and Keith stared at the empty space. It was another minute before he found the voice to answer.

"I don't know what I want." He said, chest numb. He wasn't for sure if he had ever said something so true in his entire life. Lance smiled.

"It may not feel like it... But that can be a blessing." He told him and Keith was left to digest those words as Lance walked away, humming brightly.

It was an hour before Keith finally found the place he was looking for. Still rattled and with his head still aching, he walked in and tried to shake off the previous encounter and focus on finding Soval. The address was one of the many bars on the planet - which thank God, was pretty small. Shiro had pointed out that if Soval promised Lance a drink that a bar was a reasonable place to start their search. Keith walked in, ignoring the strange sound the radiated through the room as he entered. Sort of like a bell, but more like the vibrations of one.

The bar looked like something he might find on Earth - particularly in something like an old Western movie...Though perhaps more modern. It appeared Jika had foregone the previous glass design of their buildings because everything looked wooden now. The floor was hardwood, creaking a bit when Keith stepped forward on it with matching tables sprawled out in no particular order or pattern. The bar itself held a few patrons, sitting on creaky stools with torn seat covers. However, the counter was cleaned and polished to perfection with organized bottles neatly lined behind. Keith couldn't recognize the writing nor did he bother to try and read it as he moved up under where something akin to Christmas lights were strung on the ceiling.

"Excuse me?" Keith asked, walking up to one of the patrons at the counter "I'm looking for someone named Soval? Do you know if he's here?" He asked and heard a slight laugh behind him. He turned to see Lance grinning from one of the stools.

"Wow. You're right to the point." He snorted. Keith inwardly sighed, but resisted the urge to smile back. It was comforting to have him here at the very least. The patron tilted it's head at him, brows coming together in confusion. Now that Keith could see them up close he noted they _did_ look suspiciously human aside from the orange skin and bat-like ears. Keith waited for a response. The alien only stared.

"She doesn't know what you're saying," A voice called and Keith turned to see the bartender walking towards him with a glass. He slid it in front of alien, who was still looking at Keith with wide eyes. "Our kind don't communicate like yours do."

"You seem to be doing alright." Keith told him and the alien's lips ticked up slightly.

"The galra also use their mouths to communicate. Some of us tried to pick up the skill." He shrugged. Keith wanted to ask what they _did_ use to communicate, but decided to pocket that for later... It might explain why Lance had known there was another person who needed help in the memory Red had shown him. But for right now he had more pressing questions.

"I'm looking for someone called Soval - ever heard of the name?" He asked and the bartender rose an eyebrow. He picked up a glass and started wiping it down, regarding Keith thoughtfully. Keith tried not to rush him - despite the fact he felt his body begging for sleep. He wasn't sure where it had come from. Sure, last night hadn't been the best but he didn't think he was that tired. Maybe it was the headache. At any rate he rubbed his eyes and tried to focus.

"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't." The bartender said slowly and leaned against the bar "Why are _you_ wearing a Voltron uniform?"

"Ex-paladin." He answered, briskly "I need-"

"You must be Keith then."

A pause. He wasn't sure what to make of that. The bartender smiled knowingly, tapping the bar with his fist.

"How do you know that?"

"The blue paladin - uh, well. The one in the blue uniform anyways. He mentioned you." The alien smiled. Keith felt his eyes widened slightly. "How is he? I haven't seen the kid in awhile." He said and paused "Soval hasn't gotten him in any trouble, has he?"

Well. This was a fucking jackpot. Keith was almost frozen in shock.

"That's...Why I'm looking for Soval actually." He got out and the alien frowned, shaking his head with dismay. Keith leaned forward. "Please. Anything you know would be helpful." He said lowly "I...I _have_ to find him." He started and looked over to see Lance watching him. He wanted to ask why he was so strangely still (and quiet) but after he blinked he was gone.

Silence followed his words and when the bartender's eyes flicked around the room, Keith almost thought he was out of luck. Instead, the alien only held out his hand. Keith stared.

"I don't have all the words to communicate like you. You're going to have to do this our way."

"Which is...?" Keith said nervously and there was a snort of amusement that met his wariness.

"Sharing thoughts. Usually we don't have to touch each other, but I'm guessing that your quintessence isn't particularly sensitive like your friend's was." The man noted and Keith narrowed his eyes "Quintessence is what allows us to communicate like this," He added with a sigh "Come on. Do you want to know or not?" He asked. Lance had reappeared and was busy trying to read the alien language off the bottles to himself. Keith noted with a new wave of panic that he had dimmed a bit - almost transparent now. What did _that_ mean? He glanced at the paladin for a second and sighed before grabbing bartender's hand. Immediately the scene around him changed. They were still in the same bar, but this time it was relatively less full. The weird vibration sound came from behind him and this time, Keith turned to see the door opening.

" _BEVERN!_ " An alien called and Keith immediately recognized him as the alien Lance had been with in the memory Red had shown him. " _I've missed you! I brought a friend. Look!"_ He gestured and it was then that Keith noticed Lance looking around the bar, dark circles under his eyes. _"Recognize the brave hero of Voltron? Get this man a drink!"_ He called and the bartender (Bevern apparently) tilted his head at Lance.

 _"Uh...Hi."_ Lance said with none of his usual gusto. _"Am I...Am I old enough to drink here?"_ He asked, glancing the many bottles behind the bar. Soval scoffed.

 _"You saved our home... I think we'll give you a pass."_ Bevern smiled and poured something _"Human, right? I'll find something your body can handle."_ He mused and walked towards the other end, leaving Soval and Lance to sit up on one of the stools.

 _"...I only agreed to this so you would show me the grave of the person I couldn't save,"_ Lance warned and ran a hand through his hair _"I'm too tired to deal with much else."_

 _"I thought you were the happy one,"_ Soval snorted, accepting his drink from Bevern. _"Boy, the Voltron show has mislead me there. I haven't even seen you flirt Mr. Loverboy Lance."_ He scoffed and Lance took his cup with a nod and stared at the liquid inside.

_"I haven't...Been really feeling all that flirty lately."_

_"Really? All because one person died? This is not the line of work for you, my friend."_ Soval told him, knocking his drink back. Bevern scowled, taking the glass away from the other alien roughly. _"What? Am I wrong?!"_

 _"It's not just that!"_ Lance shot back defensively _"It's... A lot of things."_ He said and Soval waited. _"That wasn't the first person I've seen die. There's been plenty in this war... It just kind of happens."_ He muttered _"It gets tiring after awhile, you know? I still don't know how to accept it. I just...I keep thinking that they had a family and then I think of my-"_ He started and stopped. Bevern slid another drink in front of him.

 _"You have a family?"_ He asked lightly, taking away the previously glass. _"I bet you miss them."_

 _"I just want to see them again."_ Lance sighed. _"And for this to all go away from a little bit. But I can't stop thinking. It keeps me up all night."_

 _"Ah,"_ Bevern clucked his tongue in sympathy. He poured Lance a glass of water and put that in front of him. _"The universe is cruel like that...Gives us more than we can handle just to see if we can carry the weight."_ He said and Soval thoughtfully tilted his head at him. Bevern noticed and immediately glared. " _Watch it_." He said sharply and Soval immediately held up his hands.

 _"What?"_ Lance said, taking the water. Soval smiled.

 _"I - Ah, nothing. Just... I happen to be in the business of perking people up."_ He shrugged _"A sort of band-aid until people can get past the hard stuff."_ He shrugged and Bevern scowled, shaking his head. _"Oh, don't be so judgey, Bevern. It is perfectly legal!"_ Soval told him and turned to Lance _"There's this thing on our planet...We don't know where it comes from, but it's this disease. Terrible. Zaps people of...Well. Everything. Ambition. Energy. Like...Imagine your entire personality draining away and all you can do it try to make it through one more day."_

 _"Uh...Yeah,"_ Lance frowned _"Depression. We have that on Earth too. I don't have that though...Just anxiety and that's under control,"_ He reasoned before scratching his arm _"Though...I ran out of my medication a little bit ago."_ He murmured and Soval sipped his drink with a hum.

 _"Sure you don't, kid. And as for that anxiety thing? My stuff works for that too -"_ Soval told him and slapped the bar _"Bevern he is a perfect candidate."_ He said, clapping his hands together. _"We can get Loverboy Lance right again."_ He chuckled and Lance's brows furrowed together before he shook his head.

 _"Uh...No thanks. My medication took me awhile to adjust to. I can't be trying to adjust to something else while fighting a war."_ He sighed and ran a hand over his face _"I can deal with this myself."_ He said and took another gulp of water. Soval raise an eyebrow, but said nothing as he took another drink from Bevern.

 _"Attaboy,"_ He muttered _"I don't trust that stuff anyways. The planet it comes from is evil."_ He grumbled _"No sense in putting that in your body."_

 _"It works,"_ Soval insisted _"Sure, the planet is messed up. But look at what it can make! I haven't had a soul who doesn't swear by it. Take the right dose and you'll be fine. It might even help you pilot."_ He reasoned and at that Lance paused in taking another sip of his drink. Soval seemed to realize he had caught Lance's attention because his smile grew _"Really! It is like... A cheerleader. Something that pushes you forward. Motivates you. It doesn't even mess with your brain."_

_"Isn't that what antidepressants and anxiety meds are supposed to do?"_

_"Not this one! No adjustment. No pain. Promise. It is all quintessence based."_ He said and Bevern cleared his throat, making the pair jump. Lance put down his cup quickly, shaking his head.

 _"Sorry. Can we just see the grave please?"_ He said and Soval sighed, giving Bevern a nasty glare.

 _"You're preventing him from getting help,"_ He muttered and punched Lance's arm _"Come on. I'll take you there...And let me know if you ever change your mind about the medicine. Nobody deserves to live like that."_ He said and Lance gave a weak smile before digging into his pockets to pull out a few coins. Bevern sighed.

 _"Don't worry about it, kid. Just come back and visit, okay?"_ He said and Lance's eyes softened before nodding.

The scene faded.

"Did he come back?" Keith asked immediately, letting go of Bevern's hand. The alien nodded and grabbed his arm again.

 _"Hey Bevern!"_ Lance's voice called _"How's the wife?"_ He asked and Keith watched as the bartender slid him something to drink.

 _"You look like shit,"_ Bevern told him and Lance rolled his eyes. _"I'm serious, Lance. What happened to you?"_

 _"Allura is looking for another distress signal...Meaning another mission...Meaning I've been kind of anxious,"_ Lance said and pushed the drink away with the side _"Just water please...Maybe she'll take awhile to find one,"_ He mused and then threw back the water _"I also pissed off this guy and he tried to kill me. He said he was going suck me dry. Now, I wanted to take that sexually but I don't think he would be as amused as me..."_ He snorted and the scene faded again.

"Once a week. Good kid." He nodded and wrinkled his nose. "Soval sometimes came with him..."

 _"You need to stop picking fights with people when you come down here, bud."_ Soval's voice called as he and Lance entered the bar. _"Hey Bevern!"_

_"Another fight?"_

_"It helps relax me!"_ Lance objected _"The sparring bots aren't really doing it for me."_ He said accepting a drink and this time downing it one shot. _"Cut me slack, the guys are all assholes. What are they even going to do? Turn me over to Zarkon?"_ He snorted and tapped his glass on the bar. _"I doubt Zarkon would even bother with me,"_ He laughed _"What's so special about me?_ " He winked and Bevern frowned.

 _"Easy there - you seem a little out of it."_ He warned and Soval sighed, patting his shoulder in sympathy.

 _"I keep telling you I can help... We'll even get your team onboard so they can make sure nothing goes out of control."_ Soval tried and Keith pulled away from Bevern's touch to interrupt the memory.

"That medicine...Did Lance ever take it?" Keith pressed and Bevern considered, tapping his fingers thoughtfully against the bar for a few minutes before shrugging.

"He never told me if he did...I will say the last few times he came in he was...In a _much_ better mood. I would almost say he was happy." Bevern said "I wanted to think things were just looking up for him - maybe he got to visit his family or something. But I suppose he could have given into Soval's spiel about that nonsense miracle cure." He grumbled and Keith felt his stomach twist a little at that. He did not trust whatever nonsense Soval had been selling. Not in the least. But he shouldn't ignore that Lance had apparently be making enemies here... Who might have actually turned him over to Zarkon.

"Do you know what it was? Exactly?" He asked, deciding to follow one lead at a time. Bevern bit his lip.

"Can't tell you all that much about it other than it is called Essence of Siren. The planet it comes from...It is truly awful. A twisted place. Anything that comes from it is probably just as evil." He grumbled and wrote something down "Soval would know more about it though. I'll give you his address." He said and slid it across the bar. "Just... _Don't_ take it. Whatever you do. That stuff is dangerous, mark my words." He warned and Keith nodded, taking the paper.

"Thank you so much." He said, holding it close to his chest "This means a lot."

"Just make sure the kid is okay." Bevern said "We all owe him our lives...Also, just so you know. The last few times I saw him he was _convinced_ someone was following him. We all helped him look - he was kind of paranoid about it. I figured with all the people he got into it with that he just really pissed someone off...Or a super obsessed fan. Never found anyone though." Bevern added and Keith bit his lip. This couldn't be simple could it? His head throbbed in agreement.

The walk to Soval's was tense. Lance had appeared to be waiting outside, jaw locked and hands stuffed in his pockets. He somehow seemed even more transparent now. Keith didn't address him. He could barely bring himself to look at him. The anger was vibrating in his chest. He couldn't bring himself to try and see Lance's point of view. It was much easier to be angry.

"We don't know that I even took it." Lance finally said and Keith laughed.

"Do you expect me to believe a word you say?" He asked, "The only things you tell me is stuff I _already know_ or at least thought myself! I can't _fucking_ believe you. You trusted a random stranger - an alien you didn't even _like_ over everyone else? Over the team?" He demanded "You opened up to _him_? When you _know_ Shiro would have bent over backwards to do literally anything for you? Do you even realize how disrespectful that is? How selfish?" He demanded. He stopped walking altogether, turning to face Lance and let all of the frustration come out "Or Hunk? Your _best friend_ who spends half his time now yelling at everyone because we can't find you? Or Coran? Who has done nothing but look after us since we fucking got here?" He said, voice rising. Lance went still, not replying. "How about Pidge? Crazy. She trusted us with _her missing family_ and her _fake identity_. You could at least return the favor!" He spat and took a step towards him "What about your precious Allura, huh? Was she not good enough for your problems either?" He screamed and Lance closed his eyes. "We have all trusted you with our lives... Clearly, it was a mistake." He said coldly and turned away.

He wasn't for sure if Lance stayed behind him. He didn't care. He was too busy thrumming with anger. His chest tight - making it hard to breathe right.

"You shouldn't talk to people that way."

For the love of God. Keith turned to tell whoever the Hell this was to fuck off, only to pause. A...Galra? Keith's hand went to his blade, but the woman didn't attack. He tilted his head. She was definitely galra. He knew that much. Her eyes were the same yellow and skin purple with markings that Keith had come to associated with the certain members of the species. She smiled, but her features seemed the blur slightly. Keith stared.

"Uh...Are you attacking?"

"No."

He stared. Uncertain of his next move.

"....really?"

"Yes, Keith. Really."

This was bizarre. She even knew his name.

"Are you part of the Blade? Did Kolivan send you?" He asked and her smile widened a little, but it served no answer as she fixed her stride to match his. She was tall - shorter than maybe the average galra, but still bigger than a normal human. Keith didn't let go of his weapon, but allowed her to stay next to him, unwilling to waste time in getting to Soval. "Who are you?"

"I don't think it matters," The woman shrugged "It just matters that I exist, right?" She asked and Keith honestly had no idea how to respond to that. He took a few more steps before realizing she had responded to him yelling at Lance. He glanced over. It was possible she was just super accepting of Keith just yelling at nothing or...

"You're not real either," He sighed and pinched the bridge of nose. "I- why is this _happening_?" He demanded. He didn't understand. Who were these not-ghosts ghosts? Like...Figments of some sort of disjointed reality that only he could see. Closing his eyes, he tried to take a breath. When he opened his eyes, the woman was still there. He didn't know why, but something in his chest seemed to be crumbling.

"I know I've made it hard for you to forgive people..." She said gently and Keith jerked away at that. She reached out as if to touch him, but pulled her hand close to her chest "But you must understand...People have reasons for their actions. Sometimes...They aren't trying to hurt you." She said softly and Keith tried to ignore the building pressure in his throat. She wasn't real. This wasn't _real_. Her words meant _nothing_. "I hope to meet you someday."

Fuck. That hurt. That hurt a lot...But it was the kind of pain that part of you insisted continue. Like biting on the inside of your cheek even though you were bleeding. A satisfying jab.

"Yeah," He muttered "I hope to meet you too, mom."

When he looked up again she was gone.

So...He was just accepting the crazy at this point. That was fine.

After ten more minutes of silence he finally ended up in what Keith could only describe as the 'rich' part of town...Which was amazing since Keith knew that most of this place had only been rebuilt recently. Tall houses that loomed over him with pillars and balconies. The architecture was similar to what you might find on Earth - but slightly different enough so that Keith got an off feeling about it. He glanced down at the symbols Bevern had scribbled down. He figured they were similar to house numbers and when he found a house that matched the figures, walked over and knocked.

No answer.

He stepped back, taking in the large, dark door and golden knocker with the face of some kind of animal he didn't quite recognize. He narrowed his eyes and stepped forward to knock again - this time more forcefully. The noise made him kind of want to throw up, but he pushed it aside in favor of yelling.

"SOVAL! IF YOU DON'T OPEN UP I'M KICKING THE DOOR IN!" He warned. He wasn't sure he could knock down a door _quite_ this thick and grand... But he figured he could improvise. At any rate, his threat seemed to work because a few seconds alter the door cracked open to reveal the one and only Soval.

He looked...Awful. Granted, Keith had only seen him in memories so he didn't quite know what to expect, but truly. He didn't seem this bad before. Long, purple hair was hastily thrown in a ponytail that was greasy and falling out of place. Where before he had been clean shaven, hints of a purple beard were starting to appear along with dark, red circles under his eyes and flushed, orange skin. He leaned heavily against the frame of the door, blinking up at him blearily.

"Not...Open..." He whispered and Keith rose an eyebrow.

"I need to know when you last saw Lance McClain." He said, cutting right to the chase. Soval flinched at the name, almost falling to the floor as he tried to back away from Keith. Keith held out a hand to help him, but that only made him fall back further into the house. Deciding privacy was better anyways, he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him.

"Gone...Please...I gave everything I had." He muttered.

This...Didn't look good. Keith glanced around the house to find it in disarray. Everything was knocked over, some things broken. Soval sighed, seemingly giving up as he laid on the tiled floor, staring absently at the ceiling. Keith knelt down next to him.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked, poking his arm gently. Soval flinched.

"It's...The withdrawal." He murmured. "I stopped too much too suddenly." He whispered. Keith bit his lip. This wasn't what he had hoped to find. He looked over and saw Lance again, watching the scene forlornly. "Please..."

"Don't listen to him. He knows nothing. Let's go." Lance said and Keith shook his head. Part of him wanted to go, sure. A very large part... But that wouldn't get Lance back. The real one anyways. Keith held out his hand. "Keith..."

"I want to help you... But I need to know what happened to Lance McClain. Did you give him Essence of Siren? Did someone take him?" He asked and Soval's eyes swiveled to him. "Show me." He said and picked up Soval's hand to drop into his own. There was a pause and Keith worried the man had passed out, but there was a slight shimmer and suddenly the house was clean and fixed once more.

_"...Lance? Hey, whoa. It's a bit late to visiting, kid."_

_"Soval...Help."_

_"Help? What are you-? Oh by Oit."_ Soval's voice said as he opened the door wider to reveal Lance, practically collapsed on the floor. _"What happened to you?"_ Soval hissed, dragging Lance inside _"Okay, okay. Who should I call?"_ He asked, voice going a bit high with panic. _"Are you injured? Did one of those guys you pissed off get you?"_ He started, but trailed off, brows furrowing together as he looked at Lance a bit closer. _"Aw, no kid. What did you do?"_ Soval sighed and pressed a hand to his head. _"I gave you three months worth. How fast did you do through it?"_

 _"I just took a little...And then...It made...It made everything weird...A week."_ Lance whispered _"Please...They're after me. I need more."_

 _"After you? For the - I can't do that, Lance."_ Soval said and tried to lead him in the next room. _"This is why I said the dosage was important. You take too much and your reality gets fucked up...I guess you do have more quintessence than a normal human...I should have considered that. We need to get you off of it, okay? We'll try again after you get through the withdrawal."_ He sighed and Lance hissed, jerking away.

_"No! No, I need it to get away from them!"_

_"You said before that somebody was following you, remember? There wasn't anyone."_ Soval reminded him gently and Lance clenched his jaw, breathing rapidly as he gripped his head. _"Yeah...I know it hurts. It'll pass."_ He added with sympathy, trying to lead him to sit somewhere. Lance tried to grab a few things, but only ended up knocking them over.

 _"Soval...I just want to see them again. They'll know what to do, I swear."_ Lance tried again and Keith's brow wrinkled. See who again? The people he was trying to get away from? That didn't make any sense...Although Soval seemed to understand as he grimaced and pressed a hand to the boy's face.

 _"I get it. I do. But if you take too much it'll drive you crazy."_ He said firmly _"I'll give you some now - but we're weaning you off, okay?"_ Soval reasoned and part of Keith felt a stab of relief. For all of Soval's apparent faults...He really was taking this in the best way. Lance was looking around, eyes wide and wild as he started muttering to himself before turning back to Soval. _"I'm getting it."_

 _"No. No, please."_ Lance said and shot up, yanking Soval's arm _"I have to get back to the castle before they realize I'm gone. I need enough to last me through whenever our next mission is. Please."_ Lance said, fingers tightening into the alien's skin. Soval frowned, moving to jerk away, but Lance wasn't letting go. _"More. Now."_

_"You're not going to be able to go back to the castle tonight, kid. You are way too out of it. I'll contact your team and-"_

_"No!"_ Lance hissed _"They don't know!"_

Soval froze.

 _"They don't...know?"_ He repeated _"Fuck, I - I told you to let you know you're on this stuff! You're vulnerable like this. Somebody could hurt you - Lance, what are you doing?"_ He growled, but before he could finish Lance had let go of the alien and dashed into the back room. _"LANCE!"_ Soval yelled and went to go after him, but fell silent when a gun was aimed at his head. Lance had grabbed a large, black bag tossing it over his shoulder. _"Okay. Listen. I know you're panicking right now. I get it. I want to help you, okay? Got that?"_

 _"I don't want to hurt you..."_ Lance said, voice shaking _"But I need them to stay. They can't leave or else the others will find me."_

_"Who will find you? Listen, if you take it all then I won't have more to give you when you run out."_

_"Then get more!"_ Lance hissed _"Or tell me where I get more!"_

 _"No."_ Soval said evenly and Lance clicked the gun. _"By Oit - I know you're a good kid. Lance. Come on."_

 _"I'm taking it."_ Lance said, voice now as even as Keith had heard it since the memory started. _"I'm so sorry. I have to keep everyone safe, okay? This is the only way I can do it. If I'm not okay then my team..."_ He trailed off _"I can't let them get hurt. I can't do that. I need to be okay."_ He said said and before Soval could properly react, disappeared into the back room. Keith couldn't see that well, but Lance must have kept the gun trained on him because the alien didn't dare move. A few minutes later, Lance reappeared, bag full.

 _"If you take all of this, I'll be in withdrawal."_ Soval tried again _"You're not supposed to stop taking this stuff abruptly. I won't be able to get you more if I'm like that."_ He said and Lance shook his head, holding the bag close. The gun stayed trained on him. Keith was amazed he somehow was able to hold it so steady despite clearly being weakened. _"Do you remember what you told me before? You said what we want isn't necessarily what we get. This drug wasn't meant to change that... It isn't real, Lance. And if someone is after you...This won't help you defend yourself."_ He said, but fell silent when the gun cocked. There was a long period where the pair just stared at one another and then... Lance opened the door and left.

And Keith was back with the current Soval.

" _Fuck_ ," He whispered and grabbed Soval's arm "What is that stuff? Tell me. Tell me _now-_ " He started, but Soval slumped in his arms. Keith groaned and check his pulse. Steady and strong... But he couldn't wait for him to wake up on his own. He looked over at Lance who was staring at Soval with unblinking eyes.

"We should get him to the castle." Lance suggested quietly. Keith could only stare.

"What the Hell did you do?" He whispered and Lance just stared down.

"It's okay. I'm fine." He promised and Keith gritted his teeth.

"Stop telling me what I want to hear!" He warned sharply and Lance tilted his head. "Just... Stop doing that. Tell me something useful." He said, trying to keep the pain in his head a bay. He went to lift Soval up, but his body almost collapsed under the weight - despite the man not being particularly large. More panic filled him. Something was wrong... Something was wrong. He turned to look for Lance - to maybe seek some reassurance after all. There was nobody there.

"Lance?" He tried weakly, using pretty much all his willpower to throw Soval over his shoulder.

Nobody answered. It looked like he would be making this journey alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Keith. If you're still confused don't worry...You're supposed to be. 
> 
> Here are the warnings below (more could be added):  
> -Anxiety/anxiety attacks; mental health issues  
> -Drug use/Drug abuse  
> -Hints at an unhealthy/abusive relationship (verbally/emotionally)  
> -Assault/depictions of violence (nothing too graphic)


	4. Essence of Siren

Keith felt like shit.

His chest hurt, his head hurt, his - his _everything_ hurt. This _could_ have to do with lugging a large alien to the castle, but also... Keith was strong and refused to believe that be the reason. The most likely reason for his body crumbling apart was that _he was stressed._ Very stressed. The most stressed. Keith was just not having a good time. At all. No...And freaking Lance had decided to not reappear so he was left to deal with this himself.

So when everyone ran up to him as he entered, dragging a still unconscious Soval with him...He just decided to nope out and collapse. Blissful sleep (or unconsciousness) found him, leading to darkness and an absence of problems...At least for a little bit.

"...Keith?"

"Don't talk to me." He whispered and someone poked his side "Don't touch me." He added and when he felt someone gently blow on him, groaned. "Fuck you."

"Wow," Pidge snorted and Keith cracked open an eye to find himself laying on one of the cots in the infirmary. Soval had been put into one of the pods, the lights flashing dully as it kept his vitals measured. "You need to get up and move around. Coran says a little of it is still in your system." She noted and Keith stared.

"What is?"

"Whatever that guy drugged you with," Pidge said, jerking her head towards Soval. "He has _tons_ of it in his system. Or did. Kind of. Apparently he hasn't had any for a few weeks now, which might explain why he's so weak." She mused and crossed her legs "Don't know how he got it into you though." She mused and leaned forward " _Don't_ accept food from strangers!" She scolded and Keith shook his head, trying to steady himself using her arm.

"I...I didn't take anything," He objected "That's Soval. He was _Lance's_ drug dealer." He explained and Pidge stared.

"His...What?" She said slowly "Did you just tell me that Lance had a _drug dealer_?" She asked and when Keith nodded, clicked her tongue. "Right... So. When I let him walk away from me that day... He...Went and got drugs..." She said and it took Keith a moment to remember that Pidge had been the last on the ship to see Lance. "I'm a terrible friend." She announced bluntly, hands curling into fists by her sides.

"What? Pidge, no. God." Keith said and sat up "No - this...This is super layered." He said "The...The anxiety meds and the Jika and Soval...They're all connected." He said and grabbed her hand "There was _nothing_ you could have done that day." He promised her. She didn't look convinced, but nodded all the same. "The question is...Why is it showing up in  _my_ body?" He asked and looked around for Lance. Still gone. Typical. 

"I have no idea..." Pidge said and hopped up on the cot, leaning against Keith's arm. "I sent Allura back up to Lance's room...Maybe she'll find something else." She murmured and Keith thought back to Lance's letter to Luis. Before he could ponder on it too much, Coran entered the room with Shiro and Hunk on his tail.

"Oh, you're awake." The Altean greeted as his eyes flicked Keith up and down. From behind him Shiro crossed his arms, lips pursed tightly together. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit... But also, I didn't take any Essence of Siren or whatever." He said and Shiro scowled at him. "I _didn't_. I don't know why it's in my system."

"Well...It was a minor dose," Coran commented "It could have happened a number of ways...What did you call it?" He asked, tugging at his mustache "Essence of _Siren_? I do hope this isn't coming from a siren planet." He frowned and Keith shrugged. Probably. All he knew was it came from an 'evil' place. The way Coran wrinkled his nose...It was probably the right track.

"Siren?" Hunk repeated "Like...Greek mythology?" He asked, but was ignored as Coran continued to look at different holograms.

"I've been running some tests," He announced "On what I can find on how this affects the body."

"Keith said Lance was taking this stuff." Pidge cut in and Coran paused. Everyone turned to Keith who nodded.

"During the Jika mission...Soval saved Lance's life by preventing him from going after someone right before the explosion. Lance went back to Jika to visit the grave with Soval and... I guess the anxiety was worse than we thought. Soval convinced him to try this Essence of Siren stuff to make him feel better, but from what I can tell Lance got hooked on the stuff and held Soval at gunpoint to take the rest of it." He admitted and swallowed. Hunk took in a sharp breath.

"No," He bit out "We would have noticed if he was on _drugs_." He snapped out immediately. Coran cleared his throat.

"If I may...It may have been hard to tell at first. Human drugs - as far as I can tell - affect your brain," Coran explained, tapping his head "This affects your _quintessence_... And Kolivan said Lance's has a stronger life force than usual...Meaning I'm going to assume how this drug affect Soval over here is similar to how Lance was affected..but not exactly the same." He said and everyone seemed to shift at that. "With Soval it...Well, it takes emotions - more specifically _happiness_ or...tranquility and tries to replicate them." Coran explained "So whatever Lance missed or wanted to see... He would see. Except given that strong quintessences are particularly sensitive he would have needed a much lower dose to affect him. It's no surprise that he formed an addiction if he was taking the amount someone with a weaker quintessence was. Whatever he was seeing must have been very real for him."

"He was hallucinating," Hunk translated "But why would that make it hard to tell? We should _notice_ if our friend seeing freaking images of happiness."

"He would have incentive to hide it." Coran said sharply "Think - what would _Lance_ see when he took a drug that was meant to show him what he desired the most?" He asked and everyone went quiet. 

"His family." Pidge said quietly "He saw his family." 

"And he would have been extra careful not to tip us off because if we took him off the drug..." Shiro said and ran a hand over his face. "Damnit."

"Lance also thought he was being followed. He made some enemies on Jika." Keith spoke up. "Could he have been imagining that as well?" He asked. Coran tugged at his mustache again, eyes flicking over to where Soval was still in the pod before sighing.

"I don't know. It doesn't seem likely... While desires are very... Complex and sometimes even a little counterintuitive I doubt it would form something like that. If he was anxious it could have led to paranoia though." He offered "Perhaps that aided in his desperation to be around his family and others he trusted." He added. Keith looked over to where Shiro was staring at the ground - probably trying to determine exactly what Lance would have seen.

Keith was thinking on similar lines...Though not for the same reasons.

_"I don't want to hurt you..."_ Lance's voice replayed in his head _"But I need them to stay. They can't leave or else the others will find me."_

_I need them to stay._

Of course...

"Uh... To clarify... When you say he saw his family...Could he, like, interact with them? Talk to them? That sort of thing? And they would comfort him?" He asked, fidgeting with his sleeves. Coran nodded absently, tapping more things into the brightly lit holograms surrounding them. 

_ "Of course I'm not missing. I'm right here. Safe. Happy."  
_

_"You're getting upset...Let's talking about something else-"_  


_"It's okay... Just breathe for a second, alright?"_

"Would... If it formed a _person_ then would it just tell you stuff in your memories? Or maybe even your subconscious?" Keith asked, feeling his paranoia hike up a bit more. Coran nodded again, but turned to look over at Keith this time with a bit of understanding flicking across his expression.

_"Are you actually going to help me today?"_

_" The only things you tell me is stuff I already know or at least thought myself!" _

_ "Stop telling me what I want to hear!"  _

Keith clicked his tongue. "And, uh... This... drug...Does it _always_ take the form of what you most desire?" He tried, Coran clicked in a few more numbers and nodded. Well then. There was _that_ mystery solved. Unfortunately for him... He wasn't the only one who had figured it out.

"Wait," Pidge said suddenly and turned to Keith "When you first got here...You said you saw Lance."

Oh boy. 

"And Coran said you were on the drug..." Hunk chipped in. 

"Yeah. Cool. Let's move on." Keith muttered and when everyone continued to stare at him, groaned "He was _missing_. Of course I wanted to see him! It makes sense that he would appear for me!" He bit out and for the first time he swore he felt a stab of good humor trickle into the room. Keith scowled at glances were exchanged. It would be at his expense.   


"You said you saw him _before_ we told you were missing." Hunk added and rose an eyebrow. "Interesting."

"Lance could literally be dying right now and we're going to focus on this?" 

"That's a good point," Shiro interjected quietly "This would be a better conversation to have later...When Lance is present." 

" _Shiro!_ " Keith hissed and took a long breath. Shouldn't they be more concerned by the fact Keith had been drugged almost immediately upon entering the ship? Ridiculous. Before he could respond though, Allura had practically fallen into the room, eyes wide and hands trembling. Pidge and Hunk rose up, hands cautiously moving towards their bayards as they looked around for some unseen threat. Shiro carefully reached out, steadying her as she continued to try and stutter out her next words.   


"The castle," She breathed "The castle...My father..." She got out and Coran rushed to her side "I saw...I saw...His memory must still be..." She managed and Coran walked her over to where Keith was sitting. "I...I _see_ him." She whispered and Keith glanced to where she was staring. Nothing. Coran looked over his shoulder and very calmly took her hand, putting it on one of the tablets. A few beeps sounded and he removed it.

"It's in her system." He said quietly. 

"What are you talking about?" Allura asked loudly and Keith gripped her arm, keeping her from getting up. 

"Siren of Essence. You somehow got it in your system. It makes you see stuff that makes you happy." He explained and squeezed her hand "It'll wear off in a couple days...Enjoy it." He suggested because really...What else was there to do? It was weird that she had it so suddenly though...And when nobody else aside from Keith had been infected. He could see Shiro's face also puzzled by the - wait. She had been in _Lance's_ room. Where Keith had been when Lance first appeared. He shot up. 

"I need to check something." He announced and before anyone could try and stop him, sprinted out of the infirmary. His head was still pounding, but for the most part he ignored it, making his way through the mess of hallways and bright white walls until he pounded the code in and slammed open Lance's door. Nothing. But he also didn't expect it to be right in the doorway. He pushed past the mess and into the bathroom where the golden bottle had now been spilled - probably by Allura. The glitter was all across the counter, sparkling in the light. Keith swallowed. He glanced over his shoulder before turning back and very slowly picking some of it up, running it over his fingers. Nothing happened. He thought back to the smell... The sweet, appealing scene that almost put a taste to his mouth. He rose it his nose and this time he noted it smelled like the ocean. 

"Why are you in my room _again_ , mullet?" 

Keith closed his eyes. 

"So...This is Essence of Siren." He breathed out "You didn't take it with you." 

"How do you know I left?" Lance asked, crossing his arms over his chest "Maybe Soval kidnapped me as revenge. I also made some enemies back there."

"He was in no state to do that." Keith mused...Though... If Lance robbed a _dealer_... There was a good chance some angry clients would be after him in addition to the be people he had ticked off. Maybe that was who was following him. Keith sighed. Part of him regretted giving into the temptation of taking the second dose. He just... He needed to speak to Lance. Even if it was the one his own mind had created.  


A part of him crumpled at the thought that all he had learned through his conversations with this Lance...Well, it wasn't true. It was just conclusions his mind had jumped to. In reality all he had learned was through letters and memories of someone else. All the reassurances Lance had given were just lies given through his own, desperate mind trying to calm him down. 

"You seem on edge," Lance frowned as Keith continued to pace the room. "I would offer a massage, but uh..." He said and wiggled his fingers. "I could sing a song!"

And despite the fact it was all lies... All of his mind's wants and pain... He needed someone to confront. Maybe that's why he took the second dose.

"I still don't understand. What were you _doing_?" Keith demanded, spinning towards him. "What the Hell were you thinking? Did you even care how dangerous that stuff was? Did that not even cross your mind?" He asked, voice rising. He wish he could touch Lance. To grab him and shake sense into him. The boy paused at Keith's shouting, brows rising in slight surprise before he tucked a foot under his leg on the desk and shrugged.

"Of course it did," He answered and Keith stared. "But what else was I supposed to do? You're doing the same thing right now."

Keith clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"What else - ? Get _help_. You could have gone to Hunk. Pidge. Allura. _Shiro_. Hell, I would have even done something if-"

"Please," Lance interrupted "Why would I have gone to _you_?" He asked and Keith paused. This version of Lance had always seemed to bright and chipper...At most he had argued, but never seemed truly  _upset_. Despite the building evidence that his sunny personality was all a facade, Keith had never seen a sign of actual bitterness or agitation until this moment. He supposed his mind hadn't wanted to see Lance upset...Or hadn't perceived that he _could_ be. That had certainly changed. Maybe the truth was that _Keith_ wanted to be confronted.

"You _left_. You abandoned us. It's what all of you do..." He muttered, crossing his arms. "I don't understand it. Everyone here is freaking out that I'm gone... I'm just doing what everyone else did." He said and leaned up against the wall. "Just leave me alone and let me be happy." He said. Keith pursed his lips.

"Not everyone has left."

"Pidge tried. Shiro convinced her to stay," Lance shrugged, holding up his pinky finger - it reminded Keith of the last time Lance had done some counting. When he was trying to step aside from the team. "Hunk didn't leave us - but he has barely talked to me since realizing he could talk to Pidge about stuff he was actually interested in..." He scoffed, adding another finger. "Shiro...Well, he left unwillingly, but was gone all the same. For months. Leaving us with _you_."

"Right," Keith muttered "I thought you were...Okay with me being the leader. After I got the hang of it." He added hastily. It kind of stung to hear those words with such venom. Lance - his one true supporter during his stint as the black paladin. He tried to remind himself that this was his own mind. His own guilt confronting him because Keith _wanted_ Lance to confront him. Badly. It felt like this was his fault...It was his fault and he needed someone to tell him that.

"Sure, sure. It was great for awhile. Up until you started leaving us behind to do more missions for the blade. Prioritized Shiro over us. Ignored all of my advice and desperate attempts to get you to stay. Then I realized why I hated you in the first place." He said and turned away "You're just like your mother - whoever she is. I still don't understand why you're here now. Just go. Be a lone wolf. Why does it bother you that I'm gone?" He said and then laughed, snapping his fingers. "Oh, oh! I _know_! Because if _I'm_ gone then that means _you'll_ have to return to Voltron... And God knows you can't stand being apart of a team. Or at least part of this team." He said and Keith felt his skin prickle. Lance smiled. "So you're here to drag me back to make sure I keep taking your place. You don't care about me. You don't care _where_ I am or _what_ I'm doing or _who_ I'm with - as long as you can keep me as your fucking placeholder."

"That is _not-_ "

"IT IS!" Lance yelled "That is all _anyone_ has _ever_ seen me as. Including you!" He shouted and Keith took a step back "You _know_ this too. You have to for me to even be saying it!"

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Yes you do," Lance interrupted, voice cold. "You've figured this part out. I know you have. Everything I've told you...Everything I've said since I appeared you _already knew._ That's the point of me being in your head!"

"No!" Keith said and shook his head vehemently. "No. You're wrong."

"I told you about my family on a mission once. That's how you knew who was in the photos and letters."

"You told me-"

"You figured out the mission went badly when you saw the bathroom."

"I didn't-"

"You _knew_ something was wrong when I tried to leave the team. You had figured out I was in a bad place a long time ago and _that's why you left_. So I could stay with the people who would support me." Lance told him and Keith couldn't stop his heart from pounding loudly in his ears "You might not have ever admitted it to yourself, but you _knew_. Everything I have ever said you _knew_ on some level and _you still left_. The only thing you don't know is where I am...And I can't tell you that." He laughed.

Keith stared. His mind felt like putty. He turned away, letting Lance's doors slam behind him loudly as he took a deep breath. At this point, there was only one place to go. He made the familiar trip from the paladins' rooms to the hangars, breathing in deeply. His senses seemed to be working in overdrive, making everything brighter and louder and just... _more_ than they should be.

"Hi, Red." He greeted. Rumbling fell over the room. "I need you to let me in." He said and the glowing eyes dimmed slightly. "I get it now - it's confusing for you," Keith sympathized "You're affected by the drug as much as he is with your connection. You sense he's happy and don't want to ruin that...But, come on. Blue's connection is weak enough where she isn't being affected by it and she knows something is _wrong_. I'm telling you something is _wrong_." He reiterated "You have to help me. Tell me where he would go - and why wouldn't he take the last bit of essence with him?"

Red's eyes flickered.

"If we don't find him he could _die_. We still don't know if someone else has him or if he ran away...Or what. Please." He tried. He could feel Red hesitating as he reopened their connection. The previous fear now made sense. Red hadn't known what was happening to him. It was a little terrifying to think this stuff was strong enough that even the lions could be affected by it. It occurred to Keith that Red's state could also be indicative of Lance's...As long as he could feel the disorientation and hesitation through the link _must_ mean Lance was still pumped with Essence of Siren...

" _Red,_ " He insisted and pushed harder on their link, cracking the old would wider. The lion tried to reel back, but Keith pressed harder, refusing to let go. He poured his memories into him - trying to show what he had learned and articulate as clearly as he could what was happening. Red's resistance paused for a moment and he let out a shaky breath. Almost. "Come on."

 _"...okay, so I think I'm weaned off. Maybe?"_ Lance's voice said and Keith saw him on the floor of Red's cockpit, surrounded by paper and the orange and white bottle he had found in Lance's room. _"I think I did the math right."_ He sighed and held up a familiar white paper. The one Keith had found on his floor a few days ago.

_30= 3x2 weeks, 2x5 weeks, and 1x14 weeks - > 21 weeks = 4.8 months_

_"I can't believe we've been in space for so long,"_ Lance groaned _"Those five months flew by... And I was doing well those fourteen weeks where I only took it once a week..."_ He added, looking down at the bottle. _"I thought I could do well without the pills...What do you think Red? Should I tell someone and ask for a refill?"_ He asked, biting his lip. Red purred. _"Maybe... You know, maybe Soval has a point. If there isn't an adjustment period and it could actually help me pilot..."_ He trailed off, looking at a notebook by his feet.  _"My shit days must be affecting you too, huh boy?"_ He sighed and ran a hand through his hair  _"We can...Try it maybe. And if we don't think it's good, we can stop. We can definitely stop."_ He repeated and his voice faded away.

Keith almost fell when he felt the wall between him and Red broke away. For a second everything went cold and numb before drawing back. Red had leaned down, opening his mouth. Keith smiled.

"Thanks, Red." He murmured and patted his paw, "Good boy."

He got a purr in response before he entered the cockpit, looking around. For a second, Keith felt his heart flutter and a sharp jolt of adrenaline rush through him. A lone figure sat idly in the pilot seat, humming under his breath.

"Lance...? Lance!" Keith said loudly and reached out. Red _had_ been keeping him safe all this time. Maybe he had - No. Keith's hand went through him. Damnit. Disappointment started to swell in Keith's chest as he swallowed and clenched his fist. He pulled his hand back to his chest as the image of Lance looked back at him with innocent eyes. 

"What do you want to find in here?" He asked and Keith shrugged, glancing around as he tried to refocus himself. For the most part, the lions' cockpits all were pretty similar with hologram surroundings and high-tech panels... But Keith knew Red's cockpit better than anyone and easily pulled at the floor paneling, revealing a small compartment that he would occasionally use to store emergency rations and gear. Lance looked to also have found it...Only he had filled it with notebooks. He recognized one from the memory Red had just showed him. Keith took it out and flipped through it. It was logs.

_Day 1: Work on seeing through Blue's eyes...Whatever that means? Allura says it's important_

_Day 2: Work on seeing through Blue's eyes and faster maneuvering_

Huh. Lance hadn't seemed like the type to make critical notes on his own piloting. He smiled a little at it, noting some of the notes in the margins.

_I DID IT!!!! Blue's vision is amazing!!! _

_I figured out how to do this ice thing. So. Freaking. Awesome. Haven't seen Keith do any fire stuff...Ha. Sucker._

"Really?" He asked, holding it up to show Lance. The boy leaned forward to read and grinned back at him with a shrug. It was weird. Despite the fact Lance had finished screaming his hatred to him about thirty minutes ago, the boy acted like nothing was wrong. He wondered if this was how the drug worked for Lance. Letting his guilt confront him before reeling back and acting like nothing had happened. Keith swallowed and grabbed the next notebook, flipping to the middle.

_Day 169: Red won't listen._

_Day 170: Red isn't going to listen. Why should he?_

_Day 171: Not interested in training...Taking a break today._

Keith felt the smile disappear.

_Mission Report: Almost got Hunk killed because I wasn't fast enough. Trained for four hours - fucking useless. Red is the fastest lion! What's wrong with me?_

_Day 173: Working on speed._

He flipped to the back of the notebook.

_Day 213: Training list - speed, maneuvering, and aim. Training Time - Five hours._

_Mission Report: Six people killed._

_Mission Report: Nine people killed._

_Mission Report: Four people killed._

_Mission Report: Two people killed._

_Mission Report: Ten people killed._

"Lance..." Keith sighed and picked up the third notebook. He hesitated in opening it, looking up to try and read Lance's face. It gave away nothing... As Keith knew it wouldn't.

_Holona Xivo: Two eons old. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Considered young for her species. Killed on Pinov._

_Alleno IC: Five deca-pheebs old (child). Green hair. Orange eyes. Killed on Kyhin._

_Matrion IC: Thirty deca-pheebs (adult). Green hair. Orange eyes. Mother of Alleno. Died on Castle of Lions (suicide)._

_Jisif 4324: Twenty deca-pheebs. Purple hair. Dark eyes. Killed on Jika._

"Is this a list of everyone you couldn't save?" Keith asked quietly, going through pages and pages of names and identities. His eyes felt stuck on the last one. Jisif. Lance seemed to have gone through extraordinary lengths to find them. He tossed it aside, unable to look anymore and brought out a different notebook. He prayed to open it and find something more lighthearted. His stomach sunk when he saw an even more familiar list of names.

_Mission Log:_

_Pidge - II_

_Allura - I_

_Hunk - III_

_Keith - IIII_

"What is this?" He sighed, flipping for more pages. This appeared to have been after Keith became Black paladin. He bit his lip, noting the increasing amount of tallies next to his own name. What was this counting? A few pages later, he got his answer.

_Mission Log:_

_Pidge- II_

_Allura- III_

_Hunk- I_

~~_Keith-_ ~~

_Shiro- II  
_

_Notes: Need to watch Pidge when she confronts an enemy head on. Doesn't watch her back. Led to two close calls. Allura is still adjusting to following Shiro's lead. Makes her hesitate in her decisions - need to back her up more often until confidence is regained. Hunk is careful, but relies to heavily on Yellow's armor. Be proactive about anyone heading to close to him. Shiro takes hits for the rest of the team. Beat him there._

"This...Is this a _tally_ of how many times we almost died?" Keith asked, horrified. Lance winced, possibly hearing the note of pure alarm in Keith's voice. "Lance... Jesus. Why did you...?" He started and cut himself off. He knew the answer. And sure enough, Lance gave him a weak smile before giving it to him.

"It let's me know how well I'm protecting you." He said quietly and Keith ran a hand through his hair.

"In some ways...You are more of a lone wolf than I am."

"Nah...I do this because I can't stand to be alone." Lance told him and stared at the notebooks flung about "I wouldn't want you to see these." He added and Keith bit the inside of his cheek, daring himself to pull out the last notebook. "Why are you torturing yourself? This isn't leading you to where I am. It's just letting you know how fucked I was." He said. Keith said nothing, flipping open the cover.

_Dear Keith -_

"Oh, God no." Keith said and pushed it off his lap. No. No, he wasn't doing this. Lance rose an eyebrow at him the silent I-told-you-so obvious as ever. He _hated_ the idea that Lance wrote something to him in the same way he wrote to his family back on Earth. He _hated_ that Lance considered him as far and distant as the people he might not ever see again. Keith thought back to their occasional calls. Always short and light. Small talk. The most real Lance had ever been was that one night when Keith had no idea why Lance was even on the comms at all. Now... Now he knew he must have been in Red. Writing these.

"I think the others are probably looking for you by now." Lance told him "Come on, mullet. Let's go find them."

Keith opened the notebook again.

_Dear Keith -_

_Okay, starting out a letter to you as 'Dear Keith' sounds super stupid. I would prefer starting it like...WHAT'S UP MOTHERFUCKER?! but I get the feeling you wouldn't read the rest so I'll just go with these for now. Anyways, I kind of have a confession. I know we haven't always gotten along (uh...my bad?) but nobody else feels like the right person to talk to? I don't know. Maybe I just miss you. Things have been so different since you left. It might have just been in my head, but I kind of thought we were becoming friends... I guess that's stupid. You aren't the kind of person that has friends, I guess._

_Anyways, you are definitely a hot head about some stuff...A lot of stuff. But also, like... You can be really reasonable about other things. Or at least you were the last time we talked. I'm dancing around the issue. Advice. I need advice. From you. Don't rub it in my face either, mullet. I'm taking a severe hit to my pride right now...So be nice, okay? The truth of the matter is I haven't...Well, I haven't been entirely honest with everyone? And at first it didn't matter, but now? It's uh, not looking so good. I just don't really know how to tell people now. I've sort of been sick. Not physically sick! Just...Mentally sick. I have been since before space and all that, but the thing is I've been doing really well for awhile now. I had medicine and a therapist and everything. It was pretty good. Except now...Well, seeing war hasn't helped and I'm constantly worrying over getting someone killed and there's not a lot of people to talk to and my medicine...I had some with me when I went to space, but I'm running out quick. I think I can wean myself off of it and make it last longer though! That should work, right? Right.  
_

_It's just that right now I don't feel all that great and I'm worried it's going to cause somebody to get hurt. I would lose my mind if something happened to the team because I wasn't at my best... I'm actually freaking out about it. I really need someone to tell me to get it together. I know you're really busy with the Blade and might not want to visit or anything, but if you, uh, have some time maybe...I don't know. Come spar or something? I have no idea what else you like to do. Have you ever seen a movie? Taken a walk (without being angry, I mean)? Done something fun? Bold of me to assume you know what fun is, I suppose._

_I know the others would want to see you too! Pidge won't admit it, but she misses the crap out of you. We turned your old room into a gaming room (full disclosure). We said it was to annoy you, but I know Pidge likes finding some of your old stuff laying around sometimes. Also, Hunk always sets an extra plate for you at the table because he forgets you're gone. Not to make you feeling guilty or anything! I'm glad you're hanging out with some...Homies or whatever. But yeah. Visiting would be cool. If you wanted to._

_I sound stupid. And am somehow rambling in a letter. Only me. Right. I'm going to go now....but yeah. Advice and visiting - those were my points._

_Hope you're doing well!_

_....best wishes? Sincerely? No. I got it._

_SEE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!_

_-Lance_

"Why didn't you send it?" Keith said tossing it to the side. Lance stared at him, sitting backwards in the piloting chair, arms hugging the back of the seat.

"Are you going to yell some more?"

"No... I just..." Keith said, looking for the right words. He stared up at him. "I am so sorry...For everything you went through."

"You've been through just as much-"

"Don't." He interrupted and kicked one of the notebooks away from him. "After I find you... It's going to be better. I promise." He said and looked down to see one last notebook in the mix. Red purred, making him jump. Lance snorted and patted one of the control panels affectionately. Keith let his head fall back, fatigue draining him. After a few seconds he sighed and grabbed it. Despite the fact they had learned a lot about this Essence of Siren crap it felt like they were no closer to actually figuring out _where_ Lance was. Keith closed his eyes and flicked it open.

_Day 1: Okay, the stuff Soval gave me is pretty intense...but he was right! No headaches, no throwing up, no dizziness or fatigue - nothing! This might actually work. It is kind of weird seeing my family again, but a good weird. I feel...Safe, I guess. I was an idiot to doubt this. Might need to lower the dosage slightly though. Just because it is a lot to process._

_Day 2: Still good. Killing it. Shiro said my piloting was fantastic today!_

_Day 6: Things kind of weird...the last time I thought someone was following me, my family calmed me down and reminded me it was just anxiety. Now they're telling me to run? Does that mean it isn't in my head?_

_Day 9: I've been in Red's cockpit for almost four hours now... I know they're there. They're watching me. I don't know what they want. Soval and Bevern don't believe me. What if they work for Zarkon? I can't let them get to the team._

_Day 11: I messed up. I messed up bad - but I can't let them find me. I need to get away from the team otherwise they'll find them too. I need to leave. I know someone will find Soval. He'll be okay. He'll be fine. I found a place to go where they can't get me. Marco says it'll be fine. They won't find me there and nobody will leave me._

"Fuck." Keith hissed, sitting up. He closed his eyes right up until the doors opened again.

"I see Red is amicable again. Good job." Allura's voice told him and he hummed. "Blue is still agitated, but I think this calmed her down...She's stopped screaming in my head at least." She said and knelt down to put a hand on his shoulder "We have to - what are these?" She frowned, looking down at the notebooks. Keith said nothing, but opened his eyes to see her pick one up and read a page. Her face gave away nothing, but he could see the tension in her shoulders rise. He handed her the last one and watched her face harden for a moment.

"Soval is awake," She finally told him, putting the notebook down. "He can explain this." She said and held out her hand. Keith took it, not bothering to put anything back. He didn't have the energy to. Instead, he just grabbed the last notebook and followed Allura out, unwilling to even glance down at them once more.

When they entered the room, Soval was drinking some sort of tea. Shiro was talking lowly to him, face dark and foreboding. Keith internally winced. If - no, _when_ they found Lance...There was a high chance that he would never leave Shiro's sight again. Poor guy. He had been there. An overbearing Shiro was not a great place to be. He cleared his throat, alerting everyone to his and Allura's presence. Allura reached out her hand to something in the air and Keith felt a stab of sympathy when he realized the drug was still affecting her. She sighed and pulled it back to her chest.

"Thank you, Paladin Keith." Soval greeted "It was kind of you to bring me here."

"It wasn't for you," Keith told him honestly "You're the guy who decided to get Lance hooked on Essence of Siren." He added coolly and Pidge sighed, shaking her head at him. Keith shrugged. He knew...Technically, Soval hadn't been the sole factor in Lance's breakdown. If anything, he was probably the most responsible of them all... But Keith ached for someone to blame. For someone to _hate_ for this other than himself. Soval flinched.

"I tried to help him-"

"We know," Shiro interrupted quietly "We just want to find him. Do you have any idea if someone might have taken him? Did you tell your clients who stole your supply?" He asked and Soval immediately shook his head.

"People came knocking...But I was too weak to respond and nobody broke in before, uh, the kid." He said, jutting his chin towards Keith "So there was no way my clients knew he had it...Though I can't rule out the people he pissed off."

"I think he left," Keith said and held up the notebook "Look at the last entry - he was trying to lead whoever he thought was after him away from you guys." He explained, passing it around. Hunk took the notebook and exhaled slowly, taking measured breaths. Shiro put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, handing the book to him before staring Soval down.

"If he  _did_ leave of his own accord..." Coran said slowly "Where would he go?"

Silence.

"Well?" Hunk asked impatiently "Do you know?"

Soval looked down at his cup, silent for a few more seconds. Keith was about to throw in his own snide comment to rattle him when the alien looked back up, sighing heavily as he nodded. Everyone moved in closer.

"I...Can't be _certain_ , but your paladin was a smart, kid. Looking at what he wrote," He said with a nod towards the notebook that Shiro had handed to him "I wouldn't be surprised if he figured out where I harvested the essence..." He said and swallowed "You can't technically _overdose_ on Essence of Siren, but if you have too much it can warp your sense of reality. Part of the reason it does that it because the planet it comes from is designed to do that in a more extreme sense." He said slowly and Pidge cleared her throat.

"You make it sound like it's alive."

"Kind of," Soval admitted "In the way a plant might be alive, perhaps." He reasoned "I...It isn't exactly a planet. I mean, it is called Essence of Siren for a reason..." Soval started and Allura made a sharp choking noise that. Everyone turned to her.

"You mean to tell me it comes from a _real_ siren?" She demanded, voice going high. "I thought it was only because of the effect and color. Not...What kind of fool _are_ you?" She asked and immediately seemed to reel her emotions in, face going blank. Soval shook his head.

"I used the Alteans' old ways of walking among them..." He said and Coran hummed. Hunk cleared his throat.

"Care to catch us up?" He asked.

The princess’ eyes snapped to them, lips pressed in a tight line. Keith wondered how she could look so composed all the time. All the humans seemed so expressive in comparison. He remembered Lance always told Pidge she was worse because she was so small that there was nowhere else for her emotions to go. Keith didn’t think that explained _him_ if that was the case... Well. He used to think that.

“Sirens are… They are _fake_ planets essentially.” She shook her head “Quintessence that forms into something that someone desires. It is used to lure its victims in and suck out their quintessence to become stronger.” She said, and Keith noticed her hands were wringing themselves together.

"Meaning if Lance took a high enough dose then it could try to lure him back to its original source. The fact Lance has an unusual amount of quintessence would be especially compelling to a siren. A...Uh, bigger meal in a sense." Soval sighed and Coran turned away from them, typing something fast into the castle's panels.

“ _What_?” Hunk shot up “Well how long does sucking out his quintessence take? Lance has been missing for over a month!” He said and Allura gave a noise of acknowledgement. From behind her, Coran pulled up an image of what looked to be a ball of gold. The camera kept moving closer to it, showing the that what appeared to be a solid sphere was in fact made up of many different particles. Keith could only assume this was what the planet was supposed to look like.

“It can range," Allura continued "Typically sirens like to feast slowly, going through each desire in depth in order to get more…emotion.” She sighed “Depending when Lance reached the surface he’d have some time, but the longer he stays the harder it will be to pull him away.”

“What happens if we go after him?” Pidge asked, her eyes drifting to the screen. The holograms showed the swirling gold getting even closer, almost completely obscuring the screen. “Wouldn’t we get affected too?”

“Not if we have protection.” Allura nodded at her, “As Soval mentioned Alteans had a way of walking among sirens. We were often victims... Though back then there was no such drug from it. In the past, we’ve developed methods to prevent ourselves from being affected…I’m not sure how effective it will be on humans. Coran?” She asked and the advisor glanced up from where he was typing frantically.

“I’m already working on it.” He hummed “Taking into account what we’ve learned from your bodies in the healing pods I can give you the correct dosage so you won’t be affected by the sirens... Or be poisoned.” He told them curtly. Keith tilted his head. He wasn’t sure he had ever heard the redhead so…Terse.

"Couldn't that be an antidote?" Pidge pointed out and turned to Soval with narrowed eyes "Why didn't you give Lance some your magic pills?' She drawled out sarcastically. Soval opened his mouth to speak, but Coran cut him off.

"It's preventative. He would have had to take it before he took the Essence of Siren." He reasoned without looking up from his work. Pidge seemed to consider that for a moment before sighing and giving a curt nod. Hunk put a hand on her arm, squeezing it with a forced smile. The room's tension was still high, but there was some hope in the air that they at least had some sort of destination.

"I don't think we should ignore that Lance thought he was being followed," Shiro interrupted, running a hand through his hair "I agree that we should look into this...Siren planet thing, but even if he was paranoid there must be some reason he was so fixated on that." He said and Keith felt himself nodding in agreement. Pidge, on the other hand, shook her head.

"Look at the entries Lance wrote. In the beginning they calmed Lance _down_ when he thought that. Later on they encouraged it. That might have been a way of luring him towards the planet... Convincing him it was a safe place to go and safer for _us_." She reasoned "This stuff is...It knew his mind. It would have been easy to convince him by using that against him." She pointed out. Keith thought back to Bevern's memories. How he had been picking fights, the notebooks that clearly showed Lance's fear of not protecting them. All clues on how to best lure Lance away.

“Perhaps...But there’s more on the siren front,” Allura interrupted and sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly. The only sign of defeat in her body. “If we decide to visit the planet-"

"Of course we're visiting the planet!" Hunk snapped and Allura nodded, scratching her arm nervously as she glanced at an empty space next to her.

"Yes, of course...But even if we give something preventive to go on the planet, the sirens can still… Show you things.”

“You _just_ said-” Keith started. Pidge jumped, as if she had forgotten he was there.

“I said it will protect you. And it will.” Allura interrupted “You won’t be able to see anything that will lure you in there, but you will see what _Lance_ sees. The figures the sirens create – they’ll be able to interact with you. Talk to you as Lance might expect them to interact with you.”

“Meaning what exactly?” Shiro frowned.

“Meaning if in Lance’s vision he sees water and you touch water it will be as real for you as it is for him. The only difference is you aren’t enchanted.” Allura said. Coran hummed in agreement, still putting stuff into the computer. Something popped out and he looked at a small pill for a moment before shaking his head and going back to typing more.

“Alright, let’s take this alien drug and bounce.” Pidge stood up. Her eyes drifted to her teammates, trying to read their expressions. Hunk was tense, but nodded and rose to join her. His eyes were fixed on Coran, lip hidden underneath his teeth. Keith wondered if he knew what Lance might be seeing on this weird planet. It sounded more detailed than just a group of people.

“How long will the…Protection take to make?” Shiro asked as the others stood up. "And how are we supposed to find this planet?"

“A few days,” Coran told them “But try to go in one at time so that we can be sure nobody else is affected. I would hate for you all to get sucked into the siren’s greedy grasp!” He said with a forced smile. Keith knew Coran would never admit it, but Lance was his favorite of them all. He always spoke softer to the blue paladin, explaining to him Altean beauty products, and showing him secret rooms of the castle. It occurred to Keith that maybe Coran had been the only one who had seen something the rest of them had missed...Guilt whirled in his stomach. "Also, the princess can't go." He added and Allura froze.

" _Coran!_ " She objected, but Shiro was already nodding in agreement.

"You're already infected with Essence of Siren," He mused "It might be too risky to put you on a whole planet of the stuff - even if you had this protection stuff." He reasoned. Allura looked like she might argue, but paused as if interrupted. She looked to an empty space again and her posture loosened slightly. Keith grimaced in sympathy as her expression pinched painfully and she nodded, reaching out slightly towards the emptiness and sighing when her touch was met with nothing.

"I can show you where the planet is," Soval said. He still looked weak, but he was at least talking. He turned to Keith. "Coran told me you were infected as well - are you sure it is out of your system?" He asked and it took Keith a second to realize...Nobody knew about the second dose. He looked at where Lance was standing in the corner of his eyes. It was a small dose...Coran said the stuff would take a few days to make and it should be out of his system anyways. Besides, he couldn't leave Lance.

"You shouldn't lie," Lance told him. "The others can find me."

"I'm sure." Keith said instead. "I'll be fine."

“Good.” Shiro nodded and looked around “If we can't all land at the same time we'll have Pidge go first, then Keith.” He said “Hunk and I will follow." He reasoned and Keith almost wanted to call him out on purposely making the smaller people go first. He was ninety percent sure his reasoning was that they would be easier to pick up and pull out if something went wrong...Which he resented. Still, now wasn't the time.

“Sure thing,” Pidge smiled tightly and clapped her hands together in a foe gesture of excitement. “But if I get there and find out Lance’s desire is a massive orgy I’m dipping out _immediately_.” She warned them, smirking at the grimace that went around the room.

This would be fine. It couldn’t be any harder than fighting Galra, right? Just grab Lance and go. Easy. Perfectly easy.

"You know better than that..." Lance's voice called.


	5. The Garrison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh yisssss now to the good stuff

Lance was gone. For the most part. Definitely. Maybe.

Keith would swear on some occasion he might see a glimmer of the other boy around to corner or hear a hum that was the same cadence as the paladin's. Part of him wanted to believe he was simply being extra vigilant since...Well... He wasn't sure what would happen if he showed up on a siren planet with Essence of Siren in his body. He wanted to think it was all out of his system... Still this might be a meager hope considering Allura was still seeing Alfor and she had the drug in her system for longer than Keith had taken the second dose.

Taking a calming breath he tried to reason it would be fine. Completely fine. It _had_ to be. After all - this was their only lead on where Lance could possibly be. If he wasn't on the siren planet... Well. He had to be on the siren planet.

"He's going to be there," Pidge said from her place at the dining table, probably reading Keith's mind with a gadget or something. She stabbed a fork into her space goo. "He is." She reassured them all. Keith nodded in agreement, taking a small bite of his own food.

In front of each of them was a small pill. Coran had spent the past few days working on it and had finally deemed it safe for them to take before stepping onto the planet. Keith studied it as he ate, taking in the pale pink of it. Unlike most pills on earth, it wasn't in a oval capsule, but shaped in a sphere about the size of the end of his pinky finger. Hunk was looking it over, looking a little warily at the size it. Keith hoped nobody choked. That was the _last_ thing they needed.

"Remember to report back once you reach the surface," Shiro reminded them for what might have been the...twelfth? No, the hundredth time. "We wait until the report is finished to send the next person in. If you feel _any_ effects whatsoever tell us and try your best to get back to your lion." He added. Everyone hummed in acknowledgement, though nobody was really looking at him. All eyes were now glued to the glowing map in the center of the table.

"We're here," Coran said quietly, jabbing a finger at where a blinking dot was moving among the stars "And we'll have to stop about...Here or else we'll be too close to the planet and get sucked in. When you get in your lions you'll be able to see the planet well enough." He tacked on, pointing towards a giant golden ball towards the center of the map. Keith had no doubt it would be hard to miss from their lions.

"How do we know Lance will be there?" Hunk asked, poking at the map experimentally "We need to tell right away if this place is worth our time."

"If it is, you'll know." Allura shrugged "You'll see what he sees since he would be the only affected...If you get there and there's nothing or you see something that doesn't relate to Lance...He won't be there." She said and Hunk seemed to relax at these words, nodding as he leaned back in his seat and took a long breath. Keith pursed his lips, letting his gaze flicker across the map to the pill once more.

"And how do we know where he is?" He asked, nodding at glowing ball of gold "This place looks pretty big."

"Lance's visions will help you," Allura dismissed and everyone turned to stare at her "I told you that the way you interact with this place will feel the same as he expects it to. If he pictures his family as helpful then they will be helpful." She told them "Otherwise they would be out of character and illusion might falter." She reasoned. Everyone nodded, seemingly accepting the information. Keith wrinkled his nose. It seemed... Well. He shouldn't question the logistics of this world too much. After all it wasn't so much a 'world' as it was a greedy alien parasite sucking Lance dry of his quintessence.

Eh. Tomato, tomahto.

"We're almost there." Shiro announced. The ship seemed to groan in agreement, beginning to slow down from its previous speed. Keith took another breath. It would be fine. He would get to see... Well. Whatever went on in Lance's mind as something he desired.

"Parties! It's going to be una _fiesta_!" Lance's voice called and he jumped at the suddenness of it, turning to see a whisper of the other boy's jacket as the familiar vision disappeared around the corner. Right. It was _almost_ gone. Very close. Nothing to worry about.

"We should get to our lions," Hunk said, reaching over to grab his helmet. He picked up the pill and made a face before turning to Coran. "What happens if I throw this up?" He asked and Coran tilted his head, eyes narrowing for a moment before shrugging.

"I wouldn't recommend it." Was all he said and Hunk only looked at him for a moment before sighing and swallowing it whole. Shiro and Pidge quickly followed suit. Keith picked up his own, rolling it in his hand before grabbing the drink on the counter and throwing his head back. It went down better than he expected - no choking at all considering the size. For a second he paused, waiting for something to happen, but the most he felt was a small tingle in the back of his neck. He turned to the others.

"Ready?"

"Let's go!" Pidge smiled weakly and walked out towards lions.

It was another twenty minutes before they were ready to go. Since Keith technically didn't have a lion he was in one of the spare pods, waiting for Pidge's signal before launching himself towards the planet. He was right before - there was no mistaking it. The gold almost completely obscured his view top to bottom and they were almost three miles away.

How were they supposed to find Lance on something so _massive_?

" _Keith_ ," Pidge's voice crackled over the comms " _I'm here... I don't feel anything... It's beautiful here though."_ She said, the last part of her voice almost a whisper. Keith frowned, but nodded pushing his pod forward a bit.

"I'm coming!" He said and held his breath as he pushed forward and moved past where Shiro and Hunk's lions were still waiting to either of his sides. Part of him wanted to go full speed into the gold - which seemed to be more of a fog now that he was closer - but he held off, remembering the feeling of Red's fear jolting through him a few days ago. A few more seconds past and everything surrounding him was now gold.

The first thing Keith saw was the ocean. It rolled and crashed around him, the water spraying his face with mist and sea salt when his pod landed in the sand.

“Where is this?” Pidge asked as Keith slid out and dusted a few pieces of sand off. She was standing in the water, the ocean rolling around her ankles as she took in the beach around them. For the most part it was pretty empty. There were a few small groups scattered about, but nobody seemed to notice them.

“Is it a beach? It’s probably Varadero.” Hunk called back through the comms “I think that’s where Lance said he grew up.”

Keith frowned, taking in the beach with a small nod. He could picture Lance living in a place with this. With the hot sun and rolling waves. It fit him. Shiro’s voice called to them, reminding them to update them on how they were feeling. Pidge and him both shrugged. He felt no draw, no need to stay here at all.

“Great,” Shiro said “We’re coming down.”

“It’s beautiful.” Pidge said, looking up at the sky which was filled with reds and oranges as the sun set “No wonder Lance misses earth.” She smiled and took off her the gloves of her armor to touch the water beside her.

“Hey! _Hermano_ , _Adónde fuiste?"_ Someone called and a Keith spun to see a girl walking up to them. “Lance?” She shouted and froze when she turned to them. From behind them Shiro and Hunk’s lions had landed, causing the girl to stumble away from them, eyes widening.

“Hi!” Hunk greeted, yelling over the ocean. He jumped out of the ship and splashed into the water, yanking his helmet off as he did so. Pidge snorted when the yellow paladin fell directly in, almost doing a complete somersault.

The girl took a few steps closer, her bare feet entering the water as she tilted her head at them. She looked familiar…Her eyes a dark blue that was extenuated with glasses and hair cropped short.

“Hello,” she greeted cautiously “You don’t belong here.”

“No,” Keith agreed “We’re looking for someone.”

“For Lance.” She nodded and for a second her eyes flickered gold. “Me too.”

The group exchanged a wary look. Pidge jutted out her chin, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. This image was clearly part of the siren’s trickery, but Allura had told them to work with them…

“And you are?” Pidge asked shortly.

“Veronica.” The girl answered “Lance’s older sister…Do you know where he would have gone?” She asked and the resemblance clicked. Sister. Of course. Keith thought back to the photos he had seen earlier. It was weird to pair the printed version of this person with Lance's memory of her... It was almost dizzying in a way.

“Where’s the rest of your family?” Hunk asked, placing a hand on his bayard. Keith tilted his head a bit. He honestly didn’t know much about Lance in terms of his life on Earth…He felt as though he had only recently learned the bare basics of the guy. Hunk seemed to have a bit more background information though.

“Do you know us?” Veronica smiled brightly “Lance has mentioned us to you?”

“Yeah. He used to talk about you all the time in the Garrison.” Hunk nodded and Veronica’s smile faded.

“But not in space,” She bit her lip and for a second, he could feel her eyes drilling into them. “I see. Follow me.”

Keith blinked. Veronica had set off, stomping across the white sand with the wind catching her overalls slightly so a strap blew off her shoulder. Hunk took a hesitant step after her before they all gave a sigh and ran to catch up.

Keith did not have a good feeling about this.

Veronica led them into a town. There were plenty of people bustling about, but none seemed to pay them much mind. There was a mixture of English and Spanish – every so often Keith swore he heard a hint of Altean in there too - he thought back to the books in Lance's room.

"Holona!" Somebody called and Keith stopped walking to see a man racing past to hug an alien who was waving in one of the cafes they passed. Holona...He had heard that name before... Pidge paused, tilting his her head as she followed Keith's eyes.

"I recognize her," She said quietly "She was killed a little while ago. Lance tried to save her, but she was already dead before he could do anything."

The alien laughed in the distance, covering her mouth to hide a smile at whatever the man who had approached her said. Right. Holona Xivo. That had been a name in one of Lance's notebooks. Pidge gently tugged his arm, pulling him to where the rest of the group had gotten a few feet ahead of them.

“He could be here.” Veronica was saying brightly as they wove their way down a dirt road “It’s his _favorite_ place to eat. For… Obvious reasons.” She shook her head “You know how he is. Complete mama’s boy.” She rolled her eyes and opened the door to a wooden building. A bell chimed behind them as they all filed into what appeared to be a small diner.

“I’m here!” A woman called from somewhere in the back. Hunk jumped at the sound. “Well…Mostly. My heart seems to be dilly dallying behind me.”

“Me? _I’m_ your heart? _Mi amor_! Marry me!” A man shouted back and Veronica sighed.

“Gross, isn’t it?” She tutted and there was a clattering of plates before a small woman appeared before them. She was wearing a suit, dark hair neatly braided back and a briefcase by her side.

“Ah, look who it is!” She beamed “Did Lance send you?” She asked and without waiting for them to answer shooed them into a nearby booth. “Give me a moment to change. I’ve been at conferences all weekend. My husband will help you.”

“Papa!” Veronica called “Come out here!”

“So bossy!” The man from before complained. He didn’t look much like Lance, though Keith could make out familiar blue eyes that sparkled as he whisked himself over to the table. “Hello everyone!” He smiled brightly as the woman patted his cheek and disappeared behind the counter. “Soda?”

“Sure…” Pidge said slowly and tilted her head. “Is Lance here?”

“Lance? No.” The man said “If you want a chance of finding him, ask my wife.” He said, jerking his head where the woman had just disappeared. “She knows her little boy better than anyone.” He tsked and Veronica snorted.

“Ah. Papa, you do know Lance is an adult now, right?” She grinned and Lance’s father paused in handing everyone out their drinks to let his eyes widen.

“ _My_ son? An _adult_? Veronica McClain you better take that back!” He crowed and pointed a straw at her. Veronica shook her head and offered a wry smile to the group.

“Mama will know where he is. Sorry.” She sighed. “He can be a bit slippery, Lance.”

“He’s with Sylvio.” Lance’s mom called. She was in a yellow dress now, an apron tied neatly around her face as she pushed her way back to him. “He’ll be so excited to see you all.” She smiled warmly.  “And me too hopefully. I haven’t seen him all week.”

“Why not?” Hunk asked, suspiciously looking at the steaming food handed to him. Keith accepted his with similar askance. Allura had also told them it was safe to eat stuff here but...Really _was_ it? He pushed the plate away from him. 

“I’ve been in Orlando for a book signing,” Lance’s mom shook her head “It’s been a mess keeping this place going and traveling so much, but- _Nadia_. _”_ She snapped as a small hand reached up and grabbed a piece of bread from the table.

“Uh…Sorry.” A small voice said and a mini-Lance suddenly was in front of them. Well. If Lance had pigtails and a dress.

“Nadia you have your own food over there.” Lance’s mom rolled her eyes. “Veronica, go feed your niece.”

“Come on, little thief.” Veronica grinned and Nadia squealed when she was lifted up and flung away from the table. Veronica cackled evilly, ignoring her parents’ warnings to be careful as she swung the other girl out of sight.

“How big is his family?” Shiro asked, looking awed and tentatively picked at his food.

“Pretty big.” Hunk answered, having given into the hunger and inhaling both his soda and plate in front of him. “I think he said he had four siblings. There was Veronica who is older, Nadia and Sylvio are his twin niece and nephew… I think he said they were eight? They’re his oldest brother’s kids…Luis, I think. Rachel is his other sister. His other older brother is-”

“MARCO!” A boy screamed running in. Again, he looked like another mini-lance as he whirled around, hands clenched into fists. “Marco that’s not _fair_!” He whined and stomped his foot. Another boy with long, dark hair came in, a baseball bat slung over his shoulder.

“Aw, come on Sylvio. Don’t cry.” He said with a roll of his eyes “Lance just forgot!”

“No, he didn't!” Sylvio growled “You _tricked_ me!”

“Where is Lance?” Veronica frowned “Mama said he was with you. Oh – what did you do to Sylvio, you bully?” She scowled, abandoning Nadia in favor of scooping up the little boy.

“He tricked me.” Sylvio muttered into his aunt’s arms. “He said Lance was coming and he _didn’t_. I want to see Lance!” He whined and Veronica frowned, raising an eyebrow at the older boy, who shrugged as he lazily tossed the baseball bat to the side and threw himself into an open booth.

“Marco.”

“Easy, hermana! He went to visit Riley. I was helping a little bro out.” Marco smirked, and Veronica made an annoyed noise as she put Sylvio down. Keith froze. Riley. He had completely forgotten about that. Curiously he glanced up to see everyone else's reactions. Nothing. 

“Lance will be back soon.” She said and shot a nasty look at her other brother “You could have _told_ him that! Mama did you-” Before Veronica could finish, Lance’s mom came back with her arms crossed over her chest. Marco immediately grimaced, putting his arms up in surrender.

“He wanted to see Riley!” He said quickly, and Mrs. McClain growled something in Spanish that made Marco wince before nodding. Veronica scoffed from where she stood with Nadia and Sylvio.

“Who’s Riley?” Shiro asked carefully and the family’s eyes all flew towards him. Nadia gave a small giggle from where she was wrapped around Veronica’s leg before singing her answer happily.

“Riley and Lance are in _looooveeee_!” She giggled “Riley and Lance sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-”

 Ah, shit. Keith looked at Pidge and Hunk, but they didn't seem surprised... Then again, Riley _was_ a pretty unisex name. Besides _they_ could already know. Maybe. Keith tried to tell himself that three were closer than he and Lance had ever been. They would have known these things about him. He looked back down at his food, letting his stomach uncomfortably twist at that. 

_“Nadia_!” Veronica rolled her eyes “Riley and Lance aren’t _dating_ anymore! They’re probably saying goodbye.” She said and Nadia’s lips went into a pout. Everyone at the table blinked, exchanging curious glances. Huh. So maybe they didn't know. Sure, Lance had never mentioned dating anyone currently or in the past. Keith realized he wasn't sure if Lance was still _dating_ Riley when they went into space. Based on the conversation - no... But also, this was supposed to be Lance's perfect reality. Strange. The others said nothing...Perhaps it wasn't a surprise with him being such a flirt, but Keith still thought something about it felt…Weird.

“I liked Riley.” Sylvio muttered and Mrs. McClain smiled down at her grandson, cooing as she scooped the boy up in her arms before turning to them. “Are you all done? Marco can take you to meet up with Lance!” She said and Keith looked down at his uneaten plate before nodding. It really was delicious. He felt a stab of envy as he looked at Lance’s family. He could never have anything like that… Then again, did that make it worse to lose? After all... _This_ was what drove Lance to the brink. Maybe he was the lucky one.

Marco jumped on the edge of the table, grinning down at them all.

“So let me guess!” He beamed “The tiny one is Pidge, right?” He asked and the paladin in question paused in examining her soda intently to scowl up at him. “And the really hot guy with one arm must be Shiro.” He nodded, ignoring when Shiro flushed. “The adorable marshmallow must be Hunk.” He added, grinning when Hunk gave him a thumbs up, still devouring his food “Which means _you,_ Mr. Emo, must be Keith.” Thomas finished, his smile growing. “I’ve heard so much about you.” He added and before Keith could respond, Hunk jumped in.

“Should we get going soon? We’re on a bit of a time limit here.” The yellow paladin said, eyes flickering between Marco and Keith. At least he was saved from having to hear all of the complaints Lance had about him. Sighing, he jabbed his garlic knot with his fork. Shiro frowned at him.

“Oh, right!” Marco asked and threw sly wink at Keith. What was _that_ about? “Come right this way, I’ll give you the proper tour.” He smirked and allowed a dramatic twirl towards the exit. He could see how the guy was related to Lance.

“We really just need to find Lance.” Shiro interjected, but Marco batted the words away.

“Of course, of course. I’m taking you there.” He said impatiently “Just thinking we might need to take the scenic route with Lance and Riley having some alone time, you know?” He asked and Pidge shook her head, stuffing some garlic knots in her bag. Whether they were to eat later or experiment on, Keith had no idea.

“No. We need to find him now.”

“Wow. You guys are so serious.” Marco grumbled, but shrugged. “Oi! Mama, Papa! We’re heading out. _L_ _os quiero a todos_.”

“ _Yo también te quiero_!” Lance’s mom called back “Be back for supper, won’t you?” She answered, laughing slightly when her husband grabbed her from behind. Veronica covered Nadia and Sylvio’s eyes with a groan.

“Can you _not_ be in love for five minutes?” She told them “Some of us are single!”

“Yeah, you might find someone if you didn’t threaten to beat them up, sis.” Marco scoffed and opened the door. Veronica let Nadia go to flick him off, ignoring the girl’s scandalized gasp at the action.

“Don’t worry, tía.” Sylvio said, eyes still covered by Veronica’s hand “I’m single too.”

“Oh my God,” Veronica groaned and kissed the top of his head “Everyone in this family is the worst.” She snorted and gave them all a wave goodbye “Tell Lance to come home soon. We miss him.” She smiled. Keith gave an uncomfortable nod. It was so weird to think that these people were their _enemies_ in this moment.

Was Lance’s family really like this? So…Warm and loving? He wondered how stark of a contrast that was to live with Voltron. Aside from Hunk and Lance himself, nobody was really affectionate. Obviously, they were family, but…

No, no. He didn’t need to think like that. Letting his hand curl around his bayard he followed Marco out the door, the noise of laughter dying behind him.

“Sooooo,” Marco smiled at him as they began their trek down towards wherever they were going. “Have you guys been to Cuba before?” He asked and a collective no rang through the group “Ah, disappointing. It’s pretty cool down here.” He shrugged “Where are you all from then?” He asked and listened to the various locations. Keith frowned. He didn’t realize Hunk was from Samoa. He never really thought to ask.

“And you?”

“Uh, Texas.” Keith answered. Marco snickered as Pidge’s mouth dropped.

“Does Lance know that?” He asked and Keith blinked, a bit confused. What was so funny?

“Um…I don’t think so?” 

“Please, _please_ tell him,” Marco grinned “He would love it. You, mi amigo, are the epitome of an American stereotype.” He said, throwing a finger gun at him “Well…You would be if you wore a cowboy hat or something. Do you have a cowboy hat? That would be awesome!”

“No.” Keith said flatly.

He did…But nobody needed to know about that. Ever.

Marco’s face fell in disappointment, but he seemed to shrug it off fairly easy in favor of dancing around and pointing out everything they were passing. The tree where Lance fell and broke his arm. The small alley with glittering bricks was where Luis proposed to his wife, Lisa. The church on the hillside was where Lance and Rachel would hide out for days whenever they did something particularly devious.

Keith found himself almost getting caught up in all the stories and memories when suddenly a voice shouted out.

“ _Marco!_ ” Someone yelled and the boy glanced up to see a figure running towards them. “Hey what are you all doing here?” The person called as they jogged up – a boy, Keith realized. He looked about his age, with soft curly hair and green eyes that lit up when he caught sight of them. Recognition washed over Keith. Part of him...Well, he wasn't  _surprised_ to find him here. But maybe...Disappointed.  “Lance was just looking for you!”

“He isn’t with you?” Marco groaned “Damn. We’re trying to find him.”

“I think he went towards the pier.” The boy shrugged and Shiro cleared his throat.

“You said he’d be with Riley?” The black paladin asked and the boy raised an eyebrow before tilting his head at Marco.

“Um. I mean, he _was_. But like I said, he went to find you guys.” He said “Clearly he isn’t with me now.”

Keith felt his stomach do a cartwheel as he looked at everyone else to gauge a reaction. Shiro blinked, but didn’t have any other reaction aside from that. Hunk nodded to himself, seemingly accepting this turn of events while Pidge wore her shock clear on her face, mouth gaping open as she looked up at Riley.

“How long did you and Lance date?” Hunk asked bluntly - clearly unimpressed with Riley. At the paladin’s noises of alarm, the yellow paladin scoffed. “Oh come on, they aren’t _real_. It doesn’t matter if I’m polite.” He grumbled.

“Two years technically. But we’ve known each other since we were…What? Eight?” Riley mused, tapping his lips with his index finger. “I helped him get his first girlfriend, ironically.” He snorted.

“Shot yourself in the foot there.” Marco smirked “The pier, you said? Let’s go.” He yawned and Riley spun around, pointing towards the beach with a battle cry.

“I’ve never heard Lance mention you.” Hunk said as they continued on. The younger boy was watching Riley carefully, lips drawn into a thin line of distrust. His hands were clenched as he casually put them in his pockets.

“Hm. I didn’t think he would. Homophobia. Biphobia. Bi-erasure. You never know who’s going to rip you out of the closet and hate you for it.” Riley shrugged “Besides, I’m only Lance’s desire at the moment.” He said, spreading out his arms. His eyes flicked gold for a moment as the paladins started. None of the images themselves had really _addressed_ that this wasn’t real to them "And a _stunning_ desire I am!" He said brightly with a tilt and flourish.

"I don't know... I think he can do better." Keith said dryly and immediately regretted the words when everyone turned to him. "Shut it." He said when Pidge smirked. Riley crossed his arms, looking Keith up and down with his nose wrinkled slightly.

"Oh yeah?" He asked and before he could say anything else, Shiro cleared his throat. "At least he _likes_ me." Riley muttered and Keith had to admit that stung a little.

“Wait.” Pidge said suddenly and stopped walking altogether. The group turned to stare at her. Like Hunk, she was watching Riley with extreme skepticism, eyes narrowed from behind her glasses. “If these are Lance’s desires… Why did Veronica say you and Lance _broke_ _up_?” She demanded.

Riley blinked. For a second his expression went blank before he seemed to swallow and shuffle slightly.

"Jeez," He grumbled "You can _miss_ your ex, you know. Especially when the ex is a childhood friend who knows you better than any of your teammates do." He sniffed and this time Pidge was the one who winced a little at the sharp words. Keith was beginning to see why the guy may have not been the best fit for Lance if _this_ was an indication of his personality...The part of his personality that he must have _liked_ even. Yikes.

“We call it a confliction,” Marco spoke up, covering his mouth when he yawned. “Sometimes what a person wants conflicts with something else they want. Losing someone is complicated. Lance may very well desire the times when he _did_ love Riley, but also desire the times where he...uh, didn't. Sorry dude." Marco added and Riley shrugged. "Or maybe he started to feel something for someone else.” The boy told them and Keith couldn't help but feel a bit of confusion at that. Who else was Lance in love with? Or...Maybe not love, but. Yeah. _Desired_.

Keith seemed to forget that was what this place _was_. A castle of dreams and wishes that were trapped in Lance’s mind… He had honestly expected more parades, food, and dramatic strip teases. Not a warm beach with a soft sunset and Spanish music...Maybe he had learned nothing during his previous search after all. Confusion quickly replaced the few moments of sadness he felt stab at him when he paused in front of... Huh.

"Um..." Pidge said and tilted her head "Is that what I think it is?" She asked, looking towards her teammates. Keith turned, fully expecting to find the beach and rolling waves they had been walking across. Instead was a large, looming gray building that towered over them. Hunk stepped back.

“Is that…The Garrison?” He asked and it took Keith a second to note the orange flag flapping in the wind. Huh. It didn’t… The Garrison had never seemed to large and foreboding before. Keith had always considered the place rather suffocating. Obviously, Lance thought differently.

"Very good!" Riley snorted "You're going to have to go through here to get to Lance." He explained, shaking his head at the building. "I wish you the best of luck though." He said and Marco hummed in agreement. Shiro turned to them, brows furrowing a bit.

"You...Aren't coming with us?" He asked and while he sounded as calm and confident as ever, Keith caught the hint of worry underlining his tone. He couldn't blame him. Being abandoned by a...Quite honestly evil looking version of their old school did not seem to bode well. Marco shrugged, tugging at the collar of his shirt.

"It never crossed Lance's mind for us to be in the Garrison. We don't want to mess with that." He said and smiled warmly "Don't worry though, we have a few guides for you. Veronica worked here after all and Lance's teacher is - oh, speak of the devil! Hey!" Marco called, waving his hands over his head "OVER HERE!"

Holy shit.

“I think the stuff Allura gave us is wearing off.” Shiro said, jaw set into a firm line. Keith frowned, but shook his head.

“I…See him too.” He whispered and Shiro’s brow wrinkled at that. “I don’t understand-” He started, but was cut off when the figure approached them, slightly out of breath as he beamed up at them. Keith took a measured breath, trying to make sure his shock wasn't showing on his face. The man was dressed in a standard Garrison uniform that he had seen many of the teachers wear, his glasses slightly askew from the job over and hair ruffled from the wind. Pidge and Hunk both were looking at the guy blankly, no recognition touching their features. 

“There you are!” The man laughed and wiped his brow “This place is a mess to navigate…Who are you guys?” He asked, turning to look at Voltron curiously “You don’t belong here.” He mused and Shiro took a small step back at that.

“You…Don’t recognize…Us?” The paladin asked. Keith heard the silent ‘me’ at the end. He curiously glanced over at Adam who was staring at them without the faintest bit of recognition.

“Oh… _Oh_!” Adam reeled back a bit “Do I know you in, uh, real life?” He said and there was a weird knot that yanked at his stomach. Shiro let his eyes flick up and down with consideration before curtly nodding “Huh…Lance wasn’t aware of that.” Adam told them and the implication of all this settled in.

“But…You know _Lance_?” He asked and Adam shrugged. “Enough to be part of…All of this?”

“Ye of little faith,” Adam snorted “Yeah. I was the teacher assigned to teach him English when he came to the Garrison.” He shrugged “He’s a good kid. Smart. I keep telling him he’ll make a good pilot one day,” He said fondly “He doesn’t seem to believe me.”

“That’s changed,” Pidge snorted, a smile playing at her lips “He is pretty sure of his skills now.” She told him and Adam paused at that, brows coming together a bit in bafflement as he seemed to register Pidge’s words.

“Then why am I here?” He asked, head tilted to the side. Before anyone could respond, Marco cleared his throat.

“Hey, hey!” He said, snapping his fingers to regain their attention “We’re trying to find Lance. Do you know where he is?” He asked and Adam shook his head.

“I came because Veronica said you were going to find him…I wasn’t sure what version, though.” He shrugged and Keith turned to find Shiro stiffening again.

“ _Version_?” He repeated tightly “What do you mean?”

“What do you think he means?” Marco snorted “You sentient beings… _Humans_ especially – have a ridiculous amount of desires. So many dreams and hopes and wants…It is impossible to make them _all_ a reality when so many things conflict.” He said “So to make it easier to sort through we have to scatter him.”

Nope. No, no, no, no, _no_. Keith felt his panic rise at that. _Scatter_ him? What the Hell did that mean? Adam must have read the horror in his expression because the man smiled gently, reminding Keith when he had first met Shiro’s boyfriend all those years ago.

“It doesn’t hurt him. His _body_ is in the place the desire is strongest. Little pieces of his…Uh, what do you people call it…?” Adam snapped his fingers “Consciousness? Soul? Quintessence? Whatever it is, is spread out in different areas to deal with the conflictions.” He said and Keith could only stare. It was weird. This…Was not the Adam that Keith remembered. He seemed too… Something. He supposed this was how Lance saw him. Reassuring and confident. Still it was strange. Adam opened his mouth – perhaps to say something else – but paused when there was a crack of thunder.

“Uh oh,” Marco sighed “That might be your cue.” He told Adam.

“Cue for what? Someone better explain this. Now.” Pidge snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. Adam rolled his eyes and jutted his chin to behind him.

“This is another type of confliction.” He said “Lance wants something…But it is rooted in something bad, or something he didn’t want.” He told them and pushed past the paladins to open the door to the building “Coming…?” He called and the rest followed through. The entrance was quiet - but certainly not empty. Students were all lined up in the hallway. Completely still. Watching them silently. Keith almost felt his hair prickle.

“This is Lance’s….Desire.” Pidge repeated as she followed him, doubt in her voice as she looked around the clearly horrifying version of their school “One that can help us find the _real_ him, right?” She frowned and Hunk was quick to sync into step behind her, holding the next door open for Shiro and Keith. Adam only chuckled. That didn't make Keith feel any better.

Other than the initial creepy line of students, the building was empty. Their footsteps echoed nosily down the hall, almost ringing in Keith’s ears. It was a sort of eeriness that made his skin crawl. An invisible wind made flyer’s on the wall flutter and occasionally water might drip from a fountain nearby. Adam seemed undisturbed by the emptiness as he led them through various hallways that were much more confusing that Keith had ever remembered them to be.

“….I’m _trying_.” A voice said and Hunk straightened at the voice. Lance. It was distant – somewhere down the hall – but unmistakably their friend “Veronica, please! Help me!” He said and Keith felt a burst of alarm set in at how desperate he sounded. Without thinking, he pushed past Adam, making his way towards where a single door was cracked open, light spilling from it.

“Lance…” A girl groaned and Keith stepped inside the room to find Veronica sitting on top of a desk at the front of classroom, leg tucked under her as she stared at where Lance was writing at the board. “Come on. It isn’t that hard.”

“I know…I know…” Lance muttered and picked up a textbook before shaking his head “But…The words – they don’t…They don’t make any sense.” He murmured. Keith frowned. This certainly didn’t look like a desire. The frustration was painted on Lance’s face as he clenched a fist by his side and turned back to the board. “I…Why can’t I understand?” He asked, voice going small.

“I don’t know, Lance.” Veronica sighed “Try again.”

“Maybe…Maybe we could translate the book into Spanish? That might make it easier for me-”

“You’re going to an _American school_! You shouldn’t have to always have things translated for you!” Veronica snapped and Lance flinched away at the harshness “We never should have sent you here. You’re just wasting money.” She told him and Keith cleared his throat.

Nothing happened.

“Lance.” He called, but the paladin simply continued running a hand through his hair, hastily trying to flip through the book. Frowning, Keith walked over to put a hand on Lance’s arm, but paused when he noticed the board. The words… They weren’t words at all. Just weird symbols and lines that sometimes made vague shapes.

“What…?” He asked and Veronica’s eyes snapped to him.

“It’s what English looks like to him. Well. Before he learned it anyways.” She said and Keith jumped a little at her attention. Lance turned from the board, having been writing something on the paper in front of him.

“What?” He asked, looking through Keith to his sister.

“I didn’t say anything,” Veronica told him “You should be focusing on answering the question. It’s been over an hour… It really isn’t a hard one.” She scoffed and Lance wilted at the words before tossing the book to the side.

“I’m done.” He announced and Veronica rose an eyebrow “I’m not _smart enough_ for this! Why am I even bothering?” He asked in disgust and tugged at the top of his Garrison uniform “I…I don’t want to waste mom and dad’s money if I’m just going to fail. It’s too hard.” He shook his head and looked down. “I want to quit.”

Immediately, Veronica’s face softened. She jumped down from the table and put a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“It’s okay if you do…We won’t think less of you for it.” She promised, the previous coldness now replaced with the warmth Keith had seen in her earlier. Lance’s shoulders loosened and he leaned a bit more into her touch.

“Really?” He asked “You won’t be disappointed?”

“Of course not! We just want you to be happy.” She said and tugged him into a hug “You don’t _always_ have to win, you know. Sometimes it’s okay to give up.” She said and Lance took a shuddering breath at that “It’s always okay to give up if it makes you smile again… Hasn’t anyone ever told you that?” She asked and Lance stared at her, pulling away.

“Lance-” Keith tried again.

“You just did,” He smiled and squeezed his sister’s hand “Thank you.”

“ _Lance_.” Keith said sharply as he watched the boy head towards the exit of the classroom. “What are you doing? Lance, snap out of it! We need to leave this place! We’re on a siren planet and-”

“That’s not the one you’re looking for,” Veronica told him as Lance walked out of the room past where everyone else had been watching silently from the side “That’s just a smaller version of him.” She said and Keith turned to glare at her, but was silenced when he noticed that another Lance was now at the chalk board. After a few seconds of working he sighed.

“Veronica, I don’t understand this.” He groaned “How come I can’t get this stuff? Everyone else seems to…Keith _Kogane_ gets it.” He added bitterly under his breath and threw the book down. “He doesn’t even try…Maybe I should quit.”

“Excuse me?” Adam called and Lance spun around to see the man walking towards the desk to sit next to Veronica “Quit? _You_? I don’t think so, pal. You can get this.”

“Hey…” Lance greeted with an air of exasperation “You always say that, but I still am sitting here without the answer.” He told him and Adam scoffed. “What?”

“Do you think they would assign you _easy_ work? Lance. The point is that it’s supposed to be hard to get the answer.”

“But everyone else-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Adam dismissed “Come on. I’ll help you throughout. We can’t let those superb piloting skills go to waste over one little problem, can we? English is a tricky and the question is tricky, but we got this.” He said and got up to hand the textbook back to him “Try again? I think you can do it this time.” He said. Lance took it, running his finger over the spine before smiling a little.

“Maybe… Thanks, Adam. Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one here who doesn’t think I’m stupid.” He shook his head and Adam fondly ruffled his hair “Okay…So what exactly is the question asking…?” He started and Veronica tapped Keith on the shoulder.

“We should go. They’ll be awhile.” She said and jumped off the desk to head towards the door “You want to find the main Lance, right?” She asked and looked over at everyone else “Come _on_ , then. Rachel is waiting for us.”

Rachel. That would be Lance's other sister. Keith turned, listening to Lance laugh as Adam attempted to explain something by aggressively clapping his hands and dramatically gesturing towards the board.

“Did…Adam really help him like that?” Shiro asked as they followed Veronica down the hall “Or was that just something he wanted to happen?”

“Well…He didn’t quit.” Veronica shrugged as an answer “And he didn’t fail.” She said and paused, looking at Shiro for a couple seconds. "If this place was yours instead of Lance's...Would Adam still be here?" She asked and both Hunk and Pidge unanimously turned to their leader at this. Shiro seemed startled by the question. Keith figured that was fair - it was a startling question. Still, he was pretty sure that Shiro already knew the answer so he just pushed his friend forward, ignoring Veronica.

As they walked down another empty corridor, Keith saw another version of Lance chasing after someone, laughing as he tried not to trip over his feet. For a second, he turned and Keith could have sworn he waved at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this wasn't too confusing. I'm writing high on pain meds now so I'm not for sure what I'm doing anymore lol. Everything else I've tried updating has been too much of nonsense to publish.


	6. The Escape

Rachel looked exactly like Lance. Twins. He shouldn't be surprised. He knew that from the pictures. She was waiting for them outside the building, humming merrily as they approached, looking out towards where the pier was in the distance. Where Lance apparently was. Perhaps she sensed they were all still tired from the previous...Adventure because she didn't say anything to them... Or maybe she was this quiet in real life. He supposed that would make sense. Lance's antithesis. She might have been the calm he had been missing for all this time up in space.

The silence continued on for a few more minutes before the approached the edge of the water. It was frustratingly empty. Keith wondered if Allura was wrong in that the sirens would help them. She had said that they would treat them as Lance would have thought they would...That if it was their desire to find Lance they would feed off of that too and lead them to him, but so far Keith saw no real evidence of it. They were still Lance-less and they had been there for a few vargas at least.

“He isn’t here.” Shiro prompted “Where is he?”

Nobody answered. Keith turned to demand an explanation, but Veronica had disappeared. Only Rachel stood by their side, her eyes fixed on the beach as the waves crashed over the bank, rolling over the sand and splashing on the rocks.

“This way.” She said and set off again, moving towards some cliffs overlooking the ocean. They were already on the beach so Keith could only look directly up to see how high they went. Most of them went directly into the water, but where they stood was a sort of mixture of beach and cliffs and water.

“We don’t have a lot of time.” Shiro told her, his voice growing more agitated. The paladin’s jaw was clenched, eyes flicking over the scene as Rachel led them to a gap between a few of the rocks. While they could hear the water beating against them, it looked completely dry inside.

“Here.” Rachel said and she reached out to tug Keith’s hand forward. Well. What else was there to do? Shuffling forward he let himself be dragged between the rocks into some sort of cave-like area. Light streamed in through some of the cracks above them, making the area dimly lit within the sunset. “Lance and I used to come here as kids... We thought we were the only people in the world who knew about it." She smiled.

“Is he here though?” Pidge asked impatiently and Rachel jerked her heard towards the other end of the make-shift room. Lance.

Or…Sort of…Lance? Was this some kind of trick?

The boy in front of them looked as though he was fourteen. He wore ripped jeans and a tank top, his hands caked with mud as he very delicately filled up some of the gaps between the rocks with a sticky substance, effectively blocking any water from seeping in.

“Uh…Hi. Are you tourists?” Lance frowned. He had paused when he noticed them and was now wiping his hands clean on his jeans, pressing his back firmly against the rock with askance. He seemed to relax when he looked at Rachel - his quintessence possibly recognizing his sister.

“This isn’t-” Shiro started and shook his head “We don't need another version of Lance. We need _our_ Lance.”

“I don’t understand.” Pidge jumped in “Why is he a kid?”

“I can’t be certain,” Rachel shrugged “But it probably has to do with another desire. Hey, Lance. Do you know where the older version of yourself is? Afterwards we can go find mom and dad.” She smiled and Lance’s eyes lit up.

“Really?” He jerked up, blue eyes wide. “I thought I was going to go back to school!”

“Of course! But you need to show these people where you are - the main version, anyways.” Rachel prompted. Keith felt a sudden surge of hatred overwhelm him. He wasn't sure why, but weight of it all. The longing of it... It made him want to destroy this place. Still, he knew it was all only gold dust. It wouldn’t even hurt.

“Okay.” Little Lance beamed and smiled brightly “Come on! Let’s go.” He said and grabbed Shiro’s hand, tugging them back out of the cave. “You’re Takashi Shirogane, right?” Lance asked as he looked back and the black paladin “You’re a pilot!” He beamed over his shoulder. Shiro blinked before nodding slightly, his eyes flicking up and down this younger version of Lance quietly.

“That’s cool. Do you like space?” He asked before his eyes took in the other three’s attire. “Wait - are _you_ guys pilots too?” He asked and Keith nodded slightly when eager blue eyes met his own. "That's so cool!" He gasped, beaming at then. "I'm at the Garrison right now so I'm going to be a pilot one day!" He informed them and led them towards the base of the cliff. "We have to go up here - he's at the top. But don't worry! I'll get us there quick." He reassured them.

Lance continued talking, asking Shiro various questions about space and what it was like. Despite the fact it was nothing but a game, Shiro answered every single one. His voice softly explaining everything in great detail and humoring him in a few stories.

“Can I ask you a question, Lance?” He asked about twenty minutes later, still holding Lance’s hand.

“Sure!” Lance beamed as he tugged them over a few rocks.

“Is there any part of this place where Lance is with us?”

Ouch. Keith hadn’t thought of that. They had seen plenty of Cuba, of Lance’s family, ex-boyfriend, even Adam. But the team was absent.

“Of course. He’s with you now.” Lance smiled brightly “Right up there.” He said, gesturing to the top of the cliff. They were close now – probably a few more minutes and they would have reached the edge. “Tell him I said hi.”

“You’re not coming with us?” Pidge asked sharply and Lance jutted his hands in his pockets, tilting his head to the side as his eyes flicked them up and down.

“Nope. Lance wouldn't want to see me." He said thoughtfully, kicking the ground. Rachel bit her lip, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing tightly. Keith stared. He didn't understand. Perhaps the younger version of Lance sensed this because his eyes flicked to Keith and he gave a small smile. "We have to be careful...Lance doesn't like seeing himself." He said and jerked his head towards the water crashing below "Ever notice how the water doesn't reflect our faces? Or that none of the houses had mirrors?" He asked. Keith swallowed. No...He hadn't. Then again, Keith wasn't in the constant habit of trying to look at himself like Lance was...He wondered why the paladin bothered if he hated what he saw so much.

"It is better that the pieces of his quintessence doesn't meet one another." Rachel said softly. She hadn't let go of her brother, pulling him slightly away from the group. "He's up there." She said, jerking her head up to where they were almost there. "I thought you said you were in a hurry." She prompted and stepped back.

Hunk was the first to move. He seemed unfazed by the new knowledge. It might not have even been new to him.

"Come on." He said sharply, jerking his head to others. Shiro's jaw clenched - his gaze forcing itself away from the smaller version of Lance back to Hunk.

"I'm sorry." He said suddenly and Lance blinked. "I...I think...We've left this part of you behind before, haven't we?" He asked and Hunk stopped walking to glance back at them. Pidge had started her ascent up as well, but paused at Shiro's words. Lance tilted his head, looking first and Shiro before staring up at his sister. She smiled and he looked back down.

"It's okay!" He said brightly and turned away "We all have to leave ourselves behind during war." He said and moved away. Shiro looked like he wanted to argue, but only watched as Lance dashed - trying to coax his sister into racing him. Keith watched, noting that the farther away they got...The younger Rachel looked until they were practically the same age. He turned to see Shiro still watching, lips pursed tightly.

"He's right." Keith told him gently and tugged at his arm. "Let's go." He added and Shiro nodded, though it did nothing to appease the distress etched into his expression. He opened his mouth to say something - anything - reassuring but paused when his foot entered something slick. Mud...Wait. Mud?

"Get out of the rain! You're going to catch a cold...Lance!" Someone yelled and Keith blinked a few times to realize...Yes. Yeah, they were definitely in a rainstorm. Dark, thick clouds formed overhead with thunder rolling precariously above them as droplets fell down to make everything hazy and disoriented.

"Relax. It's just water!"

Lance.

"He's over there." Pidge said, shoulder slumping in relief. She took a few steps forward, her boots almost getting stuck in the mud, before letting Hunk pull her out. Shiro and Keith weren't that far behind, moving in the direction Lance had just yelled.

"You are the _last_ person I thought would be putting dirt on your skin."

Everyone paused. Which...They really shouldn't have. The younger Lance had _told_ them that they would be up here. Still, it was weird hearing Keith's voice when he definitely hadn't said anything. The others turned to him and he shrugged, confirming that he definitely hadn't spoken. He squinted a bit and through the downpour he could see a group of people walking towards two figures a little closer to them.

"Mud masks are a thing, you know." Lance snorted and took Keith's (or...siren-Keith's) outstretched hand and pull himself up. "Or...You wouldn't know, would you?" He teased, letting go of him. Though their hands...It may have been his imagination but they had clung together a bit too long. Lance smiled at him - fully with all of his teeth showing and everything - before glancing at the group behind him "Come on! The war is over. Let's have fun!" He called to them.

From beside Keith, Hunk stepped forward.

"Lance!" He called out " _Lance_!"

The rain stopped.

It was strangely silent now that the pattering of water hitting the ground had ceased. Even the wind and crashing water seemed to go with it - leaving them all to try and adjust to its sudden absence. Keith blinked and tried to digest the scene now that he could see the surroundings more clearly.

They were all in their normal clothes...Or, rather, some form of normal clothes. He was pretty sure Shiro had never worn sweatpants on the castle and Pidge's hair was much longer than he remembered it being. Allura was there... Wearing jeans and a t-shirt that looked a bit out of place, but still somehow comfortable all the same.

"Hunk...?" Lance blinked, eyes flicking over towards them. "I...What?" He frowned and spun around to look at the siren version of the team who had been slowly edging closer to him since the rain stopped. "What's going on?" He asked, taking a step back. The other version of Keith frowned moving a little closer to him in a way that irritated him.

"They're trying to _kill you_ is what's going on!" He snapped out, glaring at himself. Lance's brows shot up. Before he could ask anything, Shiro stepped in, holding a hand out in placation. 

"I know this is confusing," He said gently "We just want to help. I don't know how much you remember but this isn't _real_ , Lance. We're trying to take you home."

"This is my home." Lance scoffed and turned to the others. "Right?"

"Absolutely," Allura told him "There's no reason to worry. They'll leave soon." She smiled at him. Lance smiled back, nodding in relief.

"No," Pidge interrupted, glaring at both Allura and then the fake-version of herself "Think about it Lance...Does this even make _sense?_ When has Allura or Coran _ever_ been to Earth?" She asked, gesturing to the aliens. Lance stared. "This is a siren planet... It's where Soval gets his Essence from. Remember?" She pointed out.

"Soval..." Lance repeated softly. Hunk nodded encouragingly.

"We need you back Lance. We're not sure about everything that is going on, but if you snap out of it we can _fix_ this." He promised, holding out his hand. Immediately, fake-Keith pulled Lance back, glaring.

"Liar." He accused coolly "Even if you were telling the truth...Why would he even _want_ to go back?" He reasoned "He's safe here. And happy."

Keith and his siren-self were about to fight. He wasn't sure if you could technically battle sentient gold dust, but he would be damned if he didn't try. He had fought lesser things after all...Namely, James Griffin.

"Shut up." He announced and moved past Shiro and Hunk to look at Lance. The others were clearly missing the obvious solution to this. "We're leaving." He informed Lance bluntly and grabbed his arm. They didn't have time to mollycoddle him. They needed to get out. Now.

At least...That was his last thought before the world spun, leaving him on the floor with his breath knocked out of him.

What the Hell?

"...Keith? _Keith_?"

"Ow..." He muttered and grabbed his head. "Lance...?" He asked and looked over to find the boy staring at him with wide eyes.

"Thank God... I thought you were dead for a second." Lance laughed and Keith shot back up, panic overtaking him. "Whoa - Keith, what's wrong?"

"We're...We're in the castleship." He said dumbly, looking around. Sure enough, they were surrounded with a familiar white and blue he had began to associate with Altean craftsmanship. Specifically, they were in Lance's room...He looked over at the boy with wide eyes. "What the Hell?" He demanded and Lance bit his lip reaching out as if to touch his arm and suddenly retracting it.

"I...I'm so sorry." He said with a wince "It's...This is my fault. I am so sorry."

"I thought we were on the Siren planet?" Keith said, trying to adjust to the sudden change in the surroundings. "What happened?"

"Siren planet...?" Lance asked and chuckled "Um. No, not quite. You and Kolivan came for...I'm actually not sure why," He mused and it was then that Keith realized he was in his paladin suit. "But for _some_ reason you decided to go snooping around in my room and got a good dose of Essence of Siren." He said, nodding towards the open bathroom door. Keith turned, seeing a bottle of spilled glitter flickering over the counter. "You must have had some trip, my man." Lance chuckled and clapped his shoulder.

"I...But you...You were _missing_." Keith said, voice hitching "You were missing and we found out all these things about drugs and _you_ and Soval and-"

"Whoa," Lance said, frowning "Mullet...Didn't know you cared. I'm right here." He said and placed two hands on his shoulders as if to prove that fact. Keith took a shaky breath. "Listen. It's fine...Maybe you should consider taking a break from the Blade. It looks like it kind of got to you." He said and gave a small smile. "Come on, let's go see the others." He offered and paused "Unless you aren't feeling better...?"

What was going on?

Keith turned to look at the bathroom again. Had this....It hadn't been real?

Lance lifted a brow at him, jerking his head to the door as he slammed the button to let it slide open. Okay. Right. Keith would...Adapt. At any rate...Lance was here. Alive. Well. Seemingly happy...But did that mean everything Keith thought he had learned wasn't real? The Essence of Siren was clearly a thing...But Keith was certain he did not experience anything he would have wanted to during his 'trip'.

"You think so loudly," Lance complained and grabbed his hand "Do you _ever_ relax? Your mom is right about you." He mused and Keith stopped walking.

"My _what_?" He demanded and Lance sighed, tugging him forward.

"You know. Purple lady? Gave birth to you? Has decided I am _also_ her child and gives me food every time she visits?" Lance snorted "At least your dad knows I'm an actual adult...Although...Between the two of them, your mom _did_ try to fight me to the death so it is really a toss up on who my favorite is." He clicked his tongue as he put a finger over his lips in pretend deliberation.

"My dad..." He repeated "I don't understand."

Lance put a hand to his forehead.

"Maybe we should have Coran look at you...Shiro said your galra stuff might make you react differently to things... Maybe this Essence of Siren kick messed with your head." He said and squeezed Keith's hand. "Are you _sure_ you're feeling alright?" He asked seriously. Meanwhile, Keith was losing his goddamn mind. What even was happening?

"No." He answered bluntly.

"Okay...We'll be landing on Earth soon so I'll tell Pidge and Hunk to get the doctors ready for you." He mused and pulled him through another door. Before Keith could even begin to process anything that was just said he found himself in the front of the castleship.

"Adam, we are _not_ painting the nursery orange. It just isn't happening." Shiro's voice said and Keith spun to see the older paladin in mid-laugh, trying to both pull something up on the mainframe while simultaneously hit a magazine out of Adam's hands.

"It's either orange or gray, Takashi. We're prepping this child for the Garrison!"

" _No_." Shiro said, but his smile took away any real authority the word might have held. "I - Keith!" He said brightly and it was then that he realized he had been staring with Lance's hand still intertwined in his own. "Where have you been?"

"I, um..." Keith said, trying to think of the correct words for the situation. "I...You..." He started, but was cut off by the doors sliding open to reveal Hunk and Pidge racing in, both out of breath and tripping over one another with laughter.

"Guys... _Guys_. Can we head to Altea after this? We found the most _amazing_ code and it only works with Altean tech and-"

"Keith." Lance said, interrupting her. He turned.

"Yeah?"

"Keith."

He nodded, waiting for Lance to continue.

" _Keith_."

What? He turned to look over at Shiro who had called his name urgently.

"Keith."

"Keith!"

_"Keith!"_

The world jolted.

He was surrounded by gold.

"This is probably why Coran told you not to go to this place if you had taken any of the Essence of Siren." Lance's voice called and Keith tried to breathe. It kind of looked like he was inside a snow globe. Except instead of white the world watery substance was filled metallic glitter - bright yellow almost hurting his eyes.

"What's happening?" He groaned, trying to sit up. His body felt so heavy... Lance looked down at him, eyes flickering from blue to a glowing orange as he stared down. "Where are the others?"

Lance said nothing, but his smile grew.

Two doors flickered in front of him and Lance hummed before walking over, rattling both the knobs experimentally before sitting down between in them in a chair that certainly had no been there before. Keith wanted to ask - once again - what was happening but only took long breaths Lance gestured him forward.

"You can choose." He said simply and pointed to one door "That's to the place you just left." He said and jolted a thumb the opposite one "That's to the place you come from." He said cryptically and leaned back. "Or, of course, you can stay here...but staying here can be painful." He winced in sympathy. "They say you can feel the sirens sucking the life out of you here...Slowly...Painfully...Like hot oil in your mind." He clicked his tongue.

"And so," Keith laughed though his words seemed to trigger the gold around him to almost melt everywhere making Keith hot and...so tired. If he could just sleep... "So you think I would choose the happy place for you to suck the life out of me?" He laughed, trying to force himself to stand. He was drowning. Everything was so bright here it was blinding. He tried to look at Lance, but for a moment he swore he saw nothing but the two doors.

"Why not? Honestly. Is it such a bad way to go?" Lance sighed, flickering back into existence "You die anyways. Someday. You _have_ to. That's the way it works. And you'll live your life wanting things and not getting them because...Well, that's just how it goes. Maybe once and awhile things will go your way, you can't get _everything_. There are too many what ifs and conflictions and dark wants and in the end...None of them will _actually_ give you happiness. Not in the long run. You'll only be satisfied for a few moments before accepting another defeat and fighting valiantly for another win."

"So this is better?" Keith asked. He had managed to get up despite the fact his chest was clenching and lungs burning. He went to move forward but his limbs felt as though somebody had filled them with led. God. He was really drowning. "You can give me everything I want and it will end before I even have a chance for the satisfaction to leave me." He said and gestured in what he hoped looked to sarcasm. In reality he probably just looked drunk.

Lance shrugged.

"Can your life offer you something better?" He asked and...there was a note of genuine curiosity there. Keith realized with a bit of trepidation that it was his own doubt speaking somewhere in the depths of his mind. Could life really provide something better? Compared to a place that could give him everything and a then a quick, peaceful death. He tried to breathe, but for a moment he could only cough and the world flickered black.

"No." He whispered, voice hoarse. "It can't."

Lance nodded.

"I thought so..." He sighed and pointed "That's the door for you then. Get through it before you die like this." He told him - almost bored. Keith nodded and took a step forward. It was almost like walking through honey. He coughed again and met Lance's eyes. Or...The siren's eyes.

"That's not why I'm doing this." He said and rather heroically toppled into the other door.

Immediately, he could breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruh. Was 90% tempted to just leave you at the part where Keith saw the Essence of Siren in Lance's bathroom but as an apology for my late uploading I let you have a bit more lol.
> 
> Anyways. I'm going to see if I need to split my last chapter up into two, but I'm thinking I can probs keep it at one now that I got all of Keith's freaky Siren trip out of the way. We shall see though bc technically Lance still needs to get out of there and there are some loose ends I haven't tied up according to my bulletpoints. I'm hoping next week it should be up? I have a long weekend sooooo....
> 
> Also, I promise I'll go back and fix the typos I know are in this. I just don't want to reread anything right now so you'll have to suffer until I want to go back and reread this nonsense.


	7. Twenty Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter...this damn chapter - the BANE of my existence - had the NERVE to take forever to write. Idk what it was. I just could not decide how exactly I wanted it to end up. But we did it kids. It is DONE.

Keith woke up in the sand.

Or...Dust. He couldn't really tell if he was honest. As his eyes focused he could see the landscape around him was spinning, thunder rolling loudly across a sky that alternated from an orange sunset to an abyss of golden specks. The ocean seemed to flicker in and out of existence - unstable and roaring with uncertainty so that the waves rose high above them and flashed out of existence just as they were about to crash down.

Lance.

Keith looked around - worry beginning to envelop him fully. Sure, it could be a _good_ thing that this place was being destroyed. It might mean that Lance realized this wasn't real or was fighting back...Or it could mean he was dying and his quintessence could no longer hold the illusion. Before he could figure out which one, a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Keith-" Shiro. He looked around to see the paladin kneeling beside him, helmet tossed to the side as he shook him a little. "Thank God you're alright." He smiled and threw Keith's arm over his shoulder to help him up. "I don't know what happened. You just collapsed." He explained, moving them away from the now empty meadow that Lance's memories had led them to. "The sirens - the ones that looked like us - they all just disappeared." He explained and Keith nodded. That made sense. He figured the planet would have become a bit unstable once it was split between two people rather than one. At least to everyone else who wasn't drugged up.

"Where's...? I'm fine." He said, cutting himself off to detach himself from Shiro "Where are the others? Where's Lance?" He asked and Shiro grimaced before nodding ahead. Squinting, Keith could see Hunk and Pidge trying to lead Lance down the side of the cliff they had climbed - though Lance was moving slowly, turning back occasionally and would jerk away every few steps.

"We'll catch up," Shiro said when Keith went to sprint after them "We don't know what happened to you though. Let's take it easy."

"I had some Essence of Siren in my system. When I touched Lance I got sucked into...Well, whatever I would see if this place was mine. It might have _actually_ been mine for a few seconds." He said, letting the reality of it shiver up his spine. "No lectures." He added, seeing Shiro's face tighten. "I know I should have told you I had more in my system."

"And if you touch Lance when we catch up to them?" Shiro tried, raising a brow "The same thing might happen again. We don't have a lot of time, Keith. Let's keep separated from them now." He warned. Keith wanted to argue. That didn't seem fair somehow. Smart? Maybe. But he wasn't in the mood for a smart play. The others hadn't seen the notebooks or photographs or Red's memory. They wouldn't know what to say to get Lance to follow them. He _needed_ to be up there.

"Not really," A voice said and Keith turned to find a new figure next to him. Another siren. "He'll be _fine_ without you."

Keith took a long breath and turned away. He wasn't entirely sure if Shiro was seeing what he saw anymore. Nothing felt...Real. Even among the fabricated there had always been the comfort that there was some sort of tether to reality to them. Now that was breaking away so any sort of pattern he had found within the past few days had been peeled away.

"Are you from my mind?" He asked, tilting his head "Or Lance's?"

Riley smiled. It looked feral somehow.

Keith figured he would _want_ Riley to be evil. That in Keith's mind, Riley was the mean ex-boyfriend that would be easy for him to hate without getting any context to the story. Keith had always hated nuances. Things got so...So complicated in real life. He knew that in reality Riley might have been awful...Or maybe Lance was awful or maybe they just were awful together. Or maybe they weren't awful and things were _wonderful_ and that meant the relationship could have ended in heartbreak or without anyone ever really expecting it to.

Evil ex-boyfriend seemed so much easier. There was a bit of satisfaction to that. Lance dumped him and went off to live a better life without him. Seemed fantastic.

Keith doubted it was that simple.

"Does it matter?" Riley asked and crossed his arms "You won't get the answers you want anyways. You're so bad at this that you had to play _detective_ to get to know Lance rather than just _talking_ to him."

Okay, so this was probably Keith's version of Riley. He knew too much.

"Let's go." Keith said, turning to grab Shiro's arm. The paladin hadn't been paying much attention to Keith - his gaze entrapped by the crumbling Garrison off in the distance. There was a stab of regret there and Keith tightened his grip, trying to give a subtle indication of what was real. Shiro's eyes snapped back to the present.

Then...They ran.

* * *

Lance couldn't breathe.

It was like he suffocating. The world was on fire and smoke was filling his lungs, making it hard to breathe - hard to _think_. There was drumming in the back of his mind that could have been the waves hitting the rocks below them or his own mind combusting as he tried to understand what was going on.

They were coming.

It was his only clear thought in the midst of fogginess and pain. He couldn't remember who... He knew he was being followed - his family had told him so. They told him to run. To lead the danger away from his friends. His friends...

"Lance, _please_." Hunk said, trying to coax him forward. "We need to get out of here!"

His mind went spinning again and he took a hesitant step forward. He trusted Hunk. He...Why was Hunk here? Was he safe? This place _felt_ safe - or at least it had until a few moments ago. Lance knew if he relaxed and let the fire claim him that it would be safe once more. He stopped walking.

" _Lance_." Pidge hissed, popping up behind him to shove him forward. "We have to hurry."

They both sounded so scared. He immediately moved, trying to appease Pidge only to wonder what exactly he was even trying to do.

"Where...Where are we?" He asked, looking around. It was weird. For a moment he could have sworn they were on Earth. Cuba even. The beaches seemed so familiar as they flickered in and out of existence, but there was something off about all of it.

"We're in space," Hunk said. His voice was patient, but Lance could make out how tense he was. "This planet isn't safe though so we need to _leave_." He pressed and reached out to pull him forward. Lance jerked away, panic jolting through him as he tried to register the movement. Hunk bit his lip - looking at Pidge helplessly for a moment before turning to stare out towards something in the distance. The lions.

Red.

Lance immediately reached out for the lion, relief flooding through him. He felt the lion give a purr in return, but Lance couldn't see him among the others.

...How had he gotten here? Did Pidge or Hunk bring him? If so, why did they want to leave now?

"Lance!"

He turned, disoriented at the yell. It wasn't Pidge or Hunk this time. Keith was running up behind them, Shiro in tow. They were here too? Lance blinked. They weren't alone either. A familiar face turned towards him...Though he looked different. Very different.

"Riley?" He asked, bewildered. Keith grimaced.

"You see him too?" He asked and Lance tilted his head. Didn't everyone? He looked around to find Pidge staring between the pair with wide eyes. She seemed frozen in her spot - mouth opening and closing with an uncertainty that Lance wasn't sure he had ever seen on his teammate. Before she could decide on a course of action, Shiro cleared his throat.

"This place is falling apart...We aren't going to see what Lance sees anymore." He explained. Lance wasn't sure what that meant either, but he got the feeling the explanation wasn't meant for him anyways. "Keith took some of that stuff right before we landed though so...I think he's getting some sort of mix of Lance's world and his own." He said slowly, eyes flickering with barely concealed irritation at the other boy.

This wasn't real.

Lance hadn't been certain at first...He had no idea what was going on or why but... Now he was certain. Waking up disoriented on a planet wasn't _abnormal_ for a paladin. He could accept that maybe something happened and his got messed up a little on a mission...but Keith _and_ Riley were here. In no universe - ever - would that happen. Both had left him. Both wouldn't care if he was in trouble. Both had ambitions that came before Lance.

Not that he blamed them. Hell, Keith was... Well. He couldn't expect that from Keith anyways. He wouldn't.

It just meant that this situation just got a Hell lot more unrealistic.

Besides...Lance wasn't even sure this was really _Riley_. The guy looked...Evil. Sure, he had the same hair and eyes and face...but there was something hard about him. Darker. Lance reached out for him and immediately his form flickered into how he usually looked. Keith jumped.

"You..." He started, eyes widening. Whatever else he was going to say caught in his throat as his eyes flicked to the other boy. There was a pause. "He looks...Nice." He said slowly. Lance looked over at him. He was wearing his old Voltron uniform...Yeah. Definitely not real. For some reason that made him trust this Keith _more_.

It was just a figment of his imagination. Nothing to worry about. Keith would say whatever Lance wanted him too.

"Guys," Shiro said "I don't know what's going on but we have to keep moving." He said and Lance lowered his hand. Riley smiled at him, skipping to his side so that Keith was left to scowl after him.

"Come on," Riley told him and pointed towards the beach "Let's go swimming."

Swimming. Of course. Lance loved swimming.

"Wait-" Keith said and jerked his hand out. It froze right before he could touch Lance's skin. "Don't follow him."

"Follow _who_?" Pidge demanded and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm getting my lion and bringing her here. There's no way we can get them moving fast enough." She said, voice rising over the wind. Hunk nodded in agreement and the pair raced off, kicking sand into the air as they went. Shiro stayed behind, tensed as his eyes drifted to how close Keith's hand was hovering over him.

"Lance." Riley called out impatiently "Come _on_."

Keith jerked his hand back, glowering at it for a moment before meeting Lance's eyes.

"I need you to listen to me," He said "I know this confusing but you _cannot_ follow him. He isn't real. He's trying to lure you away."

Lance frowned. Another crack of thunder sounded over them.

"Neither are you," He said. Keith pursed his lips at that. "You're with the Blade right now."

"No. I'm here - I came back to help find you." He said and Lance rolled his eyes. Even in his own mind his thoughts sounded so _desperate_. Sure. Like Keith would actually ditch his cool new galra friends to find _Lance_. It was almost a little embarrassing for him to fantasize.

Fantasy. Right. His mind jerked at the realization as some of the pieces fluttered together. Essence of Siren. _That's_ what this was. His mind reeled - he wasn't sure when he had taken his last dose but that must be what this was...Though he wasn't sure where they were still. The medicine had never made it so his _environment_ changed. Maybe he had taken too much.

"Lance," Keith said, snapping his fingers in front of his face "I'm here. I'm real. I need you to focus."

Annoyance shot through him.

His recent memories were slipping through the cracks but... He couldn't remember any of his visions claiming to be real before. They talked to him like they were, sure. Said what he thought they would and acted they way he remembered them acting...But the Essence never crossed the line of reality. It was a silent sign of respect that part of his mind refused to truly believe his family was ever here in space with him. Riley or Keith or anyone he wanted to be there was never actually there - and they never claimed to be.

"Don't say that." He muttered, turning towards Riley. Keith always did know how to piss him off. Maybe that was what his brain was tapping into.

"I swear to God, Lance." Riley called, growing irritated. His form flickered for a moment - back into the version of him he had seen when Keith arrived - then back to what he knew. "Hurry _up_. You always do this!" He muttered.

"Don't -" Keith warned and looked over at Shiro "Stand there. Between them." He instructed and when Shiro looked around blankly, pointed.

"Who's behind me?" He asked, but Keith didn't answer as he turned back to Lance.

"I'm-"

"Don't say real," Lance said, a flash of frustration overtaking him. This stuff wasn't making him feel calm at all. Would _nothing_ work? "You're _not_. You. Left. The real you ran away and barely talks to any of us!" He shouted, fingers curling into fists. Maybe the Essence of Siren was just wearing off...Everything seemed too amplified for it to be comforting. He couldn't remember the last time he was so angry. "You barely talked to anyone when you were _here_!"

Keith's eyes narrowed. For a moment Lance could have sworn they flashed yellow as he straightened his shoulders.

"Hypocrite."

Lance scoffed. He tried to peer around Shiro to see if Riley was still there, but the man was obnoxiously bulky. Keith clapped his hands together to regain Lance's attention and he felt his irritation rise again.

" _You_ barely talk to anyone," Keith told him "I went into your room. I found the pictures. The letters you wrote your family. I found the old medication bottles - I found this bullshit!" He said gesturing around wildly. Lance jolted at that. What was going on? He didn't want a confrontation...Did he? This wasn't calming him down. He hated the idea Keith knew about any of that. "Red showed me you and Soval. I found all the journals in the cockpit."

No. No it wasn't true. Something wasn't working right. Did Soval give him a bad dose? He didn't _want_ this. Keith was the kind of person to secretly want to be faced with things. Not him. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out if he was shaking from withdrawals or something else. The Essence was in his bathroom, right? He had to get to it. Where was the castle?

"HEY!" Keith shouted "You're not going to say anything?" He said and Lance tried to walk away. Where was Riley? He couldn't see him. "You want to go off on me for leaving? When you didn't bother to let me know something was _wrong?"_ Keith shouted and Lance could have sighed in relief. He could make out Riley, tapping his foot a few feet away. He had walked around Shiro and when Lance met his eyes, tapped his wrist impatiently.

"Keith-" Shiro interrupted, stepping in front of Lance when he took a step away "Maybe this isn't the best strategy to keep him here."

Why was Shiro keeping him away from Riley? He wanted...He _did_ want to be near Riley, right? He paused. Right?

Lance had always been bad at knowing what he wanted - at least the Essence of Siren told him that much. It had been a relief for something to make sense of all of Lance's mess of feelings. Now... Now the messages weren't clear at all.

Maybe he should entertain the thought this _was_ real... It would make sense that real life didn't, well, make sense. He glanced back at Keith and the doubt rose again.

* * *

Keith was really stretching himself thin here.

He wanted to scream at Lance. To grab him and shake sense his stupid, obnoxious head. It sucked he was so easily disregarded. That Lance refused to believe any of this was real simply because Keith was present. Was him being around really so unrealistic? Was him caring so completely impossible that he was ready to dismiss everything?

He would have to deal with that later. He could see Riley getting more agitated, trying to get Lance to follow. Keith looked up towards the sky. Where was Hunk and Pidge?

Okay. Fine. Keith took a breath. If Lance couldn't accept Keith was real...He would just go along with not being real. He knew Lance well enough now to play it off...Maybe. God, he hoped so or they were all toast.

"Lance!" He called again and his mind desperately went over everything. "Come on. Your mom wants us home soon." He said and Lance paused. Confusion flittered over his face for a moment, but at least he didn't move towards Riley.

"My mom?" He repeated "Us?"

Keith forced a laugh.

"Obviously. Did I hit you too hard in the head earlier?" He asked, crossing his arms over his shoulders "I should take it easier on you when we spar, huh?" He asked, voice as light as he could make it...Which was hard given the circumstances. A small smile hinted at Lance's lips.

"I was just going easier on you, mullet." He said and turned to him completely. From the corner of his eye, Keith could see Shiro relax slightly in relief.

"Lies," Keith told him gestured him closer "Come on. Everyone is waiting for you. Adam says he's going to cook some, uh...Garlic knots tonight too." He said. Lance rose an eyebrow.

"Bold of him to assume he can surpass my mother's garlic knots." He said and took a step towards him. Riley immediately let out a frustrated growl.

"LANCE!" He yelled "We don't have _time_ for this."

"Oh - sorry." Lance said immediately and Keith felt his frustration grow. He didn't understand. Even if this was Keith's version of Riley and not Lance's...Why was he _listening_ to him?

"Lance I..." He said desperately and suddenly something clicked into place. Just as Lance took a few more steps away he had the sudden realization of exactly what Lance wanted...Or at least wanted at some point. "You don't have to go back." He said and swallowed. Lance froze, but he didn't turn his way. "He isn't the only person who cares about you. I...I don't know if that's what he said or not but...It isn't true. You don't have to go back to him."

"I...What?" Lance asked, brows coming together and he turned to look at him "I know I don't have to. I want to." He said, but his voice sounded a little uncertain.

"Do you?" Keith asked and this time he took a small step towards him. Shiro tensed. "I get it. Nobody here cares about you. Everyone thinks your annoying. Nobody wants you around. Nobody except your family...And him, right?" He asked, jerking his head towards Riley. Lance looked over and Keith could see him trying to blink away the confusion. "But I need you to listen to me, Lance. That. Isn't. True. We didn't help you and I'm _sorry_...but the truth is we didn't realize how badly you needed help. That doesn't excuse everything, but you should have _said something_...but you didn't. Is that because of _him_?"

Lance stared at him, mouth opening and closing for a moment as he tried to register the words. There was a sharp crack and some rocks fell into the ocean below.

"I...No. It just..." He stumbled "I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have bothered him so much. That's why he left. It wasn't his fault." He started and shook his head "What...This isn't right." He muttered and looked around. "Something is wrong. I don't-"

"Were you bothering him though?" Keith asked, trying to redirect the conversation. Shiro was waving his hands and to his relief, he could see Green and Yellow in the distance. Just a bit longer...Only a few more minutes. "What were you doing?" He nudged and tried to tap down his anger because it all made so much _sense_. Of _course,_ Lance wouldn't ask for help. Of _course_ , he never let anyone else know what bothered him...And of _course_ , he never talked about Riley. It wasn't because he was a boy at all. It was because-

"Stupid stuff!" Lance defended "I mean, I had _therapist_ to talk to. I shouldn't have been telling him every little thing that was bothering me. People shouldn't be so burdened by my problems all the time. It isn't fair. I put my family through it too...but they don't have a choice to leave me." He sighed. Keith swore if he lived through this war...He would find Riley on Earth and break his nose.

Yellow dodged a strike of lightning - moving a bit away from them as Green narrowly missed a huge piece of a building flying through the air. 

"It...I'm sure it would be tough to hear someone is going through stuff all the time," Keith said, because, sure...That _would_ take a toll on people to have to constantly hear negative things. He had seen that sort of stuff first hand. "But the solution isn't to just abandon someone...And it isn't okay to tell them it's their fault." He said firmly "There are better ways to handle it." He promised and felt his shoulders fall in relief when Yellow landed. "Come with us, okay? We can help you."

Lance looked like he was torn between running and punching him. Keith didn't take either as a good sign. Still, he did neither. He only swallowed and looked over his shoulder where Riley was shouting - only, Keith noticed for the first time that no words were coming out. It was if he had been muted. Ah. Small blessings.

"I won't leave you if you don't leave me." He promised and as badly as he wanted to offer his hand...He didn't. He couldn't risk it when they were so close.

Lance bit his lip before slowly nodding.

"I'll hold you to that." He said and started walking towards the lions.

* * *

Lance woke to the sound of the most impressive cursing he had heard in his seventeen (or was he eighteen now? Hard to tell in space) years of living.

"HE REALLY WAS BEING FUCKING FOLLOWED!" Shiro's voice swore "I - Okay." He said, immediately calming down. Lance wasn't sure how - but he was in the back of the Black Lion, strapped down behind the cockpit as Shiro swerved away. "Guys...We're all okay." Shiro said "I'm sorry I momentarily lost it but... _Come on_." He muttered and swerved again. Lance had no idea what was happening. He just knew he was definitely going to throw up and his head was _killing_ him.

 _"No, no!"_ Pidge's voice crackled over the comms _"This makes sense! The aliens that Lance pissed off on Jika went to the galra and the galra started following him and figured out his quintessence was strong. That's another reason why Lance got so paranoid and took so much Essence."_

 _"Except they couldn't get him because he went to the Siren planet,"_  Hunk said and Lance could hear him snapping his fingers in realization  _"So they've been waiting here to make sure he's either dead or kidnap him if he escapes."_

"I'm glad we figured this out...but maybe focus on the fight, guys." Keith said and Lance jumped at how close he sounded. He looked over and...That was Keith Kogane sitting next to him. What the _Hell?_ Keith must have caught his movement because he looked over at him.

"Hi." He greeted. Lance stared.

"Am I dying?" He asked because...Legitimate question. He definitely _felt_ like he was dying...And he had some _weird_ memories floating around. Keith grimaced and held up a tube.

"No...You just had a shitload of drugs in your system. Soval apparently gave Shiro this mini-pod thing to stick on you and help suck some of it out. So you're going through withdrawal." He explained and Lance tried not to cry out in pain when the lion lurched. "Now we're being attacked by aliens you pissed off." He said and shrugged as if to say 'Ah, well. What can you do?' which was decidedly un-Keith.

"Are you real?" He asked warily, looking at his old Voltron uniform. Keith's expression hardened for a moment before taking a long sigh.

"Ask me that again and I _swear_ I will dedicate my life to annoying you. Yes. I am real." He answered stiffly. Lance rose an eyebrow.

"You've already dedicated your life to annoying me."

"No, I just so _happen_ to annoy you. Trust me. You'd be impressed with what I can do when I'm dedicated." Keith snapped back. Lance wished he could think of a good comeback, but he was too busy trying not to hurl. Keith must have noticed his expression because he grimaced and passed over a bucket. Lance gave a shaky nod of thanks before Shiro rolled Black over to dodge a hit.

"Why aren't we in the castle?" He whispered and reached forward to grip something. It ended up being Keith's leg. He would have let go if he had any sort of sense, but the pain made it hard.

"Uh...You don't remember?" Keith frowned "Well. I guess it's confusing. Siren planet. You basically overdosed on the stuff Soval gave you and the Essence led you to the actual Siren." He shrugged. Lance tried to make sense of the words.

"You know Soval?" He asked weakly.

"We've met." Keith said and looked him up and down. "You owe the poor dude an apology. Shiro is going to kill him for giving you drugs."

Oh God. What did they _know?_

"Pretty much everything," Keith answered and Lance realized he had spoken out loud. "Well...Except that you were really being followed, apparently." He added, grimacing as Shiro turned off his comms momentarily so he could let out a frustrated scream before flicking them back on to throw out some more orders. He could make out Allura's voice come online and saw Blue leave what looked to the castleship from Shiro's window. "I wished I hadn't left my pod behind...I could help." He said and at Lance's expression, continued "Pidge and Hunk got us but you passed out almost immediately when you got inside. They flew us to Black and Shiro wanted you with him in case you woke up and...Well, attacked or something." He said with a hint of apology in his voice. "It's been a lot of crazy since you disappeared. We didn't want to take any chances."

Disappeared. Lance had _disappeared?_ His stomach rolled and this time it wasn't the withdrawal or Shiro's piloting.

"How long was I missing?"

"Months." Keith said and he flinched. God. They were definitely getting rid of him now - they'd even given Keith his paladin gear back so he was ready to go and replace him immediately. He supposed he didn't blame him. Now that they clearly knew he was a nervous, drugged up wreck...Well. He should be grateful they bothered saving him. Or even looking at all.

"Oh." He whispered and jolted when the lion jerked again. The pain hit him harder this time and he tried to suppress a whimper of pain. He probably sounded so pathetic. Taking a slow breath he tried to tap into his normal reserve of bubbly energy only to find it gone. Keith glanced over at him a moved closer.

"Um...does this help?" He asked, awkwardly rubbing Lance's arm. Part of him wanted to laugh. Or cry. Or push him away. He wasn't really sure. Only it kind of _did_ feel nice as Lance curled up and tried to ignore the pain throbbing at him. The world seemed to be flicking between light and black. Tired. He was kind of...Tired. His mind focused on the pressure of Keith's touch and before he knew it the movement of Black seemed to be fading away into nothing but blissful sleep.

* * *

Keith was pretty much camped out by Lance's pod for a whole twenty-four hours.

Yeah. Whatever. He had seen Pidge and Hunk throw some knowing smirks at him and Allura offer a sweet smile every time they entered the room to check on Lance or bring him food. Ha freaking ha. 'Keith had seen Lance as the thing he wanted most and now he's camped outside waiting for him - you know what _that means_ '.

Honestly, he had annoying friends. He knew that already. He was more annoyed with the fact Lance wasn't coming out of the pod immediately. How long did it take? Coran had assured them all that he would be fine, which should make him feel better...but also Keith was feeling a wave of anxiety for when he _was_ fine. Then there was no excuse for them not to have a very long, very serious (and gross) conversation about everything and...Yeah. Keith wasn't looking forward to it. At all.

He was so focused on how much he was about to hate the next few hours that he didn't even hear the click behind him until there was a small burst of air.

Bless the galra reflexes. Lance would have fell flat on his face if Keith hadn't done a very impressive dive to catch him at the last second. It was even more impressive that they both didn't go toppling over considering how off balanced Keith was. There was a pause in which Lance blinked a few times before blearily looking around.

"Hi." He greeted when he looked down at Keith's arms and then at his face.

"Hello." He said and moved to help him get up. He didn't look like he could stand very well on his own so he led him over to the couch and sort of just dropped him there. Lance winced as he hit the cushions and Keith made a note to never become a nurse.

"Where are the others?" Lance asked and Keith looked over at his shoulder and then at his watch. Well. Sort of a watch. Space didn't really have _time_ so to speak but the castleship allowed them some sort of an illusion of it.

"Probably asleep," He admitted, trying to do the math in his head. It might have been...Three in the morning? At least in Earth terms. "I can wake them though. Everyone has been waiting for you." He added and Lance ran a hand over his face, somehow looking even _more_ tired than he did when he went in the pod...Which was saying something because he was unconscious when he went in the pod.

"No, no. Let them sleep." He yawned and stretched out his arms "I need to...I need a minute anyways." He said and Keith nodded, awkwardly sitting next to him. He wasn't really sure what the next move was...Or what Lance even remembered. Maybe now wasn't the time to bring it up. He looked awful. "What are you doing here?" He added and Keith's previous sympathy vanished.

"Stop _asking me that_." He snapped back and Lance rose an eyebrow.

"I meant here. Like. This room and not sleeping like everyone else." He said dryly. Keith paused. Oh. Right. The annoyance immediately froze, snuffing out as quickly as it had come. Keith sighed. Maybe it _was_ time for this conversation. He looked over at Lance who was watching him with genuine curiosity. He looked so out of place without his usual armor or outfit. Just the black leotard things that they wore underneath their armor.

"I don't know what you remember..." He started and Lance wrinkled his nose.

"We were being attacked," He supplied "Um...You guys had just...Gotten me off that Siren planet thing and...Yeah." He said. His eyes lowered away from Keith.

"I was called to help find you," Keith said and nudged his leg to get his attention. "I know the Blade was helping to look too. Coran probably already told them that we found you." He added and sunk into the couch. "Anyways, I was in your room and accidentally drugged myself." He said. Lance's eyes snapped back up, widening a bit.

"You -? Oh my God, Keith. I am so sorry." He said, sounding genuinely horrified.

"It was _really_ confusing." Keith told him with a shrug "But it helped me find you so...I guess it worked out." He said and Lance frowned.

"Did it?"

"Sort of. I also, um...Kind of went through your stuff. It was an emergency. Sorry." He added. Lance narrowed his eyes. "You were _missing_." He defended and launched into the whole thing. The pictures and letters...The note about Soval and anxiety meds. The visit to Jika and finding Soval. All the memory swaps and notebooks in Red's cockpit. If he conveniently forgot to add in the whole Lance hallucination he was experiencing throughout the entire thing then...Whoops. 

"Then you went to the planet...?" Lance said, voice bordering on defeat. Keith nodded. "Right...Keith, I'm sorry." He sighed, tugging out his hair. Keith tilted his head. "I didn't mean for you guys to get caught up in this...Hell, I didn't mean for it to turn into such a big deal." He added with a flinch.

"It didn't have to be," Keith agreed and aimed a light kick at him for the sake of familiarity "We could have fixed it if you had said something."

Lance stared at him - clearly unimpressed with the solution.

"Right..."

"Look, I get it." He said, kicking him again. This time Lance hit his leg away with a flash of annoyance. The look made Keith do it again. "Trust me. Believe it or not I'm not big on telling people about my problems either."

"Oh, really? Hadn't noticed."

"Shut up," Keith said and this time Lance kicked him before Keith could. " _But_ I get the feeling this is a little different." He said added took a moment mull of his next words carefully. "I know some of it is on us. We haven't always... We all made some assumptions about that were wrong and we should been paying more attention." He finally went with. Lance looked like he might argue, but Keith kept going before he could speak. "I get the feeling this is also Riley's fault though." He said and Lance immediately shrugged as he looked down with to play with a loose thread at the end of his sleeve. "You know...Nobody cares." He added and Lance's eyes flicked up to him with a bit of amusement.

"I know. That wasn't ever a problem. Just...Didn't seem relevant? Never really got brought up? I don't know. Didn't really want to date any other guys after him so I just focused on blessing girls with my charms." He said with a smirk. It was missing the usual amount of bravado but Keith appreciated the effort.

"He sounded _awful_."

"He wasn't," Lance defended immediately. Keith shrugged. He stood by his hatred. "I mean...I don't know. It's complicated."

It wasn't. He sucked. But Keith got the feeling it would be harder for Lance to see it that way.

"Was it?" Keith asked, trying not to sound too skeptical. Lance scowled at him so he guessed he failed.

"He was super nice." He said "I just...It wasn't at my best when we met and he stuck around and was a really good at keeping me level." He shrugged "But he got tired of it after awhile. Like I said. I was a mess. Always. It had to get exhausting eventually...And he had other things he wanted to do in life and it would be hard to do them with me being...You know." He said with a vague gesture "So he left. End of it." He said simply.

"I get that that but I still think it could have been handled better."

"You've only seen my biased version of him."

"And yet you seem to his his staunchest defender." Keith said and rose his hands in surrender. He got the feeling they could go back and forth on this all day. Several days even. At any rate, it wasn't about to be resolved right now. "But that's why you didn't tell anyone you were having issues here?" He said, putting them back on track. Lance rolled his eyes.

"I mean...Riley was my literal boyfriend and left because I was a disaster. Why would I expect people who can barely put up with me to deal?" He asked with a shake of his head "You know, it would have been _fine_ if I didn't take so much Essence of Siren. I could have - _ow_." He complained when Keith kicked him again (this time a smidge harder).

"Except you did take too much - you even _robbed_ someone to take _more_ of it." He said and guilt touched Lance's eyes at that. "Maybe it would have been fine if you had someone to at least know what was going on. To maybe say 'hey. This is getting out of hand. Maybe we should try something else'?"

"Yeah. Wow. Thanks. I see that now." Lance muttered.

"Come on," Keith scowled at him "Anxiety meds can be addictive on _Earth_. You already knew the risks." He said - which was really the most frustrating part of this whole thing. Lance had to have known. He knew and he _still_ did the stupid thing because telling his friends was just _that_ unrealistic.

"Yes, fine." Lance snapped back at him, irritation rising "You're right. It was stupid and bad stuff happened. Anything else you want to tell me that is super obvious?"

"We would have helped you."

"Yep. Cool. Got that."

" _I_ would have helped you." He specified and Lance pursed his lips. "I don't hate you. I would have come back from the Blade. I wouldn't have even _left_ for the Blade if I had known." He added.

"Yeah, mullet. I know." He said, though it sounded weak. "And that would have really sucked because you should be there. You want to be there."

"You don't know what I want." Keith said, a little outraged. "You don't know me enough to know what I want!" Lance yawned with a shrug. Keith honestly was so infuriated but for the sake of progress didn't strangle him. "What I _want_ is a little bit of trust." Keith threw out. Lance looked at him. "I get I may have not earned the right to... _everything_ , but I like to think that before I left..." He trailed off and sighed. The Lance in his head was laughing. He had been _given_ that trust awhile back. When he wanted to leave the team and... Keith hadn't caught the signs. He forced the thoughts out.

"What's your favorite number?" He asked instead. Lance's brows came together in confusion.

"Um...What?" He asked, sounding a bit bewildered. Keith shrugged.

"I thought it was eleven," He said. At least that had been what fake-Lance had told him. Keith tried to remember what the context of the conversation had been back then. "Wait...Your family." He said, snapping. "I was looking through your pictures. There's eleven of them aside from you, right?" He asked. That must have been where his mind got the number from. Lance stared at him as if he had grown a second head.

"I...Don't know what you're saying, but yeah. Four siblings, one sister in-law, a niece and nephew, mom and dad, and one set of grandparents." He said, counting them off. He fixed Keith with a curious look before shrugging it off. "I like seven though. No reason." He said and looked Keith over "Do you have a favorite number?" He asked, a small smile hinting at his lips. The conversation was a little ridiculous. Still, Keith found himself considering.

"Uh...Not really." He admitted "But there's seven of us so that's a good answer." He offered. Four humans, two alteans, and one half-alien. What a group they made. Lance hummed in agreement.

"Good point...Are we playing twenty questions? Because I have some about the hair-"

"Off-limits." Keith told him dryly. Lance pouted, but it quickly vanished as he seemed to mull over his options of what he could ask.

"Fine. Favorite food?" He tried and Keith snorted. "Don't tell me _that's_ off-limits!" He objected and Keith admittedly had to bite back a laugh at his indignation.

"No...Just...You're definitely going to give me a hard time about it." He sighed and suddenly remembered something Marco had said back in the Siren Planet. "So...I'm from Texas."

"No you're not." Lance said, straightening up. He suddenly looked more awake than ever. "Oh my _God_. No way." He said and Keith rolled his eyes. "Tell me your favorite food is steak. Please."

"It's _good_."

"I cannot believe I have been gifted with this information." Lance laughed, looking way too pleased. He paused. "I wonder why _you_ didn't get a gun for a bayard."

"Are you serious right now?" Keith objected "I've never even used a gun."

"Yes you have," Lance dismissed "You're a cowboy from Texas. Of course you have."

"I am _not_ \- I regret this." Keith muttered, kicking him again. "Fine. My turn." He said, trying to find the most obnoxious question to ask out of revenge. "Have your pickup lines ever actually worked?"

Lance's smile was truly worrying.

"Sure," He said and tapped his chin "Bet they would work on you."

"Hm...I don't think so." Keith shook his head. "I've heard them. They're bad. Not interested."

"They're amazing and the fact your part alien opens up so many possibilities." Lance informed him "Are you an alien? Because you abducted my heart." He started, holding up a finger as he began to count off "Was your mother an alien? Because there's no one on Earth like you."

"Yeah...These are super awful." Keith informed him. Lance seemed undeterred.

"Too sweet? Maybe...I had to leave my planet because it was to small for-"

"Absolutely not," Keith cut him off and grabbed a cushion to throw at his face "I hated them all...And I don't think they have ever worked on anyone. Ever." He added for good measure. Lance gave him a feigned sad look before dramatically sprawling out on the couch.

" _Fine_. It's my turn then... Do you own a cowboy hat?"

"Come on."

" _Answer the question."_

* * *

Lance had _never_ been more relieved to be on Jika.

"Thanks for the ride back," Soval said, brows raised as Lance walked him down familiar streets. "I'm surprised they're leaving you alone with me."

"That makes two of us." Lance admitted. He had known Shiro could lecture, sure...but a lecture _plus_ a very long, serious discussion about mental health, reaching out to people, blah, blah...Yeah. Lance did not enjoy it. Not to mention it was a bit jarring for his teammates interest in him to go from zero to a hundred so quickly. He was used to being easily dismissed or ignored. Not anymore. He did appreciate it...but he also knew it was only because he literally almost died in his own self-despair. He hadn't really earned anyone's respect. Perhaps his displeasure showed on his face because Soval cleared his throat.

"They mean well." He said simply. Lance sighed. He couldn't argue with that. "Besides, you're being too hard on yourself... Clearly you've already won them over. They wouldn't have bothered if they didn't. This just...Showed them they needed to be more obvious." He reasoned and Lance tried not to respond to that. His team was literally a group of heroes trying to save the universe. They would save pretty much anyone at this point. He was definitely not special. Soval continued "But you weren't there...You didn't see it. I felt so bad." Soval continued "All the crying and yelling... So distraught," He mused "Especially the poor Yellow Paladin." He added and Lance immediately felt his previous thoughts falter into guilt.

He knew his mind was hard-wired to assume the worst. It was a pretty sucky quality to have. Pidge and Hunk and the others... Well. He knew they cared. Logically anyways. It was just hard to continuously remind himself of that. Hell, Keith even came back from the Blade to find him and that should really say something. Plus everyone had been apologizing so much for 'letting him down' which made him feel so insanely guilty but he supposed they were all trying to figure this out.

"Then of course, the Red one was very disturbed with his visions of you. Don't blame him. Taking that stuff without context can be a wild ride." Soval added. Lance had to rewind for a moment to process what he said.

"Visions of...Me?" He repeated, mouth momentarily going dry. Nobody had mentioned _that_. The idea that Keith had wanted to see Lance... Huh. Soval shrugged.

They walked a bit more before stopping in front of Soval's house. He grimaced.

"I know I've apologized," Lance started "But I am so-"

"If you say it again, I might be sick." Soval interrupted him. "Look, kid. I knew you were in a bad place to begin with. I thought I was helping you but..." His voice trailed of and he shook his head. "I didn't take the right precautions. This one is on me." He said and placed a hand on his arm "A word of advice though? You're already fighting in one war. Try to make the second one a bit easier by getting yourself some allies." He said and went to unlock the front door. "Also, I am _never_ selling to you again."

"Yeah...No. I think I'm good." Lance grimaced "Allura is working on replicating my old prescription and...Yeah. Everyone is probably going to be watching me on that." He admitted, though he couldn't quite keep the exasperation out of his tone...And he knew he shouldn't be exasperated. Not after worrying everyone so much. "But... I'll miss them." He added with a sigh. Soval nodded. It would suck not being able to his family again. Or Riley. Or Keith once he left for the Blade again. Hell, the whole Essence thing might have been nice if he hadn't screwed up. Now he was back to square one.

"I know you will," Soval told him "But hey. Don't screw this up and you just might see them again for real...Also, go say hi to Bevern for me. He thinks I killed you. I don't want to tell him he was almost right." He muttered and with that, the door slammed closed. Lance groaned. Bevern. Right. He turned, almost running directly into Hunk as he did so.

"Hi!" Hunk greeted "I wasn't following you!"

He was definitely following him.

Lance thought back to what Soval had said about the crying and yelling...How distraught everyone was...And decided he didn't care if they followed him.

"I'm have to go say hi to someone." He told his friend and gestured forward "Want to come with?"

* * *

Keith wasn't lying in Lance's bed in a _creepy_ way.

Just to be clear. No creepiness here. He just knew that after dropping Soval off he had agreed to help Pidge out with whatever project he was working on and didn't want to bother them...Especially because it was clear Pidge needed some time with Lance to herself after missing him for the past couple months. Keith figured it was good that everyone got some time with him because...Well they weren't the only ones who needed it. Lance looked more and more grateful each time.

So Keith figured he would just chill here until he came back. Not creepy. Besides, he had already slept in Lance's room. Waiting in it seemed _way_ less personal.

"So it seems my pickup lines worked after all," Lance voice said when the doors slid open. "Here you are in my bed. Knew it." He said, tossing his bayard lazily to the side as the door slid shut behind him. Keith rolled his eyes at sat up. He was back in his Blade uniform - Kolivan had called yesterday to say he was needed for another mission in a different quadrant which meant it was time for him to go.

"You wish," He said and held up a black rectangle. "Communicator. To call with." He said and tossed it to him.

"The team already has comms." Lance frowned, plucking it from the air to examine more closely.

"Yeah, but this one is just linked between us." He admitted. Lance rose his eyebrows but didn't say anything. "Kolivan called."

"I figured." He nodded "Good luck."

"I mean...I don't _have_ to go..." He ventured cautiously "Not to say Shiro and the others aren't awesome people to talk to...Actually, they are probably better than me." He said, rambling a bit. He wasn't sure why he felt so nervous. Maybe because he realized Lance might not _want_ to talk to him and that would be super embarrassing because if his stupid brain had taught him anything while being on that drug it was definitely that he liked talking to Lance. Sometimes. "I just thought-"

"Thank you." Lance interrupted and Keith could have sighed with relief. He hadn't been sure where he was going with that. "And you'll visit lots so...." He held out his arms. "It'll be good."

"Super good." Keith agreed and stood up. He considered leaving it there but there was...Just one thing he needed to clear up. Slowly, he turned back to Lance. "You don't think we're the same, right?" He asked. Lance stared at him blankly. "Me and...Riley." He said, trying to keep the dislike out of his mouth. Lance pursed his lips. Oh God. What if Lance liked Riley more than him? That would literally suck so much.

"I don't know. Maybe at some point. I guess, I have a type for guys who are reckless and make dangerous decisions." He said and Keith might have choked on air for a moment. "But you _might_ have had some points about him. I think you're...Definitely more understanding. And care a more." He admitted. Which was super nice, but also Keith was a little frazzled about the first thing. How could he just be so damn casual?

"Type?" He repeated. On one hand, he didn't want to be looped in with _Riley_. They certainly hadn't looked alike so that meant Lance saw something similar in their personality which Keith did not - on any level whatsoever - appreciate. He supposed if it was only the recklessness they shared he could accept that. On the other hand... Type implied something definitely above friendship level. Lance shrugged. "No. No, don't just -" He ran a hand over his face. This boy was going to  _kill_ him.

"I mean, does it matter? You don't like me like tha-"

"How do you know?" Keith said, utterly exasperated. "I made this whole point of us not knowing each other well." He pointed out. Or themselves, actually. Keith hadn't really noticed how much Lance had mattered to him until the idiot disappeared...And how much he had mattered before until his mind literally popped out a Lance to point it out to him. There was paused. Lance looked Keith up and down like he might lying.

"Huh," He said "I guess...It could explain why you saw me when you took the Essence stuff." He mused and Keith cursed.

"You know about that?" Pidge. Pidge that evil gremlin must have told him.

"Soval told me."

Apologies to Pidge then.

Keith wrinkled his nose for a moment before sighing.

"Yeah...I guess with you being missing and having not seen you in so long..." He trailed off "I don't know. I thought we made a good team." He shrugged. Lance smiled.

"Agreed." He nodded and nudged him "I saw you too." He added and Keith gave a weak smile. He knew that. His mind jumped back to the letter he had found in Red and inwardly sighed. They were both such awful messes that they probably wouldn't be good together. Maybe. He looked Lance over and reconsidered.

"We would have to wait to tell Shiro. He has too much stress going on."

"That definitely violates the 'open and honest' policy he had forced me to agree to, but okay." Lance shrugged. "Also, there's this guy back on Earth...Adam-"

" _Adam_!" Keith said and clapped his hands together "Oh, I totally forgot. You know that guy was Shiro's fiancé, right?" He asked. Lance's face went blank.

"Are you telling me...That my bisexual mentor was engaged to your gay mentor?" He said and ran a hand over his face. "I am honestly so betrayed and - what are you doing?" He asked when Keith got back in the bed again. "Did the mission with Kolivan get cancelled?" He asked. Keith considered.

"No, but they have other people." He said "And I can't just leave you with that betrayal on your mind." He added with a shrug. Lance tilted his head at him for a moment before pushing him over so he could also get on the bed.

"Good point," He agreed and laid down "Another round of twenty questions then?" He asked and Keith shrugged. "Okay, I go first. Question one. If I asked you to kiss me, would you?" He asked. Keith hummed, pretending to consider for a few moments before letting his eyes flicker back.

"Yeah, I guess I would." He said. Lance grinned.

"Kis-"

"But now it's my question." Keith interrupted, smirking at Lance's scowl. "Sucks." He added with fake sympathy as Lance rolled his eyes. He tapped his lip, waiting as long as he could to give Lance a question to see the exasperation on his face. "Okay, got it." He told him and leaned forward "Kiss me?"

"You son of a bitch. That was my question." Lance muttered, but kissed him anyways.

Spoiler alert: It was _way_ better than anything a Siren planet could make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for dropping by. Thus ends the search for Lance McClain. Moral of the story: take medication as prescribed by your doctor and reach out to family/friends. Moral #2: Be accessible to your loved ones cause you never know for sure what kind of people they are. 
> 
> And if anybody is wondering...Riley and Keith shall meet one day when they return to Earth in this universe. I'll let you guess what happens after that.


End file.
